And thanks for the reminders about how far I've come.
You're right about this Job:
Quote:
We fight the hard battle for such a long time and when there's nothing left to fight for in the way of the relationship, we soon begin to focus on us and we come to realize just how much time we spent focusing on the MLCer and/or walkaways.
And, I'm actually upset with myself that it took so long for me to snap out of it. Honestly, I'm still not 100% or where I'd like to be, but I'm getting there.
Quote:
You started from scratch, You since got 2 promotions, if i' m correct, a new home, a very nice lady friend, NEW PASSION ( photography and marine life ). You have rediscovered who TAD IS as an individual.
Funny thing, I had those passions before I got married and got lost along the way. I got my first camera when I was 12 and read my first book by Jacques Cousteau when I was in 3rd or 4th grade. It's like I got married and forgot who I was...
Exquisite, thanks for checking out my photos on FB.
KML, you're a rock star dude. Good for you. I will check out he FB page for inspiration.
Cali, thanks for the very kind words. I guess I have come LIGHT YEARS from where I was. Sometimes, I forget. Last night I was outside and something in the air reminded me where I was 5-6 years ago. (This is the time of year when the sh!t hit the fan.) The feelings came back for just a moment. Man, I was in a dark place at one point. So glad I'm no longer there.
Eric, Vegas....hahaha! Haven't been since my divorce. Money is tight, but I'll see if I can scrape up some dough.
And yes, I think you are right. I'm just TIRED. Very tired.
Again, thanks to all of you for checking in and the reminders!
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Tad, I love your pictures. I have told you so in many occasions. I also comment from time to time. I also know that having a woman liking or commenting on your every post could become a problem, an obstacle for you if you enter a new relationship. I know by experience. Someone was a bit extreme and I had to remove him from my fb. With that said, even though I do not show, I see most of them and I enjoy them.
I'm so sorry. Actually, I think I knew you were female. Not sure why I wrote "dude." Will you settle for "dudette?
Exquisite, thank you. I appreciate it!
Another note on feeling old:
The majority of my coworkers are 15-25 years younger than me. Most have never had kids or have never even been married. I've got kids older than a lot of them....
That doesn't help.
Haha.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
I understanding how you feel. I think about it when I have to ask someone to read what it says on a paper, or when I take a bit longer to heal from a cold/ flu, when my hearing seems to be weaker... I am aware I need to get use to it cause it is only the beginning.. It is life, can' t change those things... Yes, I do feel old sometimes, not everyday but sometimes.
What we do have control over is HOW WE LIVE !!! I can see in your pictures how passionate you are. It is not just a picture to you, it is a living creature with so much beauty... Your eagles! When I read your comments and the way it makes you feel? That is what makes it special, and that is what makes me smile..
As for KML.. Even though I would not chose her lifestyle, It is her spark !! She is proud and excited when she shares her journey. It gives her so much joy and it is one of the reason people admire her! Way to go girl!!
My "coffee buddies" are 60 years old and up. They make me feel young.. lol I' m kidding.. They are priceless to me. They are wise and they all have a story to tell and struggles to face. They still have fun every single day. They do not sweat the small stuff. They take it as it comes and move along or they laugh about it. They each have a hobby or passion to keep them busy and also give them pride and joy.
I am searching for my gift. Something that would give me a spark. I am thinking of taking on woodworking. I had an interest in it at a very young age. It faded away has life progressed. I do my own home reno and I love it. I cannot afford to upgrade my house on a daily basis.. Maybe single little project my do the trick.. It is a thought.
I do not know if any of this help you but I wanted to share it with you.
I can see in your pictures how passionate you are. It is not just a picture to you, it is a living creature with so much beauty... Your eagles! When I read your comments and the way it makes you feel? That is what makes it special, and that is what makes me smile..
Yes, I do love animals and love to photograph them. I'm glad you like the pictures! Taking them is a lot of fun and yes, it is more than just a picture to me. It is God's beautiful creatures that I have learned to appreciate and admire.
I think woodworking would be perfect for you.
I'm just checking in because I'm a little confused regarding my lady friend....
I've known her for two and a half years now. Two years ago, I asked her out on a date and she declined because she "doesn't date coworkers." I asked a couple of times since then and got the same response. So....I quit asking. Every time I did ask, I was shot down....until recently. Something has changed her mind apparently. I've been to her place just about every night after work. On Wednesdays, because it is our Friday, I've been staying later and having drinks.
