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Thank you Job and Wonka.
You are right. there is no point to this. I needed to vent. I cried in the arm of a wonderful woman who lived through it. The similarity in our exs is unbelievable. We often help one another. This morning, she helped me. I doubted myself for the past 3 days because of our fight. I was full of anger and anxiety with feeling of worthlessness. She brought me back into reality. I was weak, for a moment.

This afternoon, I get an invite to go to a theater event at the end of this month. smile

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Like I said. this last week-end brought me right back to the first 2 years after bomb. This time, it did not take me long to bounce back and I will share with you my epiphany which I carry with me always, in difficult situation. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!

way back, I got so low that I was not even able to get upstairs (8, flat, 5 stairs) without sitting to regain strength. I was up and down. I was empty and hollow. I went longgggg period of time without any food.
One day, I realised that something had to happen or change otherwise, this was going be my life. I SURE DID NOT WANT THIS TO BE MY LIFE. In my opinion, I was into a hospitalisation state but because of my 4 children, I hung on.
My very first thing that I address was my physical strenght. I needed to eat and sleep. I started with instant breakfast shake because, believe or not, I could not swallow anything other than liquid without choking or gagging. I started using sleep aid to regain rest and concentration. Sleep is the best mind healer in my book. without it, you cannot make solid, concrete decisions.

Next was my mental health.. counselling and anxiety meds when needed (when contact was to occur with ex).

Now, I was ready to set the boundaries. No more abuse. (Scary moment).. More counselling and an emergency plan of action in place. NEVER be alone with ex. Interaction outside where neighbours watch.(THIS WORKS and neighbours do watch and will call the police if they feel you are in danger).

I followed his wishes and filed for divorce. once I did, he could not believe I could do this to him.. ????? More anger, more abuse, all over the place for the both of us..

I saw myself turning into him, abusing him verbally. Another crash for me. I was ashamed of myself. I had to work on myself, change my behavior towards him or have no contact. Well, No contact was a better solution. It gave me peace. (I was scared again because I had no clue of his state or mood). I became hyper vigilant. Still am to this day.

As the years past, things kept getting better, NOT perfect but liveable.

My reaction to last week-end surprised me. Was I expecting kindness out of him? What on earth happen for me to take the bite? Like Job said: " What was I hoping to accomplish by defending myself?" And why does it matter??

I don' t think I have to write it but: NO CONTACT in place for me... it is the safest way to go.. emotionally, mentally and physically cause he drained me..

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Update:

First, ex-Husband: It seem he is also re-visiting BD. I am not sure what is going on in his life at the moment but he is arrogant and kind, angry and nice, fighting with everyone and feeling the shame and guilt.

Feud with son is still on. Son will be 19 this year and moving away for College this summer. He has a good job, makes good money, made arrangement to keep this job while going to College. He is progressing maturely and responsibly. He is very independent and barely ask for help from me or his father. I watch over his progress and I am very pleased. Now, he is 18.. He does socialize at times. He is a normal teen who could be way worst than he is. The bigger picture of his living is looking good to me. He has a good head on his shoulder and has his future planned out. He has put money aside for his departure, knowing that I also have an account under his name. He calls it a security blanket and does not want to touch it. Daughter21 has not touched hers either.

Last Friday, I had a kind of a date.. (more on this later). Ex-H text me about Son leaving his home for the week-end without waiting for Ex-H to finish work and say Good Bye. Complaining that he had not seen him and checking to see if we were going to visit D21. I answered: Yes, we are going to visit D21. It is true. .. Ex-H ask if Son was here.. I ignore the text cause I was not here myself and did not know if Son had arrived. 7PM, Son texted me to know where I was. ( therefor, Son was here lol ). I reminded him of the theater show I was going to and informed him of our departure first thing in the morning.

Saturday morning, I hear Son saying: (sad and concerned voice from his bedroom)"No, No way, No".. I walked by and saw him sitting on his couch sadden. I walked in and asked him what was going on?? He cried and screamed how tired he was of his father' s Bull Sh**. Tired of being threated like a child. Tired of being tied to a rope. Tired of feeling worthless and not good enough..

I stopped him.. " Look, I am going to repeat something I said a long time ago.. Look at the world around you.. Your father is lashing out. He needs an outlet for his anger and frustration. He has his views and beliefs. He wants you safe. His rope is his way of keeping you safe. His choices of words are not the best and are not always the truth. Look around.. You are an 18 year old with a good paying full time job, YOU have taken care of your College registrations and financials on your own with the help of your teacher. You own a car and see to all expenses attach to it on your own. You are currently looking for residency for next fall.. You are very mature, responsible, kind and loveable. I have no doubt of your future success. I am very proud of the man you are.

He hugged me sooooo tight and repeated how much he loves me. I said: Lets go see your sister. How she is doing. This will be you in a few months.. Hang in there.. Keep working at it. You are on the right path.. We left.. We had an amazing week-end. Me and all 4 of my children and future son-in-law. We explored a new hiking trail, we shopped for summer clothes, we ate at our favorite restaurant and we watched a movie.. Everybody came back happy and re-fueled..

