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Huddy Offline OP
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Week 27

Funny thing, my S, who can only talk in basic sentences, started saying 'no nanans' today, out of the blue. 'Nanans is a UK term for Grandmother, and this is where my W has threatened to go to. The fact that he has said this, with no prompting is odd. Obviously, to my W, I had been priming him to say it (with his disability this would have been difficult and that's not my style) and she said to him 'I wonder who's put that idea in your head?'. Taking a sidewards glance at me.

Now, a few months ago, old Huddy would have said something, explained that he hadn't done anything and would have got in to a fight. Huddy 2.0 said jack and carried on watching the TV, avoiding the chance for W to start a war and gain 'control' points form it. Feel excellent about this self control!

So, for any newbies reading this dreadful long, tedious story of my marriage being destroyed by the woman I love, I have the following words of advice. Being nice won't work. Being nasty and hard won't work. Running around like a blue arsed fly, doing every bit of housework or babysitting duties in the house won't work. Arguing, begging, pleading really won't work. STFU and just do something different instead. It's hard, really hard. You'll hate yourself and your other half, but it really is the only way to try and get some peace and start feeling better.

GAL is difficult and doesn't mean you have to go out every night. Do things that are of interest to yourself and choose to do them because it's what you want to do, not what your W/H wants you to do. Don't worry too much it they throw the 'you're not attractive' card at you. They're running scared, full of resentment that has built up over such a long time. More than likely, they don't want to lose you, but can't see a way right now to change the situation.

Hey, I've given up, but come back. Use the forum to your advantage. Some people like to give themselves lots of goals to fulfil. Well, that's not for me, but if it works for you, then why not?

Personally, I don't know if I could forgive my W if she broke up the family by taking the kids away. We'll see, when/if that happens, but, you have to develop a coping strategy to deal with everything and