My wife left the house

[angel r]

thank you all for the advise, it means a lot. After reading every single post i decided not to send her anything. I guess i was just mad at that time that she is keeping my daughters away from me, this is just hurting me more. I havent wrote her an email, call , or txt in over a week after my counselor told me to write her a letter opening up to her and apologizing for not being there emotionally and how my past of being neglected had to do everything with it. No begging or anything , just telling her I've put myself in her shoes and that i would have left too if i was in her situation.

I have been getting sleep now, i dont cry as often except when i pass through my daughters room and i see her toys. I've started to eat a little more but still minimal . I still wear my wedding ring since i still have HOPE. I havent look her on facebook that much either.

I am working on myself. I still go to counseling in order to work on my past. I always felt neglected since i was 4 years old. Now that i am an adult , i dont show much emotion and dont talk much. I am working on myself now that i know my issue. I attended church yesterday by myself and prayed with the pastor and broke down while we did. It was amazing. Other than that , i am not getting a L. I have decided that whatever comes my way i will stand tall and firm. I might go to a men retreat this Oct-23, depends on my finances

[WhyUs]

Angel,

That sounds great. You should be proud of what you just wrote. It is the beginning to becoming a better you. Things will be tough for a while. Most of us were unable to eat for a while. There are going to be those things that conjure up memories that make you sad. That is ok to have those feelings. In time you will be able to handle them a little better.

I still cry when I see pictures, or see a movie that reminds me of experiences with her or my children. I get sad at the loss of my hopes and dreams. However, with time things have become easier. A lot of that is thanks to the people on the this board encouraging me to DB the right way.

There will always be times when you are not sure what to do. If that happens, come here and start writing like you have been.

[angel r]

can someone advise me on how to reach out to her to please allow me to see my kids? I dont want to beg , i dont want to threaten her either. Any takers ? I want to buy this Disney on ice that is coming to houston this month and i would love to take my daughter there , but how when i cant even see them. Since she is scared ill take them away because according to her i still have the right too. She says that until all this clears away then i would be able to see them. I guess until she serves me? but that can take months

[WhyUs]

angel,

If you want to see your kids and she is not allowing you the law is the only thing that can make her do it. She knows you want to see them. If you do communicate with her do not say anything except that you would like to see the children. You can suggest a time and place that you will pick them up and a time and place that you will return them. This will show that you have made an attempt at seeing the children and she has refused. If she is unwilling to do this then you need to get the law involved. If she requests to know where you are taking them tell her. Just don't initiate any confrontation.

I would write this:

W, I would like to see the children. Sunday at 5:00 works best for me. I can pick them up at XXX. I will return them at XXX at 5:00.

I am no expert so if anyone else wants to chip in here I will not be offended.

[angel r]

So every time i go out with friends in order to stay busy i always think to myself, if she was here she would be having fun, if she was here she would have said this. I am so attached to her and i miss her so much. Why did i let her down? Why wasnt i there emotionally for her? Why was a i so dumb. Why didnt i ever sit down in the couch and just asked her how she was feeling or how her days was. I am the only one to blame here. She tried everything with me , couples retreat, counseling, church and i didnt ever take her serious. Why was i so stupid? Now she doesnt want nothing to do with me because it's too late.

[angel r]

just thinking positive , just thinking positive

[ILYNOT]

It is not too late, change your old ways, become a better patient man, go to church, pray often.

Things will turn around, when you have interactions with her, be calm, listen, validate. You still have a chance.

Faith - Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Hope - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Love - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

[Painter]

can someone advise me on how to reach out to her to please allow me to see my kids? I dont want to beg , i dont want to threaten her either. Any takers ? I want to buy this Disney on ice that is coming to houston this month and i would love to take my daughter there , but how when i cant even see them.

Don't create a pressure situation here for yourself, her or the children by aiming for events. This will lead to disappointment and conflict. Even if you got them, W would very likely be upset because from her pov, here she is living in a shelter,and you're being Disney dad! Google the term if you haven't heard it.

Since she is scared ill take them away because according to her i still have the right too. She says that until all this clears away then i would be able to see them. I guess until she serves me? but that can take months

How and when did this come up? Can you explain it in more detail? You can't afford to be guessing here, you need to know what she means by 'all this'.

I think the suggestion for a first request was good - maybe give her 3 options for times, and have this first visit last 3-5 hours.

Make sure this is properly documented and keep your cool - remember that everything you write her (and even conversations, depending on recording laws in your state) may be read by a judge.

[angel r]

I asked her why she wasnt allowing me to see the girls, she said that at this point i have the right to take them away too just like she is doing ( she is getting advise from the women shelter , all they do is lift women up) I have never abused her i have never hit her or anything, i am surprised and in disbelief she would take extreme measures on going to a shelter when she has family and friends and a safe home. I would have left the house no problem. But she is just trying to prove a point that she doesnt need anyone's help. I asked her i could see them she said not until all this clears up , which most likely she is placing me in child support. I know these places provided free legal advise and a free lawyer. I told her why would she think something so horrible from me ? I would never take the girls away from you. Her respond was that i have shown her otherwise in our relationship where i didnt care about the relationship and i was never there for her and i wasnt that father she thought i was. That hurt me because she knows thats not true.

[Painter]

Angel, you can be glad she didn't ask you to leave, because if you had, she could have claimed that you abandoned the family and you could have been in a very tricky situation legally.

You should see your L asap. She has a L and a group that advises her, and she is doing legal maneuvers that you can't afford to let her get away with. You have to focus on your continued access to the children. I understand you feel like you are in a state of shock, but after several weeks, it is time to splash cold water in the face, take a deep breath, and start thinking strategically.

Talking to a L is like getting insurance. You don't refuse to get home insurance because just the thought of your house burning down is too devastating and upsetting, right? And you don't feel that getting insurance reflects on you negatively? This is the business end of things and they have to be addressed.

We need to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, as with anything else in life. I think you should send W a request to see the children and stop leaving it up to her to dictate when you get to see them. You and they have a right to see each other, and if she denies you access to them, you should go to court to get an emergency custody agreement in place. If you wait much longer, the judge may wonder why. It could reflect on your ability to take care of them, if it seems like you have to have your wife tell you what to do or that you are completely set out by circumstances and can't handle a crisis.

Again, what if your house burned down? Would you sit down and cry over the house while watching your kids wander confused around the yard? Or would you gather them up and get them to safety, like the responsible father you are? Because you realize you'd have to deal with the house later, right now you would focus on the kids. W is the house on fire right now. Somehow, try to disconnect your children from your wife. They are completely separate relationships and in this situation, they should be treated differently.

Your W is going through something you can't fix or make right at this time. And the more you try, the further away she will pull. She is an adult and can take care of herself and make her own choices. She is making some choices you sincerely disagree with. Take all your strength and focus on what you can do. And please, stop using the word 'allow' for her to see your own children. She doesn't own them, you don't need her permission.

I hope you take this as a pep talk and not as criticism. I've fought for father's rights for many years and it frustrates me to no end when I see a father believe that he has to ask the mother for permission to see his own children. It's both society and men who are responsible for this, and some men don't seem to care too much about their children after a divorce - but don't let those men set the standard for you!

Best of luck!