Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
As you've read the book, that's a great start and let's get you into problem solving mode. The first part of that is to determine what your goals are. Have you done that bit? Do they comply with the guidelines MWD sets out? I'm not prying and asking you to post them just get them written and correctly structured so they have impact for you. 

If you don't know what you really want to achieve, when you want it to be achieved by and how you are going to do it, there is no real purpose for you. People with purpose and direction thrive and move forward. It's not easy but they do it anyway, become one of those people and the answers to the points you made above will come clear to you.

Avanti... I have written my goals. I want to achieve them. Of course I do. That's why I'm here is to learn how to. I'm getting stuff done but slowly. It's hard for me to just do stuff right away... I promised myself a few things I want to accomplish in the month of October. So far 3 out 5 things have been done... my main goal is to win my husband back with a new me. Happy, confident, high self esteem. I'm reading like 3 different books plus bible... slowly like a turtle things are getting done! !!!


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
I have set another boundary and that is for h not to take my car when he goes to see ow. I told him I do not like it and don't want her in my car. He said ok he won't take the car anymore to see her... I was angry when I said it but said it in a calm and collective way.
Today at the er I was sitting next to him and I asked him if he filed the proof of service amd his reply was I'm waiting g to see what your going to do. I think he's playing games with me. I told him I've only emailed them to my L so he can prepare the paper work for me. And then later in the room he was laying down while I was sitting he put his hand on my shoulder /face and I laid on his arm. It was a nice moment. Not jumping in to excitement but it felt so good to get that love from him while I was in pain. And then he held me while I got my injection. Ugh I need /want him to come home... I love him...

Last edited by overcom; 10/06/15 07:21 AM.

Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,435
O, how are you feeling? You ok? I think to win your husband back should not be your goal. Your goals should all be about you- and just for you.

Wishing you a peaceful and pain free day.



Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
All my goals are for me. Losing weight, gal, building my self esteem, successful in her work that only a fool would leave.
I'm in so much pain! !!


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
Ok so I have build the courage to ask him to leave the house and that I don't like it when he comes as he pleases. So how would I say this to him in a civil way without fighting?


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
I told my husband that as long as he was choosing OW he could not live in the house. He couldn't have it both ways. I presented it as a self-respect thing. I ended up filing a petition to be the sole resident. Once he left I changed the locks. He didn't put up much of an argument because he knew he was in the wrong

There may not be any way to avoid a scene but you have to set appropriate boundaries for you.


Me53
H48
M 13
No children together
BDMay '15
PA June '15
H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing
Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
Hi becky. I'm so worried that he'll leave and never come back. He'll stop paying the bills. I feel like he's trying to be Victor from young and the restless. Lol


Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 495
Is he still in the A? If so he doesn't want your marriage no matter where he is. Do you want to be just a convenience? Can you detach while he is living there? Can you speak to your L about temporary support options?


Me53
H48
M 13
No children together
BDMay '15
PA June '15
H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing
Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
O
overcom Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 360
He's still with the ow. No of course not. I'm worth more then the way he's treating me. I don't deserve this. I can't even detach when he's not living here...
I just need to know how to tell him without being a b.... I'm a very nice person and this is the reason why I ways get screwed at the end. I already have the kids with 100% of the time... he has no clue how to take care of them and the ow can't even take care of herself let alone my 2 and her 1. Ugh. Pray for me cause tonight I will talk to him...

can I say this and please correct me if it's wrong.
Hey p. I want to talk to you about our living situation. I have asked you not to text ow while here and so far you have been respecting my boundaries. I think for the sake of the kids and me that you move out completely but are welcome here when we are home. I think you coming and going as you please gives the kids wrong ideas about us. As they are way to young to understand what's happening. I think this is the best thing for us.
something like that??

Last edited by overcom; 10/06/15 04:52 PM.

Me 34 H 33
Married 2006
S5 D2
BD Jan 2015 EA/PA
He moved out 2/2/2015
Came back 5/2015
Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,432
Hi overcome, just started to read your sitch and I'm sorry to find you on here. I don't know where you are but check with a solicitor.

Is the mortgage both in your name? If it's then by law he had to pay for half of it! If he doesn't pay for the bills, he has to at least pay child maintenance! If he tries not too he won't stand a chance in court! Another thing is that if his name is on mortgage, you can't change the locks! This is what the law says as I'm based in the UK, I don't know about where you are, but worse checking.

I only know too well how you are feeling right now. Keep focusing on your kids as at the moment you are their ROCK and TBH the only grounded parents.

Keep faith :-)

Page 1 of 11 1 2 3 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard