Thanks mleigh for this post. It helps get a different perspective on what is going on in their heads. It is hard to find this information. Sometimes it is hard to understand what they are doing and how much they can twist situations around for their benefit.
Although it can be really trying - it seems like being calm and collected and standing your ground (compassionately) is the way to go.
I have no advice for you, as I am very new to this and don't really know what to do myself.
Sotto, Happy was here many years ago and the postings were purged. However, I did locate this one thread which may be of help to you from another poster.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am glad you guys are finding that post helpful, and amazed that I figured out how to copy and paste it!
Feeling as I have been, wanting so badly to get a glimpse into my H head, I found that post satisfied that urge for me. I was so happy to stumble across it, was perfect timing for me.
Thank you Job, too bad so much good stuff has been purged
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Wow Job! I am reading the thread you linked above and I am blown away. Not only by the similarities in my own marriage but with the opportunity to see inside the MLC mind. And to hear his feelings....powerful and eye opening stuff, no frills, just the truth.
Thank you so much for sharing.
H dropped off S just now. He had asked to have S a little later than normal today. I agreed, I had him late yesterday and sounded like they were having a good visit.
I have been busy busy today. I boxed up all my novels and all S children books to donate. 6 boxes! I also pulled out the Halloween stuff and started putting stuff out. I set up a few things to startle H and S, got them!! Lol.
I had a few extra Halloween lights, asked H if he would like to use them at his place. He said no, to keep it all and use it here at the house. He said that we will spend it here, that he isn't doing anything at his place.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
M you have done so well to this point, I think looking ahead at the holidays is wise, as we know those times stir up all sorts of emotions not only in them, but for us longing for 'normal' what ever that means anymore
I know in my sitch the Boulder seemed to dislodge during Thanksgiving when I did what I felt was good for me, a shift as I tried more about what was good for the M or for W ... Seems like yesterday to be honest
That thread was great reading. I am so glad it is helping you guys as it has for me. I found it to be an eye opener on things I need to change in myself, along with it being a reminder that their life away from home is not exactly paradise.
Cali....the holidays are tough for me. Actually, ANY time spent with H is tough for me. If we were in the process of D, if we were even discussing D, if there was OP, it would be a no brainer for me. You want D and or someone else in your life, then we live as we are D.
In my case, he is away to figure himself out, as I encouraged him to do elsewhere, it was too painful and disturbing for us to live together while doing that. So, I find it very confusing on boundaries for time spent together, holidays or otherwise.
So far, I have been taking it as it comes and doing whatever feels right for me. Sometimes feeling used in doing so (his birthday for example. Made a huge meal on his request, had his dad over on his request, played family for the day, then back to separate lives)
Sometimes truly enjoying the time and sensing a connection.
I guess I just need to do what feels right, watch and learn for future decisions, and hope I will know what to do by Thanksgiving.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
You have to do what feels right for you. If you feel uncomfortable w/your h around or he's popping in whenever he feels like it, then you will need to set boundaries.
As for the holidays, you will know what to do when the time comes. You've got little over a month before Thanksgiving is here. I wouldn't worry to much about making a decision now. A lot can happen between now and then.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Happy changed his user name to HappyandContent. I think he did reconcile w/his wife and family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
