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Defacto,

Have been in and out of your thread so I would not know how to answer this. I do want to say that our timeline and ages are very similar. You seem to be way abead of me in acceptance.

The letter sounds nice. Is it truly what you want and intend to do?


Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs
EA: Started 3/2015
MC Started: 4/2015
She moved out and served 6/2015
PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015
2 young kids

"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
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WhyUs,
You know, to be honest, I guess my intent would be to make sure XW knows that I am okay with D and am moving on. On some level, I feel like the email is an attempt to solicit some kind of reaction from XW.

So, yeah, I probably shouldn't send it. Looks like you helped me answer my own question.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
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Draft your letter. Then wait X number of months. Then give it to her.

Responding now is similar to a form of pursuit. Draft something you firmly believe in and then when the smoke clears give it to her.

For an example of the power a letter can have, check out Crimson's threads. It was the ice breaker required to start "courting" again. However, I think you should be mostly detached at the point of sending, and fully understand that there is no guarantees.


Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2
M - 8/2008
W is not happy - 1/2014
W wants D - 9/2014
W moved out - 11/2014
D filed - 1/23/2015
D'ed - 2/25/2015
Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
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Originally Posted By: Defacto
I guess my intent would be to make sure XW knows that I am okay with D and am moving on.


I would think that your actions to date already show this. What added purpose does the letter serve?

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I would say no to the letter - unless you write it to yourself and put it in a drawer - and yes to showing you are moving on (which I think you are doing already.)

Sometimes doing nothing is the best option I think.

Take care xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Originally Posted By: Azzork

I would think that your actions to date already show this. What added purpose does the letter serve?

You are exactly right. No meaningful purpose at all.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
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Posts: 384
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Agree on not sending the letter. Also agree on co-parenting only relationship for now. Hanging out with XW and and being friends may be possible somewhere down the road. I would put that on the back burner until you know you're fully detached and moving on, which may take some time. At that point, you can decide whether you want more than a co-parenting relationship with XW, which would come with it's own set of benefits and drawbacks.


Me 47 W 42
T 24 yrs M 18 yrs
W living with OM
BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1)
BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out)
WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015.
Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
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Hey gang,
Everything is great over here. But, I'm a little confused to be honest. XW hasn't said a thing about the D. No big deal but this isn't consistent for her. So I don't know if I'm divorced yet. I certainly haven't brought it up.

On another note, I purchased myself a Prince Charming costume to wear to d4's birthday party on Saturday.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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Please tell me the Prince Charming outfit is Adam and the ants aka the 80's pop band. Now that would be cool.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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Originally Posted By: NDY
D

Please tell me the Prince Charming outfit is Adam and the ants aka the 80's pop band. Now that would be cool.

Man, I wish I would've thought of that. It was more of an impulse purchase.


Me:35 W:30
D:4 S:1
Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA
In House Separation: 01/14/15
W moves out: 04/05/15
I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15
W serves D papers: 06/19/15
Mediation: 09/16/15
D final: 12/01/15
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