Where do I go from here, pt. 3

[beckyb]

Avanti you are right. Recently I have spent too much energy thinking about what he's thinking.
I had a nice day shopping and talking with H's sisters-in-law. We talked about him but not the whole time. Talked about future plans, kids, everyday stuff.

[beckyb]

Feeling very emotional today. Not sure what triggered it. I feel like I've cycled back to the "I can't believe this is happening " stage. Ugh.

[Azzork]

Feeling very emotional today. Not sure what triggered it. I feel like I've cycled back to the "I can't believe this is happening " stage. Ugh.

It happens to me every 2-3 weeks too. Dont worry about it. My guess is the length and severity will be less than the less time.

You got this, Becky!

[beckyb]

Thanks. It's been a while since I've felt this weepy. I'm sure it will pass soon.

[beckyb]

I just had a revelation. I think I have allowed H to make me feel guilty about not pushing the D forward. And making we worry that he will be mad at me if something happens to OW before they can marry. How crazy is that? He is the one who broke our vows and is deliberate walking a sinful path. I am the one who is honor our vows. Big 2X4 to my own head!

[Avanti]

That is a great revelation beckyb, your mind is really working to help you now, and all because of the hard work you've put in to date.

No need to chastise yourself, thank your mind for doing such a grand job for you.

[beckyb]

My inspiration today:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19

[beckyb]

First phone conversation with H in over 3 weeks. He called and didn't answer since I was in the middle of something. A few minutes later he texted with a question about phone bills so I called him. We sorted out the phone question and chatted about a few other things. I was calm and friendly and so was he. No mention about the D or the settlement proposal I sent him 2+ weeks ago.

I'm feeling ok. Usually hearing from sends my anxiety through the roof. I guess I'm getting better.

[beckyb]

I've been thinking over the phone call with H yesterday (first one in a while) and thinking about what I did right and wrong.

Good: I didn't interrupt what I was doing to answer the phone. I waited until he texted me and then called him back.

Bad: I told him why I didn't answer the phone. I was finishing up a Pilates class.

Good: I didn't offer to fix his phone account online access issue. I explained what I thought was going on because I was having the same problem.

Bad: I asked him if he had done a "change of address" at the post office and told him he also really needs to change his contact information at the hospital.

Good: I didn't ask why he was at the hospital. When he told me why I said I was sorry but didn't dwell on it.

Good: I shared some information he needed regarding me preparing the house for sale. Signals that I am moving on.

Bad: I extended the conversation too long. He was the one that ended it. Ugh.

[gonegrl]

Becky, you did fine! Don't beat yourself up over every word and analyze each comment, that is too hard. Overall you did really well. And finishing up a pilates class is good, yes you didn't owe him an explanation but you put an image of you doing some sexy pilates moves in his head.