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Wow. That's powerful, O.

I love that H wanted to blame you...what is it with these Walkaways that makes them blame EVERTHING on the LBS? They must all share the same character defect. Losers.

As you can see, I'm feeling little empathy and understanding for the spouses who abandon. Drop by my thread and you'll understand why. Too much to go into here. Let's just say events unfolded in such a way that my brain went lopsided, and the depression I battle daily almost won. If God had given me the okay, I'd have taken the express route out of this life and on to the next. I hate dealing with this stupid ailment! Every single day, I have to figure out what is truth and what is depression talking. That's WITH medication to help. I'm tired of it...little wonder H got tired of it, too.

Back to you...I am so, so proud of you! You're doing great. You have come to some very important realizations. I am still shaking my head at all the phone calls to you. I don't know if I'm more amused or disgusted with your H regarding that.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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overcom Offline OP
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I stayed out of it. That was the best thing I did.i did read it. Wow just crazy. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this sh!t. Please don't ever take the express way out. I know it hurts but everything will get better.
Back to h I was amused lol to be honest in my head I saod told you shed f up again! Disasters! !!!


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
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O, I would think that your H was just enlightened! That should allow things to progress a bit, and move to the next step. I am glad that your prayer was answered. That's awesome! I pray daily, but haven't seen something that big yet. I'm happy for you that ow seems to be leaving the picture.

Good luck!


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Originally Posted By: overcom
Honestly I really don't know what to do anymore.


Whenever I dont know what to do, I choose to do nothing.
Let time reveal all.

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overcom Offline OP
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Yes I learned that... and that's why I just keep to myself and pray. I will not pursue him. I will continue as I've been and just keep praying. I am going to continue to detach from him. I don't want to be his 2nd choice. I am way better then that!!!! I know who I am, I know my heart is pure and full of love. If he's going to act like this then I don't need him. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love me the way I deserve to be loved and will accept my kids as his own. I'm not gonna stress about that. Right now I'm on a journey to fixing myself!!!! I love it. I feel soo good!!!


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
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Overcom

WH just had a spell break, his choice of OW was his. He had to learn something, let him do it.

If needs be, just truth dart, "your choice WH".

I suspect alcohol had something to do with it too.

Be a lady, let alone. When WH has absorbed his spell break he may do any number of things- want to piece his R with you, select another OW, become depressed, use substances or seek IC.

What do you want?

A healthy R and a healthy H?

In which case WH may need to do much work!

It is his internal work to do.

All you can do is provide an environment in which recovery is possible, you work on you, so WH cleans up the pooh in his sandpit. Until he does and he gets it, you are correct work on you.

If this were me then I would take this WH scenario and turn it into a mini movie, who would you have playing you? Can I suggest sweet gentle Jennifer Aniston? Who would you have for OW? Aggressive Pink character, Psycho Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction? And who for WH? Freddie Kruger?


Also be aware that WH may be drama addicted, his choice of this particular type of OW may indicate that there are some real issues to resolve. If you can keep details from him, conversation recorded in case you need that for a non mol at some stage.

Take very great care with this drama queen type.

I once tried to type the OW and OMs for Dawn. It may make you smile, if I can find it I will post it.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Another random post by V

OP

I have observed they fall into several categories none of which seem terribly stable. It could be that a WAS or MLC looks to find an ego boost so chooses an easily influence OP, who is not developed as a person and often less than spouse.

Here is Vs a light look at some categories of OP:

1. An innocent or numpty,
perhaps young but inexperienced easily persuaded and availability is total. This type is likely to cling and be dependent, to want long term and permanent. Will have poor boundaries as inexperienced, likely that WS will cheat on OW and cover it up. Will post lots of cute couple pictures on fb once WS is S. Could feel guilty if A exposed. Prognosis for long term poor as naive will grow up as the limmerance wears off.

2. Narc overt or covert
Only interested in married partners, keen to break up marriage to boost own ego. Initially dangerous but will get bored and moves on to break up next marriage. May even tease but ultimately pull away. May break up marriage deliberately to feel superior. May even marry for money before moving on, leaves WS poorer. Do not challenge as this will only increase the ego boost for the narc. prognosis for long term non existent.

