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I usually leave the room if she starts texting, but I usually am upset and it shows. I guess i need to work on that. The few times i have caight her sending nudes to him I walk away so I don't blow up in anger.


I don't know of a lot of things you could do, but other folks may have some ideas. The only problem I see in just walking out of the room is that it appears the same as if you were giving her privacy to talk to OM.

Starsky use to tell his WW, "I hope that's not the OM you are texting b/c it would be incredibly disrespectful to me, as your H"......or something along those lines.

As I woman, I think one of the best things a man can say whenever his W is spewing,.... or just showing any kind of disrespect, is to say, "You are so unattractive at this moment". Now, grant it, some b'tches may say they don't care, (and some are so wayward, they don't care), but I'm silly enough to believe that that little truth dart does sting some women, just the same.

I understand about the anger. It's best to leave if you feel you are about to blow a fuse.

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I clean and cook now(a total 180 from what I was) but that is for the kids and me, not her.


Oh sure, that's what they all say. It's never for the W. I think in a WW situation, that is a 180 that men should not do. As long as the kids have food to eat and clean clothes to wear to school.....why do all her work? So she has more time for OM? Sorry, I guess I'm so frustrated at all the H's who immediately think a 180 should be to do the housework and cooking. If she wasn't wayward, and wanted to save the M.....then sure, chip in and help. But for a wayward, it just makes her treat you worse. She not only doesn't appreciate it, she disrespects you for doing it. (I know, crazy.) Do you cook for her? Do you wash the linens, towels, her clothes, clean her bathroom, bedroom, etc? It's rather hard not to clean and cook without everyone benefiting. But I digress.

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Should I tell her I'm going to cut off her phone? She would probably get on her mom's plan if I did and the contract cancellation fee would hurt me financially, but that would be a minor punishment i guess.


Like you said, it won't stop her. I went and bought a pay as you go phone, and my H never knew about it.

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I'm not sure what else I could do besides being very distant from her, but she doesn't seem to mind that.


No, she doesn't mind a bit, b/c she's deep & heavy into her A.

You leave her alone, do the cooking and housekeeping, so it sounds as if she's got it made.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Thanks for your reply sandi, I really aporeciate your advice.

I do the cleaning everywhere but the MBR, she stopped cleaning when OM came into the picture. I left it be until the kids started hurting from it. (No clean clothes or sippy cups, or cloth diapers)

I cook now because since me stopping video games I have nothing but free time. She doesn't pick up the kids toys or anything. But you make a good point. She really does nothing but play her game and talk to OM, and I'm enabling that.

How can I make a happy medium where my kids don't suffer, if she won't do the housework?


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At some point the kids needs outweigh proving a point to the wife. I have to cook dinner every night now because my wife works late.
I don't mind any more. I now cook well enough that I get the occasional compliment.

Some of the things your facing I never had to face so I can't give you experienced advice.
Please know though that I support you and wish you the best. Be well



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Thanks mutatio smile Your support means more than you know.

I do dinner most of the time and taught the kids to thank who ever makes dinner(that was before bd) So I do at least hear thanks from the kids every night. Also like I said the kids laundry and picking up their toys is for them. They don't deserve a messy house or dirty clothes and they need clean diapers.

I do my own and the W's laundry, but thats mostly cuz I'm too lazy to separate it. Lol

I really am lost about my R though. She says she is "weening" herself off OM, but that is a lie. I'm not sure why she is lying to me when it is obvious she isn't. She likes seeing me happy and I try to show her that. But it is hard being so lonely and trying my best not to be needy with her. I don't want to treat her like there is nothing between us, but I feel like that is what needs to happen almost.

She talks about a future with me (another child, building a new house for us) but it's hard to believe that when she is still talking to OM so much.


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I am getting played like a fiddle. Lol
Well it feels like that most of the time.


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They say the hardest instrument to play in the orchestra is second fiddle. smile



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Originally Posted By: Sorgan
I am getting played like a fiddle. Lol
Well it feels like that most of the time.


Recognize when it's happening and take control of yourself. You are in charge of your own actions.

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Hey brother,

It is good that you are at least conscious of what is happening, work with that, accept that it has happened and decide that it won't continue. This is part of your journey, build up your self-respect, and self-love. You are doing good, and I commend you for your patience, and being cool under these circumstances.


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Thanks for your replies guys. smile

Mutatio, I guess my wife would be a world class fiddler then. Lol That made me smile.

I don't know what to think half the time. She comes to me talking about buying a new house and a future that she knows I want, but when I see what she says to OM it confuses me. I know I'm not supposed to snoop, but if I didn't I would think she wants to be with me and actually is trying to stop talking to OM.

She tells me he is an jerk who flirts with the other girls on their game and wants her resources too much. She tells OM that I stalk and creep on her and how she wants him sexually. She tells him lies about the things I do and excludes that she asked for my company in situations. She says to OM that she is only nice to me because she volunteered me to cut her Grandparents (She was raised by them so it is almost her parents) grass and she is worried I would tell them the sitch.

She tells him she can't wait to get out if here and things of that nature. So, I get thrown for a loop big time. She is good at playing the both or one of us. I know OM has no clue about how my W and me actually interact like and I wonder what he would think of the truth(Mostly in hopes he would walk away). The onlytime truth I have seen her tell OM isand that I get upset when I see her text him. Supposedly OM is getting a new phone in a Week (I find it hard to believe he has had no phone for 3 weeks) so they have only been talking through their game and the LINE app lately.

I am very confused so much of the time. I want to believe my wife, but I find it hard to when I see the messages she sends to OM. I have calmly and politely told my W that, if she doesn't mean these things, don't tell me things about the future and if she wants to visit OM and end our M, as much as I don't want that and it saddens me, I would respect her decision. She shows no remorse or guilt for her EA, although she claims to feel guilty.

I am to the point where I can healthily accept a D or us working on our R. I mostly just want closure. I hate seeing her tell OM these things and tell me other things, but I dont want to call her out on it and say I have been spying and start a big fight. This Limbo is very hard to deal with. It stresses me out.

On a side note I have started doing some Yoga and it has helped to ease the stress and makes my back feel better. Working in Landscaping has done a number to my back over the last decade. Lol


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She is lying to you. Do not believe a word she says.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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