Five Years Ago Today

[tadpole1025]

Hello everyone. I thought today would be a perfect time for a new thread. My last one can be found here:

XW wants lunch with me and...........OM

Five years ago today on 10/10/10, I got the bomb. While watering our rose bushes in the front yard, out of the blue, my MLCer informed me that she wanted out. It's been a rough five years, but things are getting better. Finally.

First, an update on XW:

I saw her the other night at S22's concert. Wow!!! She looks miserable. It was the first time I had seen her in months. S20 and I were standing outside of the venue waiting for the show to start. I glanced to my left and there she was. Staring at me. I have no idea how long she had been standing there, but the look in her eyes said it all. She is not happy. She walked over to us. She started talking to S20, but continued to watch me fiddle with my cell phone. Finally, I said nothing and went inside.

S29 talks to her more than any of my boys. He told me the other day that she will make a comment from time to time about how I "can't even talk" to her. Haha. It's not that I can't. I just won't. Why would she want to talk anyways? She already thinks I'm terrible and has told her friends and family how terrible I am. S29 also told me that XW and OM have a few disagreements over their dog. Apparently, OM thinks she is too hard on it and yells at it all the time. Sounds like he is starting to get a taste of real XW.

I've mentioned before how she seems to be a "career student." She has been attending college off and on since the early 90's. She's gone from wanting to be: Author/Physical Therapist/Park Ranger/Teacher/Scientist/Business Owner.....it goes on and on. Well, she finally finished school (for now) and got her first job as a teacher. School started in mid August and she got a job teaching Science at a middle school. She quit 2 weeks ago. Unreal. I guess more schooling is in her future.

Now, an update on me:

I'm doing ok. Much better in the last month or so. I'm still not getting out, but I'm working on it.

I still miss my ratties and think about the little babies everyday. I miss them a lot, but it is getting better. S22 has a little female rat that I give treats to from time to time, but I have been trying to be very careful to not get attached.

I've been thinking/wondering lately why God would put me through all of the crap I've been through in the last five years. There has to be a reason. The best one I can come up with is to make me a better/stronger/more compassionate person maybe. I think I might be getting there. I do know that I've changed in areas that I never thought I would. I've mentioned here how I've changed towards animals, but I've also changed in another good way: I appreciate EVERYTHING. I get the greatest joy out of a gentle rain, singing birds, sunsets, fresh cut grass......It's so odd for me. But....I like it. Someone told me a few weeks back that they admire the way I am towards animals. They admire my love and respect for them. Haha. I didn't think it was that obvious, but that's ok.

My "friend" at work continues to be awesome. We still have great talks and have been talking even more. She has started to open up to me a little more about her last relationship. Her best friend told me that we are a perfect match. That would be nice, but for now, I'm okay with just the friendship. She did think of me when she went to Hawaii with her parents because she brought a souvenir back for me.

I've decided to take an Alaskan cruise next summer. I want to go watch the whales. I deserve it. I've really done nothing for me since this mess started 5 years ago. It's time. I thought about going on a singles cruise, but why?

Anyways, that's all for now. Yes, it is the five year anniversary of XW telling me she was joining the MLC circus, but it hasn't been too bad.

Thanks for reading.

Tad

[uRworthy]

Hey Tad. Of course she isn't happy...she thought ending the marriage was going to "fix" what was wrong. But, really, who cares? Not your problem anymore, right?

I see a gentle spirit about you, T. One that wasn't so obvious 5 years ago.

What you learned from all of this? That you are stronger than you thought, that you love deeply, that you are there for those that matter in your life.

If you allow yourself to truly let go..and I mean truly..there is peace.

This was a journey I was meant to go on. I know that deep into my soul. And though it continues to be hard in some ways, it has also changed me profoundly.

I am so proud of you for going on a cruise. You will love it. Alaska is no my bucket list. Good on you.

I am thinking you will love it so much, that maybe a singles cruise will be the next one.

As for your friend, continue to enjoy the friendship. You never know what the future holds, but, in the meantime..live in the moment.

It may seem like you are making tiny steps, but, they are big ones.

Be open to the possibilities in life because we only get this one.

Keep going, T...

[Ggrass]

I hank tad your hard on your self, and are too close to the process.

Often we cannot see our own changes becuee they are part of us. It happens so gradual that we become and it feels like things have always been that way.

I find when we look back we can see it ,ore clearly or via others we can see it better.

Oh being busy and having a life doesn't always have to mean a huge social life. It can be just having interests. I find the farm and horse stuff keeps me pretty busy, I don't often have time to gal.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for stopping by.

Oh being busy and having a life doesn't always have to mean a huge social life. It can be just having interests. I find the farm and horse stuff keeps me pretty busy, I don't often have time to gal.

Thanks Ggrass. I've been thinking for a while now that I need interests/hobbies. I've decided on one. I'm going to save up some money and buy the equipment that I need for photography. Maybe take some trips to Northern Arizona and photograph some wildlife.

