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Sorgan Offline OP
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Thanks mutatio. I know the pain will eventually subside, but it is hard to see in the moments. Especially right after we seem to have a genuine connection.


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Hey brother,

Its been a while. Just caught up with your sitch. Sorry to hear about the entrance exams, don't let this failure keep you from retrying. Get back up, dust yourself off, and study some more, destroy that exam. Check out Khan's Academy, some of the many subjects he tutors in for free are heaven sent to understanding some that may be on your exams.

Continue reading the books, add another if you can "Honor Yourself by Patricia Spadaro; great read. Practice small steps, if you can't make it to the gym, work ou from home, do 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 crunches, break it down to 3 - 5 sets and 30 sec - 1 min rest in between.

Do what you are doing, you have come a long way, we are rooting for you. Continue to look at meetup.com, they are creating new meetups all the time, you might find something that would interest you there.

Just wanted to pass by and provide me support. God Bless.


M: 34 W: 33
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Originally Posted By: Sorgan
Journaling...

Well it has been a rough couple of days since I last posted. Apparently I failed the "Is our school a good fit for you?" Quiz and got rejected, so that was a huge blow to my self esteem. My W continues to talk to OM. We have had some enjoyable moments, but it seems that any error I make is magnified tenfold to her.

I wasn't able to get out this weekend like usual. frown The W took our D4 to disney on ice with her mother and I stayed home with the other 3. It is getting harder for me to be here all the time. Finances prevent most GAL activities for me and I haven't had much success finding free ones that interest me or that I can work into my schedule.

My W talkes of a future with me and the kids now. I try to ignore it, but it's hard to because I want those things so much. She still talks to OM and tells him she is still avoiding me when she seeks me out on occasion now. She seems to want him sexually and me as a caregiver. I don't know what is going on in her head though. She lies to both of us, I am just smart enough to see her lies I guess, or OM doesn't care.

I need to detach more again, as all her talk and touches drag me right back in. I feel so lost and lonely most of the time now.


Many of my GALs didn't cost a thing but the nerve to do them. Get out... Take long walks/runs .... Exercise is a very good outlet.

As far as her lying to the OM and him not knowing or caring... Probably both... He is getting free milk what's not to like, I arrived at a point I made the OM fill ALL her needs , dude was no where near the man I am and only wanted the fun stuff and had no clue how big the train was behind the locomotive ... This freed me up to be able to work in myself

Focus on you, become a better person ... Not for her, for yourself and the kids


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Quote:
I know. I just don't want to realize later that a bump I made was one that made the car breakdown.


Hey, my car hit a few potholes, but I found my way home. wink


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
I made the OM fill ALL her needs , dude was no where near the man I am and only wanted the fun stuff and had no clue how big the train was behind the locomotive


This is a very evocative image. Ill need to keep this in mind.

As you may know, my W is OM's OW. Couple of long trains in that R - will be interesting to watch how long they are willing to fullfill ALL of the other's needs.

[sorry to hijack!]

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Sorgan Offline OP
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Thanks Cali and Sandi for your words of support. They mean a lot. Although I don't know how much of the train OM could see living 600 miles away. I try to leave those thoughts about OM alone for my own sanity.

Thanks Emmess for your support and suggestion of that book. Ill try to pick it up next chance I get. And Nothing I failed was academic related. Thats kinda the kick in the crotch. I passed all that but failed the exam about how commited to school i am and how much time I could devote to studying, etc.

Abd no need to worry about Hijacking anything Azzork. smile Every post helps contribute and at least lets me know people are reading up and caring about me and my sich.


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I know I'm suppsed to only show her happiness even if I'm hurting, but does that include when she is texting OM around me or if I catch her taking selfies (Nude or Not) for him? If so, how am I supposed to do that? How do I push that to the back of ny mind to be happy for her?


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I am so sorry to hear this Sorgan. This is a very tough situation, I couldn't imagine being around that, walking in on her taking selfies. I will first commend you for your patience. I would have stood firm on her not disrespecting me, our children, and our home; that although it is over between her and I, we are still parents and should have respect for one another.

Remember you are honoring yourself, loving yourself. Set boundaries, especially in your home. Enforcing your boundaries would be tricky at times, how can you drive home the fact that you won't accept this? Do you continue doing things for her? To make her life easier?

Hang in there my friend...


M: 34 W: 33
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Quote:
I know I'm suppsed to only show her happiness even if I'm hurting, but does that include when she is texting OM around me or if I catch her taking selfies (Nude or Not) for him? If so, how am I supposed to do that? How do I push that to the back of ny mind to be happy for her?


Come on, Sorgan! Do you truly think you are suppose to walk around smiling like a dunce while she's texting OM in front of you? Have some balance in this stuff. What is your boundary about her conduct? What consequence does she have when she starts texting him? Same thing about sending a man nude pictures. Are you suppose to sit back with a big ole smile on your face and ask her if there's anything you can do for her? No!

Maybe we should clear up about showing only happiness around the spouse. In other words, you don't sulk, pout, cry, whine, act pitiful and look at her with puppy eyes, act as if you've lost last friend, stomp around, throw things down and walk out in a huff, etc. You don't show her she's getting the best of you by breaking down, becoming all melty-man on her, and things along those lines. But neither are you suppose to jump up and click your heels together if she's sending naked pictures of herself to another guy.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Sorgan Offline OP
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Thanks sandi and emmess for your quick replies.

I usually leave the room if she starts texting, but I usually am upset and it shows. I guess i need to work on that. The few times i have caight her sending nudes to him I walk away so I don't blow up in anger.

As far as a punishment I dont really do anything to punish her per se. I don't do much for her at this point anyway. I clean and cook now(a total 180 from what I was) but that is for the kids and me, not her. Should I tell her I'm going to cut off her phone? She would probably get on her mom's plan if I did and the contract cancellation fee would hurt me financially, but that would be a minor punishment i guess.

I'm not sure what else I could do besides being very distant from her, but she doesn't seem to mind that.


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