In the UK - need help (pt13)

[Huddy]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2602796&page=11

Link to old thread.

Hi NDY

That is interesting about the L. I'm off to get a new bank account tomorrow, so will see if I can get an appointment.

I came home with a sheaf of questions I wanted to ask about provision for schools etc. but when I got in, I noticed that my SD had been crying and W was sat on the setee looking blankly in to space. Decided to have a STFU smoothie for tonight.

TBH, I've been up since about 0145, so I'm knackered. I think that can wait for another day. I notice she has been looking at the letter I sent her at the very start of this sad event. It has been in the same place since she read it the first time and now it's been moved. I can see it, as it's beside the cooker. I guess things are hitting her, but I can't wait for her, otherwise I'll be homeless, so plan in action for bank account and then will start looking at flats in the next week (can't look sooner as I need the new account to set up the payments).

Right, bath to run for my babies!

[NDY]

Hi mate

Ok, you sound stronger and that's good. With SD, id let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk but leave it to her to want to talk to you. Also, those questions you have are probably legitimate. So I'd get them written down and arrange to discuss with your WAW.

Be prepared though. She's most likely going to hit you with bat sh!t crazy answers. No smoothies here. You have a right to know how your children will be provided for. But don't argue. Take a wonka lesson and treat it like business. Make notes if necessary.

Then get house hunting and that's now your business, not hers. You'll need an agreement in principal from your lender if you intend to buy. You will also need an interim agreement before the missives can be concluded (Scots Law).

You may also want to consider a plan for the kids staying with you and discuss this with your L. When my WW left with S10 my WW's lawyer was making noises about me vacating here and her and S10 moving back. My L pointed out a few 'facts' about how my WW was the one causing the disruption to S10's life. It suddenly went quiet. Get my drift?

[Huddy]

Morning NDY

Managed to sleep until 0345 this morning! Hurrah (sort of).

Came down from bath last night and my W had been crying on the setee. No idea what about, but her eyes were red and she had streaks down her face. I informed her we had a couple of emails from estate agent about fees and one from a fund that my S gets due to his disablement. I asked her what she wanted to do. She said 'I don't know what to do'. Well, I don't know what you want anymore, so, it's up to you. I told her to let me know when she'd decided.

I chatted to my SD, keeping her informed that I'd seen a property to rent on the internet, that was near a train station, that meant she could continue going to her college, albeit, she would have to pay her fares. It's a nice two bed and has enough room for bunks for the kids when they stay. Off to get a bank account sorted out today for myself so I can start moving stuff about. It's up to SD, but I will honour my responsibilities.

W was also awake at 0345 this morning. I heard her coughing, shuffling etc. Is she at the bottom yet? No, but she's on her way. I noticed she'd been looking at property near her parents. It's all out of her price range and as she is essentially a SAHM, she has no income. What a mess.

[NDY]

Well you're doing the right thing getting your ducks in a row. This is about you and the kids now. Your WAS has to go on her own journey but there is no avoiding the fact that the house is now sold and you both will need to sort that out no matter what.

[roist]

Don't make assumptions.....they tend to come to bite us in the ass. If W gets a job or rich OM or wins lottery she could afford it. I know that logically she can't. At the end of the day it is her problem and only concerns you in relation to how it affects your kids.

Maybe W is up s&@t creek and is not happy with her prospects.But maybe she prefers that to being with you. This is not a reflection on you, but where she is at in her thinking. Again this is out of your hands.

Just for curiosity after house sale is agreed, ye have how much time to change your mind and pull out?

Have you accepted as a fact that she is taking your kids away?

Best of luck.

[Huddy]

Hi Guys

Yep, W is up that creek. It's up to her to sort it out. Worst case scenario is that the kids would come with me and she would go to her parents, so nobody is without a roof.

You're right Roiste, there is nothing stopping her getting a job at some point, but don't forget my S's disablement. It will be difficult for her to get re-established. It's out of my hands. I will continue to be the lighthouse.

[NDY]

You sure that's the worst case scenario? I mean if you were on your own with the kids can you not get help from the NHS or the council or something?

[Huddy]

Probably. I meant that nobody would be without a home. I think W has tried to call whilst I've been off site at a meeting. I'm not going to call back. If it was about the kids she'd have texted.

Bank account sorted for tomorrow, so that's one thing off the depressing list of things I've got to do.

[NDY]

Yip, it's depressing but it's gotta be done. I've had the WW on about the bills again, wanting me to up the money I give her instead of her transferring everything to me. I've stood my ground and now she's in the process of doing this (can you believe she said that she doesn't have time to do this for 'me'. Yes, you read that right. She thinks she's doing this for me. laughable). She's livid, but the point is made.

The reason I'm saying this is that although this will be the most gut wrenching part of the process for you you have to stand firm and do what's right. With a PMA of course.

[Huddy]

So, let me just recap here. Your W has left your home, is having a child with another man and she is wanting to keep hold of your money to pay bills for a M she no longer wants to be in? I can't work this out. Maybe it's because the LBS tends to be the one who is being rational throughout, but if I had walked out on my other half, I would be grateful to be relieved of the pressure of paying bills for somewhere I no longer lived.

Flip it on it's head and it could be a feeling of loss on her part. She is maybe realising what she is losing and by cutting her financial ties to the house, makes the prospect of a R with you more distant. I could of course be talking BS and she's just a control freak. It's all bizarre.