Ur, Thank you so much for the very nice post.

I see a gentle spirit about you, T. One that wasn't so obvious 5 years ago.

Thank you.

You'll never know how much of a help that you and so many others on this board have been through this trip. Haha. TRIP. That's really what this is. Again, thanks. Your words mean a lot. They made me smile.

As for your friend, continue to enjoy the friendship. You never know what the future holds, but, in the meantime..live in the moment.

Unbelievable.



She tells me all the time to "live in the moment."





Thank you.

I'll be back to post an update soon.

I've really got to stop with the smiley faces.

Tad

[exquisitetobe]

""I've been thinking/wondering lately why God would put me through all of the crap I've been through in the last five years. There has to be a reason. The best one I can come up with is to make me a better/stronger/more compassionate person maybe.""

Or maybe it was to spare you the anger, pain and confusion of her journey ??? Maybe it wasn' t done to you but to her ?? You are a GOOD MAN. You know that.. God know that and so does everyone on here. It is changing us into even better people. WHY? Because we want to. We could have easely chosen destructive paths but we didn' t. We could have become alcoholics, drug attict, ( feel this space with self medication crap ) and feel sorry for ourselves and using this challenge as our justification. But we did not.. We are using this to grow and learn.. THIS IS WHY I LOVE THIS SITE.. It helps us understand not MLC but ourselves. It keeps us on the right track. it is a safe place to vent and to cry and to help one another.

[AJM]

I'm reminded when I read that this, that sometimes it's the strongest that take the longest.

Nice to hear the updates, Tad. Glad you went to the concert and hope it continues like this.


AJ

[peacetoday]

Hi Tad

You sound good

I think mLC really seems to change us

Your XW can see it..she sees something in you that she does not have in herself

she is probably baffled,,she left to find it and you got it

funny how that works

but it doesn't come easy, and there is no "fun" way to get from where she is to where you are

peace

[MrBond]

Glad to hear you're doing better. I hope you're still getting C. That will help you heal faster.

[tadpole1025]

Hi there. Just checking in to respond.....

You are a GOOD MAN. You know that.. God know that and so does everyone on here. It is changing us into even better people. WHY? Because we want to. We could have easely chosen destructive paths but we didn' t. We could have become alcoholics, drug attict, ( feel this space with self medication crap ) and feel sorry for ourselves and using this challenge as our justification. But we did not.. We are using this to grow and learn..

Thank you. I know I'm a better person because of this. I also know than I am a better person than XW will ever be. She even used to TELL me that I was a much better person than her. I never thought so, but I do now. The thing that really makes me happy though is the fact that someday my boys can look back and say that I was always there for them. It wasn't always easy and it sure as Hell wasn't fun, but I was THERE. Also, even though my boys were pretty much grown at the time (24,20,18,16) she has missed so much. It's also good to know that THEY KNOW they can come to me if needed. XW has simply not been a part of their lives.

sometimes it's the strongest that take the longest.

I love this AJ. Thank you.

You sound good

I think mLC really seems to change us

Your XW can see it..she sees something in you that she does not have in herself

she is probably baffled,,she left to find it and you got it

Thanks. I wouldn't say that I was good, but I'm definitely better. As for XW seeing my changes, I'm not so sure. She avoids me and everything about me like the plague.

Glad to hear you're doing better. I hope you're still getting C.

Haven't done any lately MrBond. I've been working a lot. I've been keeping busy with overtime and working 50-60 hours a week.

UPDATE:

I think I read once before that people in MLC tend to see things how they were. I believe this. XW has been sending our sons texts lately calling them her "munchkins" and "little babies." They are grown men. My youngest will be 21 in December. She sent them all a text the other night telling them all how much she misses them. Again, her deal. She simply fell off the planet and hasn't been in their lives for 5 years.

As for me....

I've been working a lot and really like my job. I'm learning an awful lot and will most likely be promoted again after the first of the year. People here seem to like me. A guy at work told me the other day that everybody just seems to "gravitate" towards me. Haha. I'm electric!!!

My birthday was last Sunday. My lady "friend" brought me a coffee cup with The Beatles on it. We are both Beatles fans. She filled the cup with chocolates that she knew I liked and gave me a very nice card with a note inside thanking me for making work so much fun and for the great talks. Now....if she'd just let me take her to lunch...

I'm still not getting out. My weekend is coming up and I plan to go to the Phoenix Zoo. I haven't been there in years. I just need to MAKE myself go.

Anyways, that's all for now. It's been a long, winding, bumpy road but I'm slowly getting to the finish line.

Thanks for stopping by.

Tad

[forward]

Tad, you sound as if you are not "stuck," which is so important!

I too think I came out of the whole experience finding myself a better and stronger person. My X is not a stranger to me but I don't regard him as a friend, either. In many ways I am less naive.