Too much wrong now to do it right

[ATPeace]

Ok I said this post would be,positive ve
Had a great day with my daughter been getting along very well today
Not so ungphappy infact...I do believe that today was the first day that I did not cry since my W dropping the bomb....so this is massive progress for me

Ghost

[gonegrl]

I am so happy to read this Ghost! I didn't cry today either! Cheers to you, you are making progress.

[ATPeace]

Hi does anyone else have any views

She has been reading a book called Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men and she has underlined all the things that she feels I am or things that are relivent lots of underlining

So this is obviously an area where she feels I have a problem do I let on I have see it there is a section about is he willing to change and even tho I have been making substantial changes to myself she answers no to many of the questions where I feel I have started to really address things

I plan on using what I have seen underlined as further things I need to work on

The book gives advice on how to end the relationship and what to expect with regard to financial matters

On a side note I do feel stronger emotionally
I feel I am starting to think I will be ok
I do not want for this and yes it will be lonley at times
But I will get through this

Ghost

[Huddy]

She might be reading that book to put the blame on you. Only you can know if you were controlling and how to deal with it. Don't take too much notice of underlining.

[sandi2]

There are books, magazine articles, Internet sites, etc., that promote divorce. They make the single life appear exciting and glamorous for women. I think every doctor and beautician's office has women magazines with this type of "information".

Your W is finding things for her own justification. You have already seen that you can't do enough to please her. Why don't you live like you want, for a change? Don't pick that book up again. It's just one more thing to stress you out.

On another note, it sounds great about you and daughter!

[gonegrl]

Ghost, my H is reading about emotional abuse. I am ignoring it, but yes, it hurts.

As Sandi and Huddy said, your W is looking for a way to justify her behavior. Please focus on something positive instead. Maybe put on some music and practice your dance class, or pick up a fun book for yourself. You are doing better Ghost, there is a chance that when she notices this she will get angry and try to push your buttons to keep you in your "role" that she needs you to be in to justify her own actions. Don't go there.

[Huddy]

Guaranteed she will get mega annoyed when you start showing any signs of normality. This is fine. It shows she is starting to lose control of the situation. Go on Ghost!

[Azzork]

Only you can know if you were controlling and how to deal with it.

In my opinion, this is some time for you to do some mirror work. She seems to think that you are or have been controlling. But look at yourself. Look back at your actions and your words. How do they look and sound to you? How would they look and sound to you if you were looking at it from her shoes?

I dont know that you should dismiss this offhand just because it's something she said.

For example, in my case, my W would say "I'd like to go on vacation." And my reply would typically be something like "I know, but we cant afford it." Now, because I know everything about the finances, I know the answer. But to her, it sounds like I am the only one that gets a say in where the money goes. Rather than pull out the bills and look at it together, I just offhandedly would answer with a "no". Make sense?

[Huddy]

That's interesting because I wouldn't have thought of that as being controlling. That gives me something to think about Azzork.

[ATPeace]

I do think I was controlling on looking at the things that she has hilighted she has pretty much put anything that I did down to being controlling and abusive

If we had an argument and raised my voice I was abusive if I said we could not go out could not afford it ...I was controlling yes ther was defiantly things I did that was wrong put pressure on her emotionally ...made her feel unloved she really has re written history or things really were bad for her everything even down to when we first met and the fact I was older than her and took advantage of dating someone who was young and easily influenced she now feels this was something that I knew and I would be able to control her even back then ....

I will be looking long and hard and will accept my responsablty

From what I have read ....she is not going to be coming back

Ghost