determined to overcome this storm part 3

[overcom]

Azzork it's not easy. I can't stop fighting with myself. It's true. I see that cartoon too. Plus my friend who dbed says that too and says I'm not doing anything. She's right. I Suck at this game...
I opened up to one of my family members she's going to do some healing prayers with crystals, rocks and prayers along with teaching me how to meditate. I have an appointment with her next Saturday. She said it's going to help with my depression

[Sotto]

Hi Overcom, I think making your health a priority is important. It will be easier to make progress and move forwards when you feel well and strong within yourself. Try not to worry about what H is doing right now. For now, his life is his life and yours is yours apart from some inevitable liaison about childcare.

What treatment are you getting for your depression my friend??

[overcom]

I just got a few numbers for marriage counselors. I don't know what good it's for but tomorrow I'll be calling to see which one my ins covers. I have seen my primary doctor amd he's fully aware. They have me on wellbutrin.

[overcom]

I just told him I hate that he's going on this trip and that it hurts. I said part of me wants you to stay and part of me wants you to move out. I said I want you to move out because it hurts. All of this hurts too much. And I want you to stay as if he stays anyway because the kids get to see him. I told him tonight that I don't want to be in his friend zone. I don't want to know anything about what you do with the ow. I just found out he's not talking to his best friends anymore. Because they don't like the ow and were giving him lots of crap about her and his choice of divorcing me. Looks like anyone who tries to talk to him about not divorcing he doesn't talk to them. He distances himself from them.

[Ancaire]

Hi sweetie! I'm happy to say I'm finally feeling better. It was a really long week.

I've been thinking about you a lot. Here are most of my thoughts:

You are the furthest thing from detached from your H. You are still firmly attached, which is normal when you love someone, but let's be honest here; your H is not being fair to you at all. He's firmly entrenched in a R with OW. He still acts overly friendly and familiar with you, because he knows you would take him back in a heartbeat.

Please ask yourself if you really deserve to be his back-up plan. You are his wife, the mother of his children...I'm sure he tells himself that he's being nice to you. O - he's not. He is putting you through the worst kind of stress and heartbreak! He's off in another world, busily pursuing a R with OW. You come in 2nd, if that. He planned a weekend trip with her. You'd asked and asked for something similar, but he never even attempted to do so for you. What does that tell you?


Since you are unable to detach, you're going to need to pretend for now. Pretend you will be fine without him. Pretend you can stand on your own, and eventually be able to find someone who can earn your respect. Yes, it's game playing, but O...you need to do this! Start by pretending, it will eventually become real.

Gather up his things, and have him pick them up. Don't call him, text him, or write any letters or e-mails. Only discuss the children with him...nothing more about you. If he asks, say you're fine and leave it at that.

Remove yourself as an option (pretend really hard.) Why would he ever change if he knows you're going to wait for him forever? You've told him enough about your feelings. He knows. Promise me, no more! You have to do this, O. I worry that you will collapse from the sheer emotional toll his behavior is taking on you. Gather what's left of your self respect and start mending it.

I know how hard this is. I also know you can do it. Start out pretending - it's the best way to start making changes. Cut off his emotional connection to you. Start viewing him as a business partner when it comes to the children. What else can you do at this point?

OW is a no-win situation, especially that one. What a loser! If that's what H thinks he needs, let him have at it. He deserves what is coming. Cut him loose, O, for you. Love yourself the way you deserve. Love your babies through this. Pretend you don't love him as an H anymore.

When you feel the need to talk with him, come here first, and let us talk you out of it. He needs to begin feeling the loss of you, or he will never change. Why would he? If he asks about you cutting him off emotionally, be vague. Tell him you've done a lot of thinking and realized you deserve way more than what exists at the moment. Stop there, and discuss nothing other than what pertains to the children. Expect a bad reaction, too. He is so used to cake-eating at this point, he will be upset about losing it. Stand firm, O. I know you can do this!

[dday]

Judy, that is awesome advice! I need to be following the same path. My W has not felt any loss whatsoever. Overcom, you can do this! So can I. I needed to read this today!

[Rouky]

Such a beautiful post Julie. You are very right, H has chosen his path and he needs to walk through it! We can only change our path.

Keep faith overcome.

[overcom]

Hi judy thank you for your post. You know your right. And over the weekend I have not cried once. All I do is pray for detachment and it's working. Honestly I'm not a yo yo. I will.not be his 2nd choice. I deserve better. Is there hope he can change back? I mean seriously I've been thinking about this... and there would be so much he'd have to do to prove it to me. I don't know. Honestly I really don't know what to do anymore. I just pray and follow the direction our God wants me to go.

[overcom]

We got this!!!!!!!

[overcom]

So here's what happened over the weekend.
H goes to Catalina island friday night. Saturday afternoon he calls me. I'm like what you doing calling me he was like having lunch. I asked where the girl was and hes like tweeked out in the hotel sleeping. Wow ok... so he talked to the kids and then hung up. Saturday night I go to dinner with a girl friend and 945 he calls me again!!! I'm like Ummm what's going on. He's like she's still knocked out. Wow this is her bday weekend k. Anyways now it's Sunday the whore calls me from Catalina island and is telling me you can have him back. He's nothing to me. He's selfish amd only wants to think about himself. While she's cussing hjm out and I'm just like ok. And didn't say anything. She hangs up. 3 to 4 hrs later h calls me and says I left her there and I'm on the freeway. I'm like are you serious. He said she trashed the nail salon there, she went straight psycho. Tried to jump out the 3rd floor 3 times. Called police on h and said bs. And I was just saying to him wow. He tried to blame me said I jinxed him that my voodoo is working great. I said excuse me don't blame me because you need someone to blame. I said you knew her capabilities and she did that ALL on her own. I had absolutely nothing to do with it! !! & I added it I had voodoo and it worked so good then how come your not home and making us a family again and he just said got it. I said ok. Bye amd then hung up. ... crazy what the power of a prayer can do. All I prayed was for god to shine his light and reveal the truth about this psycho!!!!