3. BPD
Will stalk WS, charm and then bunny boil. Hard to get rid of, think Glenn Close or the H in gaslight. Stay out of the way of the venom and let WS deal with the Sitch. Will burn out and repel WS as the mask falls. Could be dangerous, LBS strategy you can have him/her long term no chance.

4. Drama Queen or Poison Baby
Will run down spouse of WS as is afraid the spouse is wonderful and feels inferior. Will try to poison WS against spouse, may turn up on LBS doorstep and say leave WS alone, likely to spy, accuse WS of cheating with spouse, will tantrum and be petulant. gives WS a taste of own medicine. May even attempt to alienate children and family of WS. Master in emotional blackmail. No challenge directly by LBS, flirt with WS will drive this type into more bad behaviour and make more insecure. Short term only.

5. Skank, pond scum and easy lay or bike
Exactly what it says on the tin, for one night only or a repeat late nighter. Sex available but not always that good. Very insecure and often superficial, may even be married and a serial cheat. A danger to health. No self respect and no respect from WS either. Could even be an escort. WS likely not to want to acknowledge connection. Not worth a thought. Not even short term.

6. In lurve soulmate
Ideal companion in early flushes of infatuation but in the fullness of time every day life will cause tensions as WS has to meet increasing demands of a more normal relationship. Ultimately brown grass not greener grass. Possible longer term but likely a transitional partner to asuage loneliness and aid movement. Allow to run its course, if LBS interferes then it is WS and OP against the world. Lasting up to 2 years.

7. Lost love
Rose coloured glasses, the past relationship between the two failed to make it because of incompatibility or perhaps never started so will this. WS unlikely to meet lost loves expectations or memory especially if they are in MLC. Illusion shattered. lasting up to 2 years.

8. Charmer or Mata Hari
More selective than one nighter chooses the most attractive prey or may be for money. Sex as art. May play games and may be satisfied with EA, long play in seduction after control. No interest in a R at all. About the conquest not the sex. This is all about the chase, may even be married. Could be a work colleague or long distant. Might be a catfish or online. Once caught will extract and leave WS wanting. Will not tolerate chase. Ignore as no relationship possible.

Hope this brought you a smile
------------------------------

Just for fun.

V

Last edited by Vanilla; 10/12/15 02:46 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Hi V. So your right about letting him absorb all this. No al cholesterol it was drugs to keep her off of hheroin.i can't believe he would be into drama like this. He hates drama. Oh well his life his choice. I decide not to get involved.
I want a healthy r and m. So let him be. I've been learning amd detaching so it's easing the pain... it's actually amusing to see him try so hard for a heroin addict who thinks she can quit without help. She's making me look good. Lol.


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
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Most of these sounds like the girl. I'm letting it take its course. He may even go out on dates and date other women. Let it be if that's what he wants...


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Originally Posted By: overcom
Hi V. So your right about letting him absorb all this. No al cholesterol it was drugs to keep her off of hheroin.i can't believe he would be into drama like this. He hates drama. Oh well his life his choice. I decide not to get involved.
I want a healthy r and m. So let him be. I've been learning amd detaching so it's easing the pain... it's actually amusing to see him try so hard for a heroin addict who thinks she can quit without help. She's making me look good. Lol.


Actually, we can see when it unfolds. At moment he chose drama, a heroin addict, please reassess, especially if this delicious OW plays the hoovering game. OK not heroin, this drama sounds more like cocaine or methamphetamine as you describe it. Very out of control. Care.

WH telling you this in the first place is his attempt at triangulation I think so. Don't bite on that crumb!

Try googling hoovering and abuse. There is some Intel on the abuse thread. WH is set up by OW for abuse, this is serious OW misbehaviour. Expect codependency and trauma, especially if OW starts a sweet cycle.

It's too easy, my stbxwh tried that one with his OW the fish wife.

V


Last edited by Vanilla; 10/12/15 04:11 PM.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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