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What did your kids to your H to convince him to go to MC ?


M: 27
03/15 - BD ILYBINILWY
09/15 -OW confirmed
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You're definitely not insane. You're in touch with your emotions and not afraid to let them out. I don't look like I would be found crying but I and have found myself many times crying while driving. I couldn't even wait for the stop light. I say let those tears flow just not in front of H.


Me 40
WW 41
D 4
S 12
S 14
BD 6.16.2015
W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15
W Filed Divorce 9.14.15
My ring off 11.15.15
D finalized 12.18.15
WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place

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I just though I would share my major collapse, this was 7 months in

Distraught Vanilla

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Jpeg...they totally shamed him. Called him on the carpet for lying. Asked what kind of woman would be dating a married man. Said if she was in the picture, they wouldn't be. Reminded him about his former high standards and asked if he would be okay with THEM making those choices. Told him his behavior was disrespectful to everyone.

That's just what I know. My kids speak their minds. That's why I tattled on him...now I'm kind off wishing I hadn't...lol

He broke up with Skank today. It [censored] having to watch him be sad about it. He is being pretty open to suggestions...but I don't trust him. One day at a time.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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Oh my goodness, V! That is awful! I can honestly tell you H didn't treat me like that. He did a lot of judging and let me know I could improve, whereupon I rebelled with passive aggressive tactics. He turned into the monster at BD. He's been upset today, but not mean.

I don't know what is going on. Will just have to wait and see.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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Wow. Everything is moving so quickly for you. So many ups and downs and changes from day to day. I wish a nice peaceful vacation for you somewhere in the Caribbean.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
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Wow!!!!!! Great kids.


M: 27
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09/15 -OW confirmed
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Vanilla, I read that thread and I am amazed at how you handled your very difficult situation. Your sense of humor remained intact and it seems like you had this amazing ability to truly detach and actually analyze your husband without letting emotions overrule your intellect. (I do like your screamin banshee analysis though) your a very strong woman, and this board is lucky to have you here.


Me: 42
H: 43
Twins age 5
Physically Separated 7/2015
Joined: Aug 2015
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Julie - I agree completely. I have situational whiplash! I cannot believe this drama. I'm boring. I like "normal". I must be in training for something coming up...the very idea scares me to death.

The next two days will be spent in accelerated, intensive training for phlebotomi. No fake arms...I'll be full of needle holes since students practice on each other. I'll come out with a National Certification, so can get the part-time job I've been planning right away.

I'm sticking with my plan. Just not getting to move to the beach yet. Will keep an eagle eye on H. I truly have found my spine again!

You guys would have been so proud of me this morning. He said he was ready to try counseling. I unenthusiastically asked why. He said after talking to the kids he'd reconsidered. I thought for a very long time. H was squirming. Then I said I would be willing to try, but H had to get rid of skank today. Non-negotiable. He said ok. He left to go take care of it a bit later. Honestly, that infuriated me. She got the news in person. I got an e-mail. Makes my blood boil.

I have this dread that they see themselves as Romeo and Juliet (Offendero and Skankiet.) That makes me the villain. Nice. Deep breaths. MLC. Resist the urge to claw out H' s eyes, choke him to death, and stomp on his remains....BREATHE!

I don't think he really knows how to deal with the new me. He's being respectful, asking permission, knocking on my door...crazy. Once I reached the point I didn't really care anymore and decided to get on with my life and let him catch up later, all our old relationship dynamics changed. This is very much in line with DB, but I'm surprised that it's not an intentional LRT. I really will be okay if it doesn't work out. He broke my heart and it changed me.

I'm getting good at catching him attempting to manipulate me or control me, and call him out on it immediately. I call BS when I know I'm being lied to. I warned him my head was clear and he'd best watch himself. He's beginning to understand what I meant.

In the meantime, I will have to constantly bite my tongue, sit on my hands, and watch my 50 year old teenager get over his break-up, listen to his poor pitiful me speeches while validating, and do my best to remember I actually loved this man once.

It will be worth it if I get the marriage I'm longing for. If not, we can be peaceful knowing that we actually tried. I'm dragging him to MC weekly, signing us up for every workshop I can afford, and we've already agreed to just talk for at least 30 minutes daily. I need to come up with conversation starters. No talking about R or OW without counselor.

Working on my goals daily. Journaling. Definitely so much stronger. Just working on me. I'm really beginning to enjoy it!


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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Posts: 1,716
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I adore Vanilla! We are lucky to have her. She helped open my eyes and gently pointed me in the right direction.

She's one of those people God uses.

How blessed we are.

Thank you, Vanilla. You helped change my life.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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