So would him spending time with his kids on Saturday being seen has an action, instead of him going away with all his friends (and possibly OW)on the Friday night? I feel I'm borderline being autistic!
I guess he didn't want to be seen as a bad dad, who puts his life before he did!
I have been reading my posts lately and there is a lot of anger there, so I guess I reach the angry stage
I'm scared of letting go as I'm afraid of being on my own for the rest of my life. I know it's stupid as I have noticed how I am being looked at, but I guess I'm just scared about the unknown.
Don't think H cares about much apart himself. In 2 weeks time it's our youngest birthday, usually we share the cost of her party, he hasn't asked if there would be one, but as he's going to have her on her birthday it might doesn't matter to him.
I feel for you Rouky. It is so hard to let go. Part of the DB program is to do just that. Your husband needs to feel that you have let go in order to process his emotions of living without you. I was never able to do that with my W. Someone else calls it dropping the rope.
The prospect of starting over is very frightening. We can take this chance though and recognize exactly what we are looking for in a mate. I know that I will seek someone much different than my W next time. We just have to be patient and do what is best for ourselves and our children and everything else will sort itself out.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank you for your encouraging words Shotgun, that's what I needed to hear today. Not so easy to detach!
H turned up again early tonight, even took the dog for a walk while I ate my tea, then did a couple of other things that he'd not normally do! I thanked him for his help with dog and kids. I carried on doing what I had planned to do regardless of him being there or not! Not much conversation at all, but I did recognise his effort by saying thank you!
Not taking anything for granted as I'm suspicious that he could have an agenda (ie Christmas). Youngest daughter's birthday is in 2 weeks, booked a party for her but no invite for H. He is going to have her on her actual birthday, so booked the party the next day (as I didn't want him to complain saying that I didn't let him have quality time with daughter on her birthday!)
I have no problem if daughter wants to invite her dad, but I'll not ask him to come for her party. He lost that right to be part of this family when he decided to drop his pants in someone else's house! :-)
Just an update. Once more H came earlier, offered and took the dog for a walk. I offered him to stay for tea, he declined it, and I was fine with it. Strange as we all sat down to play a family game ( can't remember the last time this ever happened!). It was cheerful, kids were both exited to have all of us playing together! I felt H was grumpy and I hardly looked at him.
I felt a storm of panick when he left as it wasn't the way where he is staying at the moment. I remembered his housemate telling me a month ago that my H was hardly at his place in the evening! I had to concentrate really hard to tell myself that if he is back with OW it's out of my control and that anyway my M is over. Saying that it didn't hurt and that I wasn't sad would be lying!
I'm fine and hardly think about sitch when I don't see H, but it's when I know that he'll come to see kids that I get all worked up! Any advice to help me on this!
I'm scared of letting go as I'm afraid of being on my own for the rest of my life. I know it's stupid as I have noticed how I am being looked at, but I guess I'm just scared about the unknown.
The unknown is scary. But thats OK.
Theres no need to look so far into the future. Keep your focus focused on the present, and youll be OK.
Dilemma and could do with some help. If I understand well, letting go is not carrying about what H does, with whom he is, moving on as he is no longer I. My life. Now in two weeks, it's my youngest birthday (he will have on her actually birthday) and I have organised her party the following day. I'm thinking that I don't need to invite H to girls' birthday party b/c he would have spent the day before the party.
Sorry, just ignore my request as just answered my question myself: H will have daughtet on her actual birthday so he doesn't need to be present for her party with her friends!
Just had a think about the whole situation: at the moment I'm trying to stay friendly for the kids and b/c I'm still in the house, but once it's sold I won't need to stay friend with him, so I might as well start doing it now!
Got praised today by colleagues who told me how strong they think I am with my situation ( only took 3 days off work: only because my boss forced me to do it), and relaxed, how good I look! That was very kind of them, and felt proud of myself!
Going out for a meal tomorrow night to a friend's house, really looking forward to that, then the next day hairdresser and make up lesson! I'm SO exited about it!
Still no sign of D papers and H not doing much in term of pushing for the house sale. Baby step or not? Or has he just let go and not bothered to deal with and expecting me to push for them?
Hi Rouky. It is so hard to tell what S wants that we just have to focus on ourselves. My attorney seems to be the one who is pushing the process. I don't hear much from W either but I am moving forward as I can't wait forever. The ball is in your court as to pushing for the D. Be strong and do what is best for Rouky and your children. Your H has to flounder through whatever journey of discovery he is on.
Cool that your colleagues are noticing your strength. All of us here already know that you rock in that department! Hope your night out is a lot of fun. Going to do something tonight myself, not sure what.........
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
That's the thing I don't know ( or maybe refuse to see) what the best is. Haven't slept well this week, but despite being tired went out tonight ( not for long though!). It was a good night.
He came in late to pick kids up and he was in a not pleasant mood. We talked a few second about him having the kids in the house tomorrow while I'm out. I told him no, then he said it shouldn't matter as I'm out all day! Then he walked away with kids. I was proud of myself as usual I'd have followed him and challenged him, not this time!
If he wants to stay in the house, fine I'll do what I plan to do and he'll still be in charge of kids even if I'm back in house!
I have been quite tired as keep waking up during the night, and the fact I don't know what I'm doing. My heart still loves him, on the other hand I don't see much progress towards R. I know I shouldn't lose faith or hope. Tomorrow will be a better day!
I'm proud of you Rouky. I don't know how I could deal with W spending the day in my house. You are blessed with fortitude. Sorry that you aren't sleeping well. Exercise seems to help me with sleep. It sounds as if you are detaching somewhat and putting some boundries up for your H. It will drive him a little crazy knowing that he isn't in charge of your emotions any longer. You must stay strong as this is a long battle. Your hard work in your own life will pay dividends that will serve you for the rest of your time on this earth. Praying for peace!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
