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Bright,
Depression is the main ingredient in MLC. As for the AD medication, he may get it and not take it or he'll take it and discover that he's not quite himself, i.e., possible side effects, and go off of the meds. If he is taking ADs, he needs to see his physician periodically to ensure that he's taking the right dosage...I wonder how he's managing that while being on the road. Time will tell on this one.

I don't see him entering another stage of the crisis just yet. If he's in the very deep, dark depression/withdrawal, he wouldn't be reaching out to your son just yet. My friend was still in the replay stage when he got ADs, tried them and then stopped taking them. In fact, he would open the bottle, smell the pills and then recap the bottle and put them back on the shelf in the cabinet. He said that the dulled his senses and interfered w/his sexual performance.

Life hasn't been a picnic for him, even though he has been posting to FB. It's a very painful, emotional journey for them and it's not something that is fun for them. If he is actually taking meds, he shouldn't be mixing them w/alcohol. But that is for him to figure out.

Bright, please try to refrain from looking at his and the ow's FB pages. I realize that you are curious, but you've got to let it go. Looking at FB tends to discourage and frustrate you and it keeps you stuck for a bit. Whatever happened between them is now yesterday's news and who knows, tomorrow they could be best buds again, which happens quite often. He could very well have a new ow by next week. Again, time will tell on this one.

Your son will be able to tell how he's doing when he sees him. Although he may very well put on the happy mask, he'll not be able to keep it on for a very long period of time because it's too difficult and a lot of work to keep up the happy go lucky attitude.

Keep your expectations at zero. You can always have hope, but I don't see where he's actually gone into the dark depression w/withdrawal from everything and everyone. He's still got a ways to go and that could take a while. Until then...continue to focus on you and your life. If he wakes up and wants to reconcile, he will have a lot of hard work to do and by that time...well...you ultimately will be the one to make the decision as to whether you want to try or not.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
I can almost predict what kind of replies I will get after posting this… But… I’m going to ask anyway… Especially that my sitch has been “dead” for some time and now I have a little bit of "development" (at least I think I do)… Here it goes… Is H transitioning into another phase of MLC? Is he now experiencing some depression? I don’t see any withdrawal signs, but I don’t have much knowledge about what’s going on with him. Plus, he would be the one to mask his depression and try to deal with it by partying more and harder… And inviting my son for this weekend… Are these the first signs of reconnection with family and kids, etc.?

Don’t get me wrong. I ‘m not getting my hopes up. Or, maybe I do… The hopes that H is finally moving into something else… That he is not going to be stuck in a replay phase forever… I might not be there when and if he comes out of his MLC, but it would be sad to see him being miserable for the rest of his life. I guess I’m in a compassionate mood today smile .


Hi Bright! I'm a big proponent of finding hope anywhere we can. If we're not "done" with the marriage, then why not? It helps to keep us going.

I'm so glad I was able to find things to be hopeful about... even if I did have to readjust my expectations a few times along the way. Now the possibilities seem to grow every week!

You're doing fine, keep going!

Last edited by ForeverYoung; 10/08/15 02:50 AM.

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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All I would read in ad medication is his life ain't as roses as he wants people to believe and it's not smooth sailing with the ow.

Apart from that, it would be mind reading. It's could be worse news or better news or nothing different as job said.

But take hope, if you need it. It's what keeps us all going hope for something, better a better future, a new r? Anything it's any hope in anything it good and provides motivation.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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Hi Bright, I agree with the others. It is always good to maintain hope and I think there is always hope if the door is open a tiny bit at your end.

However, I think the thing to watch out for is the 'watching' and the 'wondering.' There is always a danger that we continue orbiting around our WAS's - even though much time may have passed. Much better to have a separate orbit and be living our own lives with little regard for what they may be doing. There is still quite a focus on your H in your posts and perhaps this is something to think about...

I agree with others on the FB pages. I don't think FB ever serves us well in these sitches. If I think about my H and his R with OW. That has been on, off, on, off, on? Normally, I just get some wind of that status way after the event when what was on has become off or vice versa. The good thing about that is it doesn't really impact on my life. I don't go up and down myself with the on and offing, I just see that as his life now. It would never be a life of my choosing....to be linked to that sitch.

I guess the only thing that might change things for me would be an absolute end for things with OW, that was sustained for a good length of time, along with some significant realisation of damage done. And significant desire to reconcile, along with 'what will it take' and so on. For me, until or unless some of this happens, I don't really think about what H may be up to...and that's a freeing feeling. He is not my concern...

Hope this helps anyway & take care xx


Last edited by Sotto; 10/08/15 06:59 AM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Birght,

I am honestly more of a "realist" - the door to my marriage is not bolted shut but as time goes on the odds are not good that H is going to have an sort of epiphany. Like you I also have to accept that geography is another obstacle.

Perhaps you can take more of a realistic hopeful attitude? Don't bolt the door to the possibility but work on accepting the practical side of things.

It is very hard to actually put this into practice but honestly it has helped me tremendously. Just accepting the odds are not in my favor has allowed me to let go of the past. Having zero expectations is just another way of emphasizing detachment.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Bright,
Please start a new thread. You have 105 postings/replies.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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