Where do I go from here, pt. 3

[Azzork]

I'm not sure DB goals are what I need since I am in LRT mode.

In my opinion, the process laid out in DR really works for anything. Yeah, I guess it's about saving a marriage, but the end target can really be anything. Say you wanted to get a promotion; I think following the process laid out in DB works as well - Look at the situation from a beginner's mind, set goals, work to achieve them. Theres a ton of great stuff.

Honestly, while the LRT may be a primary reason that the WS/WAS comes back, it will NOT be the reason that they stay. What good is it to have them come back just to leave again?

So, in the interim, set your own goals. Recover, grow, evolve.

Who knows what will happen in a month, or 6 months, or 6 years.

[beckyb]

Thanks Azzork. I admire your goals and plan to use them as a model.

[Avanti]

Without goals at any point in our lives we become rudderless, therefore having them all of the time is important, not just during the DB process. There's nothing wrong with having stuff regarding your R with your H in there, yes you can't affect them as individuals, but as we know we do have power over where things turn and using that appropriately is important.

When we are feeling a little lost, (I am today) referring back to what we are aiming for is what will get us back on track with purpose and commitment.

I'm off to give my goals a going over and re-write where necessary to cast off the slightly down feeling I have right now.

What this means is that over the weekend, beckyb, we will be doing similar things and it'll be good to compare notes on how we feel at the end of it.

Obviously we don't need to publish our goals, unless, like Azzork we choose to, which I personally don't, that doesn't mean it is wrong to do so.

[beckyb]

Avanti, my first goal is get off this Forum for the rest of the weekend. I keep searching here for a magic bullet that doesn't exist. I read some good things but in some ways it's a crutch. Does that make sense?

I will check back in on goal Sunday evening.

[Avanti]

Yes it does. Be with yourself for a while and I'm looking forward to your update in a few days.

[beckyb]

I spent some time this weekend thinking about goals and what i want to achieve. I have not control of H and very little control over the timing of D so I am focusing on spiritual, emotional, physical and financial health. Here my goals for today through the end of November. I'd appreciate any input.

Spiritual:
•Begin every day with a devotional/bible verse
•Pray for other people every day
•Do bible study daily
•Cultivate S.M. friendships

Emotional:
•Journal everyday, including 3 blessings
•Don’t worry, pray
•Go to one Meet Up
•Do Radical Recovery modules 1 and 2
•Limited DB forum to 2x per day
•Do not text, email or call H
•Don’t push attorney

Physical:
•PT exercises everyday
•Pilates class 2x per week
•Walk/bike 3x per week
•Prep food/veggies 2x per week

Financial:
•Continue house sale prep: pack up glassware, go through 2 closets/drawers per week, install trim, fix light in basement, purge Christmas by half
•Do not use credit card
•Increase amount in savings
•Meet with mortgage loan guy

[Ancaire]

Wow, Becky! I am seriously inspired by your goals. I need to sit down and do the same - I am underwater at the moment, and struggling to get everything done.

I may print off your list and use it for inspiration!

[beckyb]

It's been been 3 1/2 months since things blew up for me. I was a complete wreck in the beginning but thought I was doing ok. The last week I have been a mess again. This is my way of trying to stay on track. This, and finally turning everything over to God. I have no control over H, very little control over the timing of D and no idea what the future holds. But He knows. I'm holding on to that.

[Avanti]

beckyb, I love your goals, you have obviously spent a lot of time preparing them. Had you considered adding something that you can use to measure their success?

Without this what may happen, as it does to others, is that you'll use the benefit of hindsight when you come to review their success of failure and that usually ends up in a degree of overly, self-critical appraisal. Defining your measurement now means there is a greater potential for your review to be more balanced.

It's been been 3 1/2 months since things blew up for me. I was a complete wreck in the beginning but thought I was doing ok. The last week I have been a mess again.

Sorry to hear that you feel you have slipped backward, your recovery time is so much quicker than before though, which is great news.

This is my way of trying to stay on track. This, and finally turning everything over to God. I have no control over H, very little control over the timing of D and no idea what the future holds. But He knows. I'm holding on to that.

Another big step towards detachment.

So you may feel you have taken 2 steps backward, but there are two big steps forward over this weekend.

Over the weekend I too have refreshed my goals (not going to publish them) and they feel good and they fit with the SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, results-focused, and time- bound) definitions (which in some ways I hate but they do make sense), which I am really proud of.

I also started and am currently finishing off a plan for the next month or so, to keep me focussed and will act as my navigation tool so that I can consult it rather than my emotions as things progress.

Even though there may be some storms we will have to deal with our future's are bright beckyb!

[beckyb]

Avanti,

I'm going to do a weekly Red,Yellow, Green assessment. Anything more complicated and I won't do it.