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rd500 #2612721 10/06/15 06:34 AM
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Yes thanks! Busy working away....will post later xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2612908 10/06/15 07:19 PM
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Hi Jim and RD, thanks for looking in on me and sorry not to reply sooner. It's been a busy couple of days away at work this week and I'm WFH tomorrow, then yoga in the evening....all busy busy. Had a good day today and did a piece of work my boss was pleased with, so I'm happy about that.

Goals for the coming year....hmm. Some of them are necessity goals and are about getting my housing and financials stabilised.

1. Settle finances - probably through D already underway. But if that stalls, I'll either suggest formal S or file for D myself. I need to keep moving towards resolving finances though.

2. Get out of the rental market. This one needs finances to have been resolved and I'll buy my own place. Possibly the flat I'm renting now if my landlord wants to sell. If not, something else.

3. Get more stable employment. At the moment my fixed term contract runs to end March and I really need to secure permanent work. Hopefully it will be where I am now, working with my old chums.

So, those three are all about stabilisation, which I need to do.

Now, for the ones that are all about me....

1. I want to complete the divorce recovery workshop this autumn (already booked this.)
2. I want to treat myself to a nice car when we've settled finances (maybe a nice black rangerover like RD....not a basic model though grin)
3. I want to have a nice little holiday somewhere next year. Maybe a little spa break or cruise with a girlfriend.
4. I want to laugh more and be a bit silly. I have a funny and silly new friend and she is very good for me right now..
5. I want to reach a place where I feel healed and ready to leave H behind, wishing him well and letting go of my anger.

That's all I can think of for now. TBH, for me so much has changed in the past 15 months, I'll be glad for my life just to settle and for me to feel happy in myself. I don't have a huge bucket list - though I will keep 'accepting all invites' and pushing the boundaries with GAL.

I'm going to a GALA dinner with work on Friday. It's a lovely event - an awards evening where the efforts of local volunteers are recognised. I'm looking forward to meeting new people and wearing a pretty dress. I've had a couple of nice little chats with the attractive guy at work. I've decided straight up and friendly is the way to go - but I've teased him once or twice too. TBH, I'm not really overthinking that one. If there is some interest there, we may strike up a friendship, who knows?

Anyway, have a lovely evening my friends xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2612969 10/06/15 09:45 PM
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Sotto, you sound really good. I love your PMA, with that, no matter what happens, you will be just fine smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.

Take care. Rd xx

rd500 #2613994 10/09/15 09:29 PM
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Hi Sotto. I see now handsome Dan is on the scene you are posting less. I feel this is a good thing however I want to address a few points on your list.

No. 2. Don't even go there girlfriend !!!!!!! ( as D14 would say ) mines a Vouge SE !!!!!

No 4. You've already got Lady V , me and Sunny. How silly do you need to get !!!
No 5. Dublin


Take care and have a great weekend. Rd. xx

rd500 #2614117 10/10/15 08:30 AM
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Hi RD, I don't think handsome Dan is on the scene so much as somewhere in the background. But it's nice to be making new friends if nothing else..

No2. I actually have my eye on a Clio with medianav as my post financial settlement treat. My car needs replacing anyway, but I want to get something I'll enjoy.

No4. I know, and some silliness with you guys is great! I'm having lunch with my silly friend this week. Her pretty dog was in the local paper this week. The dog has a FB page and is building up quite a following.

No5. I'm booking my flights RD grin

Had a great night out last night at this work event. I sat on a table with 2 nice guys and we had a good chat and some really good laughs. I had my hair put into ringlets with a little sparkly slide, and I wore a silky dress - felt attractive and confident & didn't get in until late. Handsome Dan wasn't at the event. I'm really enjoying my work culture - much more so than my last place (which was pretty 'corporate'). This place is much more relaxed, open and friendly and it's nice to be a part of it.

I have a quiet day today, but I'll come up with a little plan. Tomorrow I'm meeting a friend for afternoon tea, then Monday, dinner out after work and Lunch out with my silly friend on Thursday. Quite a nice social week ahead.