D16 said Ex-H told her in his mind, they are still 6-8-10 and 13 years old.. The age they were when he left. (Weird)

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This will lead to my kind of a date Friday..

I mentioned on here that a gentleman (recent widow)showed interest. I have invited him for a coffee as friends once to take his mind off things and get out of the house a bit. No problem except he timed it for 8PM.. It is late for me but I agreed. He also chose to have it at my house knowing I had 3 more kids (friends of my kids) present for the week-end. Again, I agreed. Conversation was all about his 25 years as a scout leader. Some good stories, some, not so good. Overall, a so-so night.

Me and D16 were going to feed the birds (hiking trail). I offered him to join. He agreed. Again, it was so-so..

RED FLAGS: facebook!!!!! He sees and show up on everything I do. My friends list is hidden and he managed to track 12 of my friends. Including one from here. He does NOT know the name of this site but he does know I am part of a support group on Midlife crisis. His fb activities towards me is creeping me out. I have blocked him. Now, to the person on here, If he ask about our link or if he comments inappropriately, please,let me know.

Our friday's night out: on our way, he was very quiet and a bit nervous so I made conversation. On 3 occasions, he cut me off to show me other things and than, apologized and asked me to continue. I guess my conversation topic was not interesting. We went to a restaurant and everything was ok until he asked for a glass of water and the waitress forgot. He got loud, joking rudely and draw attention of the tables around us. I was embarrassed. Once at the cash, I got the bill.. I left a BIG tip for the waitress and thank her with a smile.

At the show: This place is a place where he used to hang out with his wife. ( I did not know ). He saw many friends of theirs. I was not introduce to any and I could feel their awkward feeling. Understandably, his wife was the subject of conversation. I tried to get in it but I was shout out so I kept quiet. In the intermission, I was left sitting alone while he mingled with more of his friends. At the end of the show, what he did not know was I KNEW ONE OF THE ACTRICE very well.At the end of the show, I had a very big kiss and hug from her with a nice warm conversation. I did not introduce him..lol

He dropped me off home and it was a cool good night.. see you Monday at work.

I have not shared much of my private life with him and yet, he infiltrated himself in it.

The fb continued until, to me, he crossed the line of intrusive.. I cut him out before he goes any further. This is where my: TOO MUCH MAN, TOO MUCH!!! came from.. The end of a love story that did not even started.. I have no interest in him. I find him boring and Overboard..

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I am so sorry that this has happened to you. If I happen to be the one he contacts, I'll set him straight.

Yes, you've got a lot of red flags going on and I would definitely not have anything more to do w/him. It bothered me about the time he set, as well as coming to your home.

Be careful when dealing w/him.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I will! smile

Things will be as they were before. His life/ my life. No more invites.

Tad is the one he linked himself to.(and 11 others whom he could not see on my friends list. My like and comments were seen and an invite would be sent) I hope he will not go any further with this. I blocked him and unfriended his wife so he could not use her account to see my actions. I have nothing to hide but I do not want my every move commented on.. It is freaky.

This morning, he was uncomfortable around me.. as the day progressed, we were back as co-worker. I refuse to share more than work with him and I do not participate in his conversations. He will back away.. I' m pretty sure of this.
Facebook is Blocked and will stay block.

Thanks Job for your concerns! I appreciate it! smile xo

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Wow. No need to apologize at all. I understand. He requested me as a friend and I accepted. (I had no idea.) I'll unfriend him if you want me to. Just let me know.

I just assumed he was someone that you knew that just happened to enjoy my Bald Eagle posts. smile

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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lol... I am pretty sure it is the eagle story that got him there. I, however did not understand the friend' s request since your eagle' s are public post.. that is where he crossed the line. There was no need for the request. He can not see any of my activitities anymore, regardless if I like or comment anyones post. You can keep him on for the season.. lol it is up to you! smile

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Trip down memory lane..

For 3 years past bd, i feared for my life. Alot of detailscwere not shared on here. Remember my spare tire who got flat? What i did not say here was, it was deliberately done by someone... a punch had been hammered in.. on another occasion, all nuts on one of my back tire had been loosen. On the highway, the truck started shaking. I knew something was wrong.. i spotted and looked around.my tire was about to fall off.. i got threats from ex-H crazy affair lady. Threats towards me and the kids to teach ex-h a lesson. Not only were we dealing with a psycho ex but we were dealing with his tresors of ladies.. how come i did not go nuts myself? I do not know but i do BELEIVE IN GOD AND HIS SERVANT. So many close calls and yet, here we are.. un-armed, un-hurt and living comfortably.

We had x amount of support from x amount of people. Some, strangers..

Lana.. your quote about God.. priceless

I beleive ex-h was removed from our life for the better.. i can' t imagine what our lives would be like if he stayed.. actually, i can!!!

smile blessing!! smile

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Birds of a feather, flocks together!! smile

True... i flock with good, loving, caring people... and they flock with me..

Ex-h has a flock of his own...

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