I spoke to DS yesterday and want to tell him. STBX and I have agreed we will do this together. The next time I see him face to face will be in December.
I do want to let him know. I initially didn't as before, I felt that if i didn't tell him it wasn't happening.
Any advice on how to approach this? I think he should now know ASAP and not wait until Christmas.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
well i have no specific experience of this with a 19 year old, and as a 19 year old I didn't need to be told as I was in the middle of it.
it is highly likely that you are making more of this than what will actually happen He might just shrug it off and ask so what's for dinner then?
I really dont like how your STBX is plotting the course here AND it is wrong!! wait until December, WTF!! so what is his plan with OW then? It will be FAR more damaging for your son to bump into OW thinking you are still together, and then your idiot H spilling the beans on the spot as an instant justification of why he is not cheating on his mother.
i think you will be as surprised as when you spoke to your mum about it.
you know your son best, and the particulars of how you might bring it up - but i would suggest only this - the TRUTH!! let the pieces fall where they may, but coming back from "the truth" will be far easier than smoothing things over with half-truths and lies.
I am screwed myself ATM with all this court crap - BUT - if/when I am put on the stand I am not rehearsing and I don't need to be nervous. All I will tell the court is the truth. That is all I have ever told anyone and so I dont have to remember who I have told what etc. It simplifies things a great deal. My STBX however has spun herself a nasty little web now. She has lied to everyone, me, friends, family our children. now the court and immigration department. about even more stuff. i dont think she even knows what is true anymore.
on another note - i know i have been telling you that we can walk away from this and gracefully into another R....... this sorta like telling the truth stuff above. Sadly, in recent days/weeks, I am skeptical that I want to put myself in this position again. I trusted my W and look how that has turned out. Now she wants to take away my children from me.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
DS is at Uni and stbx does not see OW whilst DS is at home so very small chance of bumping into them togther. I need to raise with stbx but I don't want to contact him over this :-(
Received text from stbx asking me to contact uni re outstanding finance. I told him back in the summer that it was incorrect as they would not of let me graduate otherwise. What the h3ll has it now got to do with him. He says it has gone all quiet and they refuse to talk to him!!!
Also asked what my plans are for Christmas as he and DS are going to MIL house and did I want to come or did I have other plans!!!!
Is he F*&%$(g deluded??? Seriously!!!
Last edited by Smothy; 10/13/1508:15 AM.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
To answer your last question, yes, he most certainly is! It's funny, they want to get rid of you, but somehow, want you to still be there for them.
Whilst I realise that it'll be difficult for your kids, I would tell them now. It sometimes help the WAS realise the damage they are inflicting(prepares to be shot down in flames!).
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I'm with Huddy on this one. I've made it clear to the Ex that I want as little reliance on her as possible. She also keeps sticking her nose into my business but covers it in a veil of S10. I know she's being nosey so I keep my info to a minimum. They do like to play their games don't they?
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Getting the text yesterday set me back a little. Triggered thoughts of how different this Christmas would be this year. Had a good cry last night. Very uneasy and restless night. Not the way I wanted things to go. Why can't they leave well alone after all the damage they have caused?
Temperature check? Feeling exhausted today and the day hasn't even started properly yet.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Games to them, our life shattered and they can walk away and play games? Think they can come and go as they pleased. Feeling quite angry!
H knows i am coming back to the UK for Christmas. Didn't even ask about taking DS to his family for Christmas, what about mine? DS sees his family more frequently than mine, but mine about twice a year. Why does his take priority. Is he doing this to deliberately rile me, so he makes plans first?
Had a second text just saying 'Are you coming to....? After I replied and said I would be back in the UK in Dec. Ignoring that one for the time being.
Was doing so well......
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Hi Py, Also asked what my plans are for Christmas as he and DS are going to MIL house and did I want to come or did I have other plans!!!!
Is he F*&%$(g deluded??? Seriously!!!
yep. [censored] deluded! absolutely. for me, what I would do is rent a kickarse holiday house, invite my friends, son etc. at least have a good xmas yourself. [censored] yours and mine STBX that constantly whinge about being on this merry-go-round - WELL [censored] get off idiot, you are the one perpetuating this. I had a clear cut rejection to deal with, and I did, I am genuinely moving on, genuinely over you. As the perpetrator you have to wrestle your own demons for the rest of your life - great - leave me out of it - I am not part of your life, nor do i want to be, just [censored] off!! sorry - ranting.
no other way to deal with this Smoth. This sux. This has screwed big time with what we thought our lives were and would be. For me my children are being taken away from me. really we have the same choice now that we did on day one - lay down and die, or deal with it. Whilst I have many moments of wanting the former, I choose the latter in general. Dealing with it entails accepting that this is [censored], there will be many moments when you feel like total crap and option 1 is pretty good, one day in the future you will be happy again and not even think of all of these things - not because there will necessarily be some awesome person come along, or life experience, or some grand epiphany, but, as boring as it is, because time will pass.
just ride it out little girl. you're doing great these past few months.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Games to them, our life shattered and they can walk away and play games? Think they can come and go as they pleased. Feeling quite angry!
H knows i am coming back to the UK for Christmas. Didn't even ask about taking DS to his family for Christmas, what about mine? DS sees his family more frequently than mine, but mine about twice a year. Why does his take priority. Is he doing this to deliberately rile me, so he makes plans first?
Had a second text just saying 'Are you coming to....? After I replied and said I would be back in the UK in Dec. Ignoring that one for the time being.
Was doing so well......
Smooth- dont be railroaded here. Your son is an adult so it is up to him where he goes, [censored] your H, talk to your son. "You can see dickheads family all year round, but I am only back for Xmas, ......"
Reply: I'm coming to UK for xmas, haven't finalised any plans yet.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
