Might be a good idea to read up on what to do regarding someone who has just finished an affair.
Chapter 10, page 193 of the DR book is on infidelity and it's probably a good idea that you read it now, don't wait for the counselling. Now's the time to read up and maybe take a trip to the piecing forum here to see what experiences others have had and aware having. Getting your head around what to expect is going to start now, in some ways you've got the hardest part to come, so get your head into it.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Thank you, Avanti, for the excellent advice. H is back to denying anything happened at all again.
This came up just a minute ago when I asked him what we are doing. He said, "working on our marriage." I then asked if he'd broken it off with her, and he said there's nothing to break off.
After a bit of arguing, I realized I was breaking my own rule about waiting until MC, and let it go. He's going over to his friend's house tonight, and I am not welcome. I told him I was not ok with that, so he's going to have a talk with them and make sure they know we're working on M.
Still do not believe him, but it would behoove me to take a wait and see attitude.
This is so hard. Have to keep reminding myself why I'm even trying.
Originally Posted By: Ancaire I just found out that H and kids are all out together. My suspicions were correct, but the reason was wrong. I find I'm incredibly hurt by this for some reason. The kids have always been close to their dad, but he's the one who screwed it all up...not me.
Why did he say he was going to a business meeting if he was just going out with the kids?
Thank you, Avanti, for the excellent advice. H is back to denying anything happened at all again.
This came up just a minute ago when I asked him what we are doing. He said, "working on our marriage." I then asked if he'd broken it off with her, and he said there's nothing to break off.
After a bit of arguing, I realized I was breaking my own rule about waiting until MC, and let it go. He's going over to his friend's house tonight, and I am not welcome. I told him I was not ok with that, so he's going to have a talk with them and make sure they know we're working on M.
Still do not believe him, but it would behoove me to take a wait and see attitude.
This is so hard. Have to keep reminding myself why I'm even trying.
You're like a dog with a bone! Leave it and get over to the guys in piecing for guidance, they will all know exactly how you feel and be further ahead so can help you.
Not saying you are wrong you simply need to get the right advice rather than go off all cavalier. Part of the reason you got to the place you have with him is because of DB'ing and you didn't know what you needed to do at the beginning. Now you are at a different stage of play, get your head back into the DR book and start talking with those who can really help you. Many say that piecing is the hardest part so do the work that's required.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Ancaire, I am sorry you having a disappointing moment. Overall it seems like your going in the right direction. I sometimes feel creating am environment to effect change in my marriage is like trying to steer a drunken elephant with a feather.
Avanti, thank you for the 2 x 4! I have no idea why, but I was not very happy this weekend. I have been missing my daily walks. I'll start that up again in the morning. I really think they were extremely beneficial in my PMA, and that is one recent change I've made that I haven't had a chance to do lately.
I have been reading DR, the forums in piecing, and monitoring my breathing. That sounds funny, but when I'm upset my breathing changes, my mood with it, and never to a good frame of mind.
I realize how many positives are happening. H calls me. H is pleasant to me. H is excited about my goals. H is monitoring his reactions, too. That's a really good start considering where we were a month ago.
Message received. You are a wonderful advisor!
Mutatio, You had me rolling with your image of an elephant and a feather! Quite apt, I'd say. Thanks so much for dropping in!
