Feyth, I am right there with you. Each day that is tough, as I get ready for bed I tell myself "one more bad day over" because you know you have to go through a certain amount of bad days before we come out on the other side. One step closer to wherever this journey is taking me. Hang in there Feyth.
I too am having one of those. I think it is the reality of it all and it is crashing down around me. Know you are not alone in this. We might all have a different stage to go through but we have all been there I am sure.
I agree we need to acknowledge the pain, recognize why we're feeling it and then move on. One foot in front of the other..... And take things minute by minute.
Heartbreak is so painful. It really is interesting how we keep getting handed these emotional bombs that are so destructive and yet we continue to fight the good fight and stand up for what we believe in. I look back and realize that I am strong.... (Even if I don't feel it right now). We all are strong.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Just read up about you.. I had popped in once in a while to your thread in the past. Our situations are somewhat similar... except you have way more contact with your H than I have with my W. Had the same FB issues (I blocked her), both stuck in this limbo state.. ugh. I got the 'sorry this is so hard' comment a few times right after she moved out. I am trying to learn spanish too... we'll see how that goes. I slipped up and texted my wife a story a while back as well... it happens.
Anyway, it seems like you are holding up remarkably well. I guess like one of the other posters mentioned we just have to use this time make our selves better right? We'll get there
Hope you had a nice thanksgiving. I'm doing ok. Thanksgiving was hard, but not as hard as other recent events. Thanksgiving was/is Hs favorite holiday. He has dietary restrictions so I always took special care to make his own dressing, mashed potatoes, and dessert. Over the years, I adopted a menu and it became a tradition to make these items just for him. He would always be in heaven over the smells of our kitchen on thanksgiving morning.
Last year, I had food poisoning so we didn't celebrate and this year... Well I just spent it with my family without him. Gosh, it's been 5 months and he is still noticeably absent at these functions. Eh.... The emotions will pass. It was hard because everyone was asking where my dog was and it was hard to explain that he was with h. Everyone missed the dog! That was hardest to talk about!
Anyway, I actually popped in here today because I have a question and I just want to be prepared with options on how best to handle it. So my SIL flew in from back east this morning. She has an event a few hours away next week and came in early to spend the weekend with H. There's a really good chance that I'm going to see her. Now, I don't know what H talks to her about in terms of me, but I do know they are tight. She drives him absolutely crazy, but they'rve got each other's backs. I reached out to her in June so we could talk as I was having a hard time with all of this and she said H is her brother and she doesn't feel comfortable discussing anything with me. It was a hard bullet to take, but I figured at that time h was just saying anything he could to justify his actions (I have no idea if he's playing victim or what). Anyway, I let it go and haven't reached out since. At one point I reached out to my MiL too on her bday and never got anything back either. Again.... I don't know what H has told them and it really doesn't matter
So, if/ when I see her tonight, during dog swap how should I act? Friendly? Initiate a hug? Ask how she's doing? Or just be as brief as I've been with h? With H I've been friendly, provided a listening ear., but I don't engage- i let him lead. Since she blew me off, do I act as if and be happy to see her? Any advice would be welcome!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
I hear you about the dog... ugh... funny the things that can get to us huh? Glad T-day was not too bad. I felt the same way... hard... but not as hard as it could have been.
Anyway, I don't like given advice because I am such a newb but I think I would act as if I am happy to see her. Not overly so, and I probably would not initiate a hug or anything, but I would definitely be pleasant. I am sure you will be able to tell in a few seconds what she is feeling.
That is just me though... hopefully someone else chimes in!
We all know that WH tells porky lies, so don't even think about what he has told his sister. Act as if, be pleasant and happy to see her. Be the same that you were with her before all this. As far as you are concerned, she did nothing wrong.
So SIL didn't poke her head out at all.... I guess that answers that!
H was in a good mood and I could tell he was going to be happy b/c his texts coordinating dog swap were a lil peppy.... he hasn't used the words cool! or great! with me in forever. It's interesting to me b/c he's always complaining about someone or something. I know his sister used to drive him nuts, for a multitude of reasons. When things started going south for me and H and right before I moved out, he started talking to his Sister more and they even started saying " Love you" to eachother. He doesn't say those words to anyone in his family...not his mom... and NEVER to his dad. They don't say it back either. I think this is part of the "stuff" that H is workign on in dealing with his childhood issues. I remember it used to make me so jealous that he was newly expressing love to his sister as he was completely rejecting me. Oh well.
When I went to get the dog, he was super happy. and engaging me in small talk. I had the opportunity to give him a compliment on something and he appreciated it.
On to something NOT related to H.... In 5 months, I haven't had the desire to cook at all. Making nice nutritious and varied meals for me and H was something that meant a lot to me while in my role as W. I guess it's part of my "acts of service" love language. As I elluded in my post above, making things that my H could eat was important to me. Since I moved out, I have had zero interest in cooking.... everything I prepped was just out of necessity. For some reason, today, my desire to cook came back (it's likely fleeting), but I had this subconcious desire to make a real meal. So tonight I made a steak with mushrooms in a port reduction and roasted cauliflower. There's also a flourless quiche in the oven for tomorrow morning. I guess cooking came to mind due to TxGiving, and it was weird that I even mentioned the cooking in the post above without even realizing that it was a need I needed to fill within myself. I actually realized this as I was prepping tonights meal... it hit me like a ton of bricks, "Oh my gosh, I'm excited about cooking this meal!" Before this, the thought of preparing a nice meal just made me sad bc it was reserved as a service that I did for H. That's a good sign right!?!?!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
That sounds like some good personal growth. I would take that as a good sign that no matter what you will be OK. I had something similar. My wife and I used to run races a lot. The first one after BD by myself was terrible. I hated it and was so sad. But I fought through it and kept on doing them. Now, I don't even think about her anymore when I am at them and I enjoy them just as much but in a slightly different way. Hang in there!