Last week, she mentioned how she wasn't going to have any help decorating for Christmas this year. I offered to help and she said...YES. We did that today. I wen't over to her place at about 2:00 and didn't leave until almost 9:00. In that time:
We built her tree. We decorated it as we listened to Christmas Carols. We had snacks. We decorated her place. We had Turkey leftovers. We went for a walk. We had Pumpkin Pie for dessert. She showed me her holiday movie collection and a photo album from her childhood. We ended the evening with a long conversation.
I decided to leave because I didn't want to wear out my welcome. She acted like she wanted me to stay longer. (No, not spend the night, but to just hang out and talk more.)
She told me to text her when I got home to make sure I made it home ok. I did.
She sent a text back thanking me for a wonderful day and for caring about her.
We also discussed going to a Holiday Light festival in a few weeks. I used to go there every year when I was married. She has never been. I tried to take her last year and again she declined.
This year though: SHE SAID YES. We are going on the weekend of the 10th. I'm picking her up (like a date would) and taking her out to dinner before heading to the festival.
She is a co-worker and I am very respectful of that and would never do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. I'm a perfect gentleman, but I'd be lying if I said it was always easy. I like her a lot and have more in common with her than I ever did with XW.
It took two and a half years for her to finally "hang out" with me.
I guess I'm writing because I don't know what to do.... I know this has nothing to do with MLC, but what should I do? Ask her to date me or just keep going at the pace that we are?
Any thoughts?
Again, I want to be careful and to make sure I don't do anything to jeopardize the relationship that we do have...
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
Hi Tad, I'm pleased to read this and it sounds as though you have a gently growing friendship that could turn into something more.
Why push things I would say? You have a 'friend - date' planned and go and enjoy yourselves. Let go of your need to know - 'will you go out with me?' And enjoy the company and conversation.
It certainly sounds as though this girl likes you. You may want to take small opportunities for physical touch - maybe on the arm, shoulder, gently guiding the lower back etc - or taking her arm. Or asking for a hug at the end of the event..or a kiss on the cheek - 'may I give you a little hug?' 'May I kiss you on the cheek?'
I am friendly with a guy at work and have known him for years. He was always married and more recently I was married. And then he and his W D'd (he was an LBS - I love you like a brother - then quick R with a new guy - 3 kids) and then we D'd.
So, we find ourselves at work with a gently growing friendship (and some attraction I think) - but I do find him reticent at times. And the thing with pushing with a reticent person is - I think you risk further reticence or complete loss of the friendship potentially.
Also, in your situation Tad, I know you have struggle to get out and do things at times. You may just want to enjoy having a friend and companion to hang out with and have fun tasting some more of what life has to offer...
I'm pleased for you - relax and enjoy it....oh, and wear some nice, woody cologne for those 'lean in' moments - I love that
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
hey Tad, I agree with Sotto's woody cologne suggestion, but not so much on the physical touch suggestion. That would actually not work for me ... not sure if that confuses you more, I think you ought to keep doing what you've been doing, because that is obviously working, and let her lead the way.
Glad you've got a lot of positives going on for you xoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Your photos are beautiful and you should be proud of how well you capture the animals in their surroundings.
Now, about your lady friend...I would continue as you have been...just be a friend. The two of you are enjoying each other's company for now...so why rock the boat? Live in the present and don't try to look to far into the future. Don't rush the process.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She is finally opening up !! I would not change a thing. Your progress is natural, it will grow as you spend time together. Tad, you do not need a title ("dating, relationship"). In my opinion, you had plenty of "dates". why rush things!
I can see your respect toward her. I can she her lead. I also see that you are afraid of bringing her into your part of life. Her place, her invite. Because of the many declines on her part, your are reluctant to ask again. How about rephrasing your invites? You have a perfect opportunity right at this moment. " Would you like to decorate my place with me? ". Instead of " would you go on a date with me?; How about: " Would you like to spend time with me? or go for a walk or do something together?"
Do not worry about the imaginary line between friendship and relationship. From your words, if the moment of a kiss or a hug present itself, YOU WILL KNOW, you will feel it from you and from her. for now, enjoy what you have!
