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otw Offline OP
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i am also curious if the advice would be to go dark when she does leave.
we also have to tell the children now. I asked her how she wants to do it. she said we should be honest. I said are you sure because although i am in a different place now, i did not want this or initiate it. Asked her if she was telling the kids the whole truth. didnt really get a response on that.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 569
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It's not over! Don't give up! Give her and your marriage over to God! They are really His anyway.

"With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" Matt 19:26.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him" Romans 8:28

Whether she comes back or not. Be sure in 5 years when you look back you can say "I am a better person today. I did everything I could to hold this M together. I am a man only a fool would leave"


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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otw Offline OP
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thank you. i am leaving it to him and praying right now for strength. I know i didnt want to post as much but i think i really need support right now and this is the place to get it.

thank you for the words.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,952
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Originally Posted By: otw
i am also curious if the advice would be to go dark when she does leave.
we also have to tell the children now. I asked her how she wants to do it. she said we should be honest. I said are you sure because although i am in a different place now, i did not want this or initiate it. Asked her if she was telling the kids the whole truth. didnt really get a response on that.


Be VERY careful what you say here.
You dont want to blame it on her. You dont want to pit your kids against your W. They arent old enough to understand, and you dont want your M to get in the way of their relationship with their M. Or possibly with you. Whatever issues you are having with your W, I think it's important you not try to team up with your kids against W.

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otw Offline OP
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I told her that exactly. The truth is going to be hard on her. In that same thought I also don't want them thinking ther is something that I could do to stop this and I want it to happen.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
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otw Offline OP
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I am really interested to get some thoughts on how to move forward with lrt when she moves. Do I go as dark as possible with dealing with the kids?

I know detaching and gal are my goals and will be easier when she leaves but I still am in the thought of us being together again. I just looking for some opinions. I know every situation is different but do I be a great person and be helpful as possible or just go dark?
I'm sure it isn't that easy to answer either but I guess I am having a spinning day.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
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otw Offline OP
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Lol. After trying to avoid posting here I am again!

Is it worth finding out if there is an affair going on in order to possibly reduce spousal support? I am stuck as I do want to reconcile and don't want my kids suffering when they are with her due to lack of quality living or lack of money but I also do not think she should get anything of she has lied this long and is pushing this for another relationship.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 630
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Posts: 630
If she is having an affair she should not get spousal support. The child support is for the kids. They are most likely going to be taking enough child support to keep their quality of life as normal as possible.


Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs
EA: Started 3/2015
MC Started: 4/2015
She moved out and served 6/2015
PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015
2 young kids

"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
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otw Offline OP
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I don't know if she is having an affair. No proof


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 630
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Posts: 630
There are pretty easy ways to find out. Phone records, credit card statements, find my iPhone to see where she is going. If you do snoop it is important to keep it to yourself. She will see it as a betrayal even if she is having an A. That is how twisted their minds work.

If you find something do not just go nuts and confront her. Come to this board and ask for support on how to handle it.


Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs
EA: Started 3/2015
MC Started: 4/2015
She moved out and served 6/2015
PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015
2 young kids

"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
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