One thing I do find myself regretting and/or second guessing. This Friday I have an appointment to go sign a custody agreement. It was written up by my lawyer so I am sure my best interest is in play but I don't know if that is the right route to go? I'm getting cold feet about the whole thing and I hope it is the right move?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I know it is something I have to do to protect myself as a father and keep S4's best interest on the table. I just feel that by signing an agreement that gives 50/50 custody, even though it is fair an d best for him, I am signing away half my rights? Ideally he should have both of us in his life 100% of the time, not this split time garbage... I will go Friday and sign the papers, it's just going to hurt.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Sighhhhh (that's my deep breath!), I know it is for the best. The best for S4 as well as myself so we are protected and XF can't interfere with our relationship. Once it is on paper, it's law. I will be able to sleep a little better at night knowing I have that. It just has me torn... I never thought it would come to this. I just never thought we would be in this situation. We were the couple everybody always looked at and wanted to be like. Now look! It is what it is, I will survive. Me and S4 will thrive! I just wish She was along for the ride!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I still seem to find myself reeling over the thought that this could all go away with a long, heartfelt, civil conversation... It just all seems so surreal these past few days like maybe I will soon wake up from this dream?
I know it's not that easy. I know this is way more complicated than that. This thought is just sticking with me lately... Damn this [censored]!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Signing the agreement doesn't mean that the future is fixed and you are one step closer to done w/ each other for good. That's just you giving it that meaning. Reconciliation happens when it happens. It may be she needs to get to the point of being as free of the R as one can be when there are kids before she deals with her issues and feels in enough control to allow herself to take risks and be vulnerable. So, the symbolism that you are giving to this one event is what you are giving to it, not its inherent reality.
I know it is really hard to do. I know that when my time comes to sign on the dotted line, I will struggle. I hope I will remember my own advice and have people remind me with a few 2x4s if I don't. Hang in there, it's nothing that can't be undone.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
As, my last post was just about things in general. Not just the custody agreement. Yes I am struggling with the thought of that a bit, I think it has triggered deeper thinking into the situation on my part? How simple it could be.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
On one hand I believe in No Regrets. Meaning if you feel strongly about something than do it.
However, realize the more "reeling" you do, the more confused you are. And what feels like a good idea might not be.
Your S is better with both parents in his life. She doesn't want to be with you. 50/50 is reasonable. Be strong, confident and graceful. In no way does this mean things are over. Your S is your bond, and that will not go away.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
I'm not trying to reel mahhhty, I know what I have to do. Me and my lawyer have been working on it for months. It is just that the closer it gets, it seems to have me backsliding...
I know we will always have S4 TOGETHER. We will constantly see each other. We will have many, many interactions through the years. Yes, that gives me a lot of opportunities to "be the better choice". I, along with most people here don't want to be a choice. I want to be the only...
Once again, I know what is best for S4. I will follow through with that Friday. He needs both of us whether or not it is under the same roof!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