My L was in touch this week. We have responded to the D petition and we're awaiting business accounts info from H's side. No more news on the house or any contact from H. The thing I don't like to think of at the moment is that we'll need to empty the house and get that sorted at some point soonish. A while ago, H suggested we just walk around together and decide who has what. But I wonder if I would feel strong enough to do that. It may be best just to agree stuff remotely and sort it out separately. Anyway, I don't want to borrow trouble from the future, but it is on my mind to an extent.

Generally, I'm doing pretty well though & I hope you all have a great weekend xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2614187 10/10/15 04:28 PM
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Hi Sotto,
Just stopping by your thread to say hello and thx again for all ur support. You, Lou, Job are all inspirational to me ...
sending loving thoughts your way xoxo
bttrfly


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Bttrfly, thanks for that. I'm pleased if my jumbled postings and wonky progress helps someone!

I had a nice day yesterday. Went out with a friend for afternoon tea and a chat. Been working away today and out with two colleagues for dinner after work. One of my colleagues mentioned she is interested in going on a yoga holiday. I've been thinking the same thing myself and told her so....we're thinking we may start with a weekend in the UK and see how that goes....new GAL plan.

Saw 'Handsome Dan' today & had a couple of little chats. He got a mention by colleagues tonight and I shared the story of him coming to my home town and saying he might look me up next time. Seems he is certainly single. D one or two years ago and 3 kids. My colleagues both really like him. All agreed it is early days for me....but all infavour of him and they said a casual drink with a new male friend at some point might be nice.

As for H, well I must admit I am just ready for things to be settled now. I don't want to still be M to someone who has been in a R with someone else for 18 months. Don't like the fact that we still co-own a house with possessions in it. Don't like the fact we still have a joint account. Today I feel as though I want to leave the whole lot behind and just move on. I won't actually do anything different as this is where we seem to be headed now anyway - but that's how I feel. I'm sick of being 'joined' with him now. Logically I know something could change at some point - but truly I'm not sure what my answer to that would be. Part of me now says - I've tried enough that I can move on knowing I tried to hang on in there for a good while - and wouldn't it just be easier to start again with someone else at some point in the future?

Just how I'm feeling tonight anyway - generally fine, but sick of H....

Last edited by Sotto; 10/12/15 09:00 PM.

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2615108 10/13/15 10:18 AM
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I can understand that. we can only take so much pain before we hit a wall, I think. The hardest part for me is having no say in this unilateral decision. There's what we can control, and what we cannot. Moving on is what we can control.

I'm not there yet. Maybe someday. The yoga holiday sounds fabulous. If you want to go to Costa Rica, my friend has a yoga studio there. Maybe someday I can go there myself.

You will sell the house soon. Drinks with handsome Dan sounds like a good way to dip your toe in the water to see how you feel about that next step.

You continue to inspire me, Sotto! You're doing great ! xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
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Hi Sotto. I'm going to sound like a broken record here but I think Handsome Dan is a great way to see how you really feel. You e been through so much and handled it magnificently It has to take a toll how could it not ? Just because you have handled the sitch it doesn't mean you are able to move on and be happy easily.

I sometimes don't think you realise how strong you have been or how you stood up for you when others ( myself included ) struggled so much. It's also pains me to see how much your have to give and how wonderful you would be as a partner and yet you still feel ( most days !!! ) love for H I read your posts and genuinely would be envious of Handsome Dan or Goodlooking Geoff or whoever you choose I understand why you love H but as an outsider and a friend I, you are WAY to good for him

While I believe he's in a MLC , Sotto needs to find how she feels. I will be standing behind you whatever you do and I want only the best for you.

Your struggling at the moment and I wish we all had a DB button we could press and call the gang together whenever we needed that extra help on the bad days

I couldn't finish the post without saying. YOGA HOLIDAY !! ! Where do you come up with them. Your in the wrong job. You should be selling wild and wacky GAL ideas. Your a natural !!!


Take care lovely lady , I be checking in for regular updates and if I think it's needed I'll insist on another online date !!!!!! There , that will light a fire under you

Rd. xxxx

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