I’ve been reading many posts and have finally got the courage up to tell my own story. I’m 47, have been married for 17 years and have a 15 year old son. I’m English and went to work in a European country around 25 years ago. I meet a local girl and after a stop start relationship, including a weekend affair by her, we married eight years into our relationship. We were happy and had a son together. I believe she wasn’t diagnosed with post natal depression as her character changed gradually until she finally went to a psychologist six years into our marriage and was diagnosed as depressed. I dedicated most of my time to our son, she became increasingly busy at work. We failed to work at our marriage, she asked me of being impossible to talk, I said she was never around etc (how I wish I could turn the clock back!) Finally in late 2008 she said she wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce. She denied there being anyone else, I cried and pleaded (basically all the wrong things I could) After a couple of days she admitted there was someone else but wouldn’t say who. Eventually I found someone who had been through the same experience and learned to calm down and wait. He put us in contact with a marriage counselor. My wife went reluctantly as she was still seeing the OM. She explained there that he had failed to leave his wife and she didn’t know what to do. She believed you either love someone or you don’t. Her psychologist had told to not be so stupid and work to save her marriage and family but she couldn’t see it. After about five months, including a few days holiday to think, she admitted the OM was her boss who was about 13 years older. Her boss told his wife who insisted that my wife was sacked and he decided to stay in his marriage. I gave her time, still loved her and after a short time she found a new job. Our home life carried on as easily as ever, our son never knew, we still did things as a family etc. Some of her family knew and thanked me for standing by her. After about a year, she decided she wanted to leave, didn’t go on holiday to my family and stayed at home. I had to explain to my parents why and asked them not to change in their treatment of her. She went one morning to ask her sister if she could stay but changed her mind the same day. Since then we have been together for the past four years, we haven’t had sex but with time she did do some things for my pleasure but said she didn’t want me to do anything for her. We’ve laughed together, been out with friends and watched our son grow but always avoided talking about us. I always greet and say good night with a kiss, we sometimes hug etc. About three weeks ago I asked for some affection and she returned to the I love you, you are wonderful and my best friend but love either is or it isn’t conversation. She talked of leaving as she can’t imagine that I am happy as we are now but didn’t come to a decision. I’ve read Michele’s book and see us as being LRT or beyond. I’ve always wanted my son to grow up in a loving house and he has. I hate to think of him being damaged in his teenager years by our selfishness. Of course I’m scared of change, in a foreign country where I dedicate most of my time to work and family, I’m quite reserved and don’t have many friends outside of our circle. I’m trying focus on my own mental state following advice posted here but I’m beginning to lose heart.It is hard to keep smiling all the time! Is it worth trying anymore or time to let go?
