Working through it

[Sotto]

EM, I'm sorry to read this. You are only human and sometimes we have to go through this to see the kinds of things that truly don't work. It sounds as though you have just done that and it hurts. The main thing is to learn from that, to pick yourself up and take those steps forward again. It is a set back, but you can regain the lost ground.

Also, do remember that R's do not end or get rebuilt based on a single event or action. It is the accumulation of all our actions that ultimately make the difference.

Take care xx

[ILYNOT]

Stop snooping, there is really no point to it, you are pushing her further away and hurting yourself in the process.

Do what you must to DETACH!!!! MANDATORY 911! Get off the rollercoaster. I know what we are going through is VERY hard but we can do it together!

They have moved on and so must we!

Hang in there brother, I TRULY feel your pain, keep praying, keep praying and keep praying but also stop looking for things that will only make matters worst for yourself.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning, or crying or pain, the old order of things has passed away"

Psalm 119 - please read that.

[EMMess]

Thank you Soto...you passing by and sharing your thoughts means a lot. Yes, it is something I struggle with and it doesn't work. I am working on it, and the way you framed it helps me a lot.

ILYNOT, my brother. you have been there for me so much. I know I must let this go, I know I need to stop stooping so low and snooping as if I had no self-respect. I dislike the amount of pride I seem to be carrying around, I don't want to be made a fool of...ughh, such vagueness and lack of character. Yes, I will continue to detach and get off of her ride.

Thank you for sharing this Psalm, I read you posting about it on your thread. It definitely is something that speaks to us.

Lets continue to overcome this together, we are all brothers and sisters in such hurtful and sad circumstances.

[EMMess]

Thank you Soto...you passing by and sharing your thoughts means a lot. Yes, it is something I struggle with and it doesn't work. I am working on it, and the way you framed it helps me a lot.

ILYNOT, my brother. you have been there for me so much. I know I must let this go, I know I need to stop stooping so low and snooping as if I had no self-respect. I dislike the amount of pride I seem to be carrying around, I don't want to be made a fool of...ughh, such vagueness and lack of character. Yes, I will continue to detach and get off of her ride.

Thank you for sharing this Psalm, I read you posting about it on your thread. It definitely is something that speaks to us.

Lets continue to overcome this together, we are all brothers and sisters in such hurtful and sad circumstances.

[EMMess]

Good afternoon Family,

Its been a while since I posted, needed a few days to regroup. Have been distant, yet cordial and friendly with W since the huge fight. Nothing too much to write about there. I still miss her and I still think about what she is up to. I have been spending time with my boys and took the oldest with me to a friend's house were my friends and I had dinner as a family.

I refocusing on myself again, moving ahead with some of my goals, which I came to realize I lost focus on. Need to continue to work on detaching by GAL, focus internally, honor, love, respect, and accept myself. Working on the drinking and the controlling tendencies that I have, maybe even anger, so weird, don't know if I am overanalyzing and being too hard on myself.

Getting back to my PMA, so here is today's PMA:

Quote of the Day:

“invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
don't swim in the same slough.
invent yourself and then reinvent yourself and
stay out of the clutches of mediocrity.

invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
change your tone and shape so often that they can never categorize you.

reinvigorate yourself and
accept what is
but only on the terms that you have invented
and reinvented.

be self-taught.

and reinvent your life because you must;
it is your life and
its history
and the present
belong only to
you.”

- Charles Bukowski

Video of the day:

ReInvent yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5vm1lC0evg

[ILYNOT]

Keep it up brother, Glad youre spending time with your boys and friends. Great job at controlling your drinking, you may want to give it up completely until you have fully recovered from this, just as suggestion, it helped me A LOT!

I will keep you in my prayers as always!

Keep fighting the good fight! Pray for your wife to repent and for God to touch her soul.

[EMMess]

Good morning family,

Today has been an eventful morning for me, the boys got up earlier, my little one who has been sick got up while I tried to beat them to the day by taking a shower before they getting up...didn't work.

I am feeling sad, hurt, and anxious this morning. Can't seem to shake the fact that my wife is entertaining all of these flirtatious conversations. It hurts but trying to work on forgiveness. I just can't believe that this is where we are, and that this is how she decides to act. It becomes hard to accept that she is talking to this person everyday, about her day, her desires, etc and with me nothing, short messages about the kids. It definitely hurts. I know is cheese less, but I need to get to the point in which I have accept it, so just processing my feelings.

I have decided to try and minimize the repeated talking about my situation to others, I want to begin having a more bright, light outlook in life, and revisiting this situation all the time, I feel impedes that.

Anyway, that was sort of the journaling of my feelings this morning.

Here are my PMAs for today:

Quote of the Day:

I am so grateful for my troubles. As I reflect back on my life, I have come to realize that my greatest triumphs have been born of my greatest troubles.

Maraboli, Steve (2013-06-20). Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Video of the Day:

Grateful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IazlB8nbjtU

So difficult at times, this seesaw that we are on...

[ILYNOT]

I kow how hard this is, we are going through the same feelings, the hurt, sadness, and anxiety really hard to shake off.

I was reading last night to pray together as a group for our loved ones being deceived by OM, OW. To put on the Armor of GOD and pray!

Ephesians 6:10-20New International Version (NIV)

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

[EMMess]

Thank you so much ILYNOT. I really like these verses very much.

I will continue to re-read these today. I really need to get her out of my mind like that. I am just replaying her actions and the mean things she has said to me, the way she has spoken about me to her friends. Again, I know I need to let this go, and I need to forgive, in order for me to get to a good place. I am trying to do all of the above.

Trying to repeat what I am grateful for right now, thanking our Lord for the situation, and the fact that he wants me to grow from it. Staying focus on my goals, but this takes so much headspace and I want to reclaim it for more productive things.

It amazes me, how I came to fall to being like this. I have always been confident, sure of myself, and pretty even keeled.

[EMMess]

Good morning family,

I am in a new place today. I am angry at her, I am angry at our situation, hurt and angry by the actions she has taken, the things she has said, how she has decided to pursuit her "freedom". I feel abandoned, rejected, discarded, betrayed.

I am working so hard at accepting my circumstances, what led me here, what I did to contribute to all of this. Accept what she has decided, how she has decided to entertain flirtatious conversation with other men, how she has decided to not reach out to me, involve me in her life, walk away from our M.

I want to make the best out of this situation, turn it upside down, learn acceptance, forgiveness, love without conditions, regain my self-esteem, confidence, worth, love, care, acceptance. I have so much to offer, and yes I am flawed, yes I made my mistakes, but I am not my mistakes or my flaws. I am so conflicted, I want to love her from a distance, but yet I feel this anger towards her right now. I am working towards accepting and feeling my emotions but not allowing them to control me. I sometimes want to call her and tell her how much of a hypocrite she is being, how mean and hurtful she is being, how she has no regards for me or my feelings. Uggghhh, sorry to be venting through this.

New development*

Need your assistance with this, as I am being given a few guilt trips.

My w is currently finding herself in a financial strain. I am no longer staying at our apartment (I know this is a no no, but my mental health was more important to me); I have our sons 50% of the time, when they stay with me I buy the groceries, diapers, wipes, etc. My wife makes as much as I do, and has them half the time, she also travels more than I do (currently once a month for 2-5 days). I am contributing to our mutual expenses (daycare, after-school, 529).

She calls me saying that she feels I should be paying for electricity, gas, cable in our apartment, also food for the kids (but I buy the food when they are with me)

I feel bad, I hate that we are here. I am not sure if I am doing her wrong. I want to help but when I see that all she does is go out, eat out, spending her money, but when its tight wants to tell me that I am not contributing enough.

I would appreciate any words of wisdom I can receive.

Thank You