As another sore point, I just discovered on my "recently watched" VLC list on my laptop, that he was watching porn. He would sometimes sleep on the couch if he had an early start or if he was needing sleep desperately (we are both light sleepers and me getting up to bub in the night didn't help). Clearly he intended to hide this from me, as it shows as being watched from an external device, likely his external HD. I'm feeling pretty sick that he obviously preferred to watch that than come to bed and have sex with me We were still having sex at least once a week, although he had started staying up til all hours playing computer games.....or who knows what else now. I know a lot of men like to watch porn, but for me, I just don't see the point when he could have come and actually had physical intimacy with me. I guess things were actually that bad; he obviously wasn't/isn't attracted to me anymore
Not a good day. Had a horrible dream about him being with another woman, and in the dream his nephew was with him and I wasn't allowed to see him (his sister, niece and nephew would come over about twice a week and I miss them). I woke up and actually cried, which is the first time in about 2 weeks.
It's his birthday on Thursday; I sent him a card in the mail. I didn't really know what to put so kept it simple and signed it off with "best wishes", rather than "love" and also drew a picture of our cat singing a song that he used to sing about him - I was hoping it would make him laugh and remember how much fun we used to have
We're on a board together so have to exchange work-related emails; he sent one to everyone about a training program that could be a possibility, then specifically asked ME if I wanted to do it (I said sure, it could be helpful) and he replied "that's good, I'm keen to do the training too." It took me about half an hour to realise that this possibly has an underlying message that he wants to spend time with me? What do others think? In context: he could have chosen not to do the training, and he waited until I said I was keen before he voiced the same desire
First of all, have you read the book yet? Or all the links? I'm not seeing much DB'ing going on here, that's why I'm asking.
Also, I would contact the licensing authority for that counselor, this is a horrible breach of ethics and you should file a complaint, if you know for a fact it's true (not just what he said to you about it).
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
First of all, have you read the book yet? Or all the links? I'm not seeing much DB'ing going on here, that's why I'm asking.
Also, I would contact the licensing authority for that counselor, this is a horrible breach of ethics and you should file a complaint, if you know for a fact it's true (not just what he said to you about it).
I have decided to wait until my emotions settle down before making a decision re reporting her, as if I do anything at the moment I think it would be for the wrong reasons.
I'm new to DBing; I've read the chapter on midlife crisis as it was posted in another thread, however as I live in NZ I can't afford to buy the books at the moment - I was excited to find copies on Amazon only to learn that it would cost $70 to ship them over here Once my finances are sorted then I am looking at getting at least the Divorce busting and change your life and everyone in it books; because he was the sole breadwinner, I've had to ask for social welfare just to be able to pay the rent and put food on the table, so things will be rocky for a bit.
Ok, so I had been getting a life and was feeling heaps better about things generally. My mood had rapidly improved and I was spending lots of time in the garden (new for me) which was highly therapeutic. I was in full gear with my studies, and although I was missing him, I was coping okay. I did, however REALLY miss his sister and her kids as they used to come over several times a week for a catch up, and they played with my daughter. I invited her over for a coffee and she and the kids came over; it was lovely to see them, and that is honestly the happiest that I've seen my daughter in WEEKS - she was absolutely over the moon! Anyway.....apparently I sent his mail on to the wrong address :-/ This included the birthday card that I'd sent him. I snt him a text, just saying "hey I forwarded your mail on, but couldn't remember your address and sent it to xxx instead of xxx - you might want to pop over to your neighbours. Sorry." He replied and asked how I was doing and my daughter, and said next time maybe he could just come over and pick it up. I replied, which perhaps I shouldn't have done, as this was supposed to be a detachment period. I got all excited as we exchanged several messages and thought "yay, maybe we can work through this." But then I got silly and re-added him as a friend on facebook. He has ignored my friend add, which is making me obsessive and nuts. It's also his birthday today. I'm trying to get out of the house every day and do things, but yesterday I got notice from my land agent that they are not going to be extending my lease as they want family to move in - so now I have to find somewhere else to live on top of everything else. It's too much; I'm not coping at all - feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown. I've got counselling this afternoon so hope that helps. Anyone else got any wise words that may help me get through?
I've finally accepted the breakup, although I am still working through the stages of grief. The lease on my apartment ends on November 20th, so I'll be moving house; in a way it's an opportunity for a fresh start - the new place will have no memories, so my daughter and I can make our own with or without him. What DOES continue to haunt me though is the fact that he appears to have got together with HER. All advice points to the concept of trying not to show jealousy or contempt at his new relationship, however in my case, I can't help but feel completely VIOLATED. Because she was my counsellor for about a year, she knows so many intimate details about me - some of which even he doesn't know - and now I'm wondering what, if anything, she will divulge to him. Evidently she is lacking in ethics for getting together with him in the first place, so I can't trust that she'll keep any of my information confidential. What I'm left with then, is the not knowing; if I report her behaviour, then he'll likely be angry at me and resent me for it, potentially damaging any chances of getting back together. If I don't, then she gets away with it, and potentially can go on to ruin another client's family. Although she is not practicing at the moment, the code of ethics is pretty clear in what it says regarding relationships with former clients. Plus, at any point, she could still choose to take up practicing again. What are your thoughts, DBers?
We were still having sex at least once a week, although he had started staying up til all hours playing computer games.....or who knows what else now. I know a lot of men like to watch porn, but for me, I just don't see the point when he could have come and actually had physical intimacy with me. I guess things were actually that bad; he obviously wasn't/isn't attracted to me anymore