You know, my coach says I'm making progress, so I'll focus on that. In bed, I notice, she's sleeping much closer to me, like on my side. Almost cuddling. She's contacting me more and more throughout the day when I am out or she is out. She is defending me to the kids when they are disrespectful and has been a lot more appreciative, respectful as well. She's also been complimenting me a lot more and staring at me. Not angrily but like shes just noticed me. There are other things, but there are other things that get me agitated too. On a scale of 1-10 our "intimacy" is like a 2. That's big for me. I really find it tough to trust the good things, but then I also remember that she is not anything like she was to me during the time I know she was actively having a PA. That was horrible. The knowing but not knowing. Ya know?
In the meantime I try to keep working on me. I'm really proud of what I've done personally. I'm proud of the way I act at home and out of the home. I've reconnected with friends and I talk and smile wherever I go. I think my W gets jealous when other women smile back btw. I am very grateful that I feel so much better in my skin right now. I think my confidence comes through at home, at work, wherever. So no, no screaming today, but my car is ready if it's necessary.
Ok, any tips. So the lovely ww has been acting better. Today not so much. She leaves house then calls as I'm meeting w friends (I didn't tell her) just to say how unhappy everyone in her life makes her. That she wants to run away and leave kids w me. She's weeping. I validate, but tell her it's ok to move out but to let me know if she's serious bc I got stuff to take care of. She said no. I thanked her for talking then said bye. My question-should I go all sandy on her take away access to my $ and toss her out when she gets home or ignore her bs or something in between? I'm cool throwing her crap out but that's me.
Wow, you might be annoyed by me, but I just feel like I have totally been mentally where your wife is. I have never had an affair, but your post said that your intimacy was about a level 2. And you said that was not OK with you. As I was reading it, I agreed that my own intimacy at the end was near a 2. The reason was my hands were so full with the kids and the house, and my job and everything else that I was exhausted and never in the mood.
Mostly I was exhausted because I just felt that no one else was helping with the small things, like making sure the crust was cut from the sandwiches. I know that sounds insane, but when I felt I was the only one who cared about the small things, it felt like the world was on my shoulders, because there was an awful lot of small things.
To make matters even more insane, I remember my H approaching me at these times, clearly in the mood and me thinking, "Are you crazy, I just had to cut the crusts off, how can I possibly be in the mood!?" At the time, my feelings felt valid. I had to do everything, how can you (my H) demand even more?
I don't know if your W feels that way at all, and this may not apply to you in the slightest, but I only brought it up because your next post really, really sounded like me! In the past 2 months especially, but for years I just felt if the kids would just live with H all of them would learn to appreciate what I felt they take for granted. I have said to him a few times since he moved out that I was just going to leave the kids with him. I dont know what your W needs or what you should do, I just know when I feel like your W felt,you did exactly what I wished he would have done, just listened (and really heard) how overwhelmed I was. I also wished more than anything that H would just do ANYTHING without me having to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it. Because if I had to give him instructions, then I might as well just do it myself.
I dont mean for a second to compare you to my H. You are here, which in my book means you tower miles above most men I know. I was more comparing myself to your wife and maybe she might feel the way I did because she said the same things I have said. In my case, what you did by listening would have been marvelous!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I could never be annoyed by you. And I think you're right. She does yell now that I do too much, but I've explained, it's got nothing to do with her but really about me being independent. That probably pisses her off too but oh well. Maybe patience. I did get pissed though when she showed up and gave me attitude so I validated. She said to leave her alone. I won't be spoken to like that especially from an emo adolescent. I told her if she wants space, say it, but don't be disrespectful. I then got dinner. Not running off or tossing her out is very challenging sometimes. I think she can see disgust on my face sometimes though. I need to get a phantom mask maybe. Or wear a hood.
Just wondering if you are smiling from confidence today or if you found a mask? That crazy creature really can test your smile sometimes, lol.
Remember the positives when she is in a childish mood. No one walks a straight line. So it is normal for you to see some positives with her, and then a bunch of negatives. It is life I suppose.
You seem like you are well on track with your goals, well done! Keep smiling.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
You know Mona, you made me smile just now. I am feeling ok, and fairly upbeat but my anger sometimes, ooof. I would rather have that though then feeling something else. I guess that's how they feel too sometimes.
How's it going with you today? Feeling good? Any progress with any DIY stuff?
I'm here, only around sporadically. Not sure what's going on in M. Kind of indifferent. I think she's testing me in some areas (I don't like being specific so it's tough to discuss). The other day though she snapped. She told me something that should've made me crazy as it was really disrespectful and insulting but I calmly said she cannot tell me what I feel and that she can't be disrespectful. Then she started with her justifications again of A, so I truth darted some things, validated others and moved on. Then the next day she goes for the kill. I try to walk, she follows and spews. I validate and she starts swinging at me, literally. Her 115 lbs didn't do much but it was crazy. Says I'm being mean to her because I won't scream back (this was after she said im very affected by her) I then get to hear how she really preferred the old og to the new one (which besides being total bs, is also meaningless). I really have become almost indifferent. I really am tempted to just find some other girl, move on, join the french foreign legion whatever. I figure I can always do those things later, so I buy another day. My gal is good, new friends, health kick. I guess I'm torn between the progress I've seen and taking a harder line. Taking a harder line is very easy for me, so I do wonder if my leaning in that direction is merely confirmation bias.
Go out of your way to do something nice for her. Not romantic, like I do not mean buy roses. But something nice, like something only you would know.
Dont say anything, just do it and forget it.
The only reason I suggest this is because in all her spewing she says things like were mean. I dont think you are mean, and a small act goes a long way. Nothing big, nothing romantic.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
