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Tad, good to hear how you are doing. Glad you are moving on... Baby steps are BIG steps in many ways. You are electric smile


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks Forward and Gwen.

I'm still struggling to get out....haven't been able to.

At all.

frown

I have a lot to write (mostly about changes in me) but no time right now. Have to pick up S20 from work. I'll check in again soon.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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***** P.S. *****

I have a really serious question:

I recently saw a recent close up photo of my EX. (I'll post more about this when I come back later.) I have to say....it was very, VERY, VERY......CREEPY. I mean, she's not there. REALLY. She IS NOT there. Her eyes.....I'm not kidding. Someone else is in there. So cold...so empty......so.....

BLACK.

It almost........

....gave me the chills.



It creeps me out just thinking about it.

I know that we all say that "they become someone else" but....literally?

She's not there....

Wow.

My EX really is dead.

....

Last edited by tadpole1025; 11/17/15 10:07 PM.

Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Tad -
recently my ex showed up to help move one of my sons into his new apartment. When he drove up I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WAS A STRANGER. It wasn't until I got right up to the car and he spoke to me that I realized it was him. This is a man I was with for 26 years!

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Tad- my MLCer has lived at home throughout. I know JUST what you are talking about. There have been a few flashes of his old eyes, but otherwise he has shark eyes.

What is crazy, is that I went back and looked at old photos and those shark eyes started about 20 months before BD.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Thanks KML and HaWho.

Yes, the eyes are VERY different. I'll write more about it below.

Just an update:

I'm ok. Every weekend though, I struggle to get out of the house. That's my biggest issue right now. I've gone from being a fairly major local celebrity to a hermit. I went from one extreme to another. Been fighting with myself for weeks now about going to the zoo. I've been wanting to go for a while now that the weather is nice but just can't do it. I do nothing. Need a social life.

I continue to have a great relationship with my "friend" at work. She says she likes talking to me because she knows I won't judge her or look down on her. She tells me all the time that she "knows she can talk to me." She's amazing but right now, we are just friends. She's always on my FB page. To be honest, she has been burned too and I think she is just a little gun-shy. She's actually the best/coolest friend I have at the moment.

Me - I'm becoming a different person. This has changed me so much. Not that I was a bad person before....I'm just a better person now. I should actually thank XW. I like who I've become and am becoming. I have an enormous amount of compassion for animals and find the greatest joy in the smallest of things. I appreciate everything. Sometimes, even though this hurt like Hell, I think that maybe I was supposed to go through this. It's made me better/stronger.

XW - She has now offered to pay for S29's wedding and it is now going to be held at her house. (GREAT!) I'm not going to worry about it right now though. It is still a year away. But....I can't help but wonder if she is doing this just to get to me.

S29 was over to watch football last weekend. While he was over, he was talking about how much XW has aged. He showed me a picture of her. Wow. I've thought for a while now that she looked different in the eyes and when I looked at the picture, I really noticed it. Unbelievable. They say that your eyes are the window to the soul. If that's true, she has an empty soul. She used to have the prettiest brown eyes. Now, they are empty...black and cold. Does anyone know why this happens to some of them? I mean, it gave me chills. It was like something out of a horror movie. It was like looking at somebody's face that I knew and loved, but the eyes are not hers. Freaky.

Speaking of XW, since she left, she's always made sure to give our sons a birthday card and/or take them to lunch on their birthdays. One of our sons celebrated a birthday at the end of October and another celebrated the first week of November. This year....nothing. Nothing. Matter of fact, she's been fairly quiet lately. I sometimes wonder if she is in the depression or withdrawal stage. It's been 5 years since this mess began so I guess it is possible.

Anyways, that's the latest. Not much going on with me except for my weekly struggles to get out. It [censored]...but....I'm going to keep trying.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Interesting Tad. I am very glad somebody else articulated that same thing. I sometimes wondered if it was just me that saw that.
My ex's eyes literally changed color from blue to green, at least when we were still talking/together. In photos with my kids she looks so much different. The other day, I drove past her while she was running (she lives a few blocks away, but we rarely see each other) and it wasn't until my son called and asked me what I was doing with the house that I realized it was her I passed.

I used to wonder if it is her that changed or my perception of her that causes her to look differently to me. Any more I wonder why I think about it wink

Getting out. That's an interesting thing, Tad. I wonder if it is just that you are not who you used to be. You used to be who you needed to be to succeed. Now you seem to be looking for that balance.

And yeah, it is the dark that helps us see the light isn't it? I wouldn't change a thing in my life. Not a step and not a decision. I'm grateful for it just like it is.

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Ive noticed that also in my xh eyes as well as ow
be4 he left and recently in pictures

He is not there either

they are a bit creepy..both of them and dark

I also would not change anything
Looking back I think XH leaving was the best for all of us


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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What you've described w/the eyes is called "shark eyes". This is one of the characteristics of MLC/depression. I point out quite often that the eyes are the window to the soul and that's true. When the shark eyes are present, their soul is very dark at that time, hence, the depression. Eventually, the eyes will regain the sparkle...but it takes a lot of time for that to happen.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Weird I have not seen H in 18 months. Right before he left I took a few pictures of him with our kids and it scared me- the eyes were so dark and empty. H always had beautiful blue eyes. I mean it was very spooky and I was fearful that he was not well. It is helpful to hear similar experiences from others.

Tad glad to hear you are doing well.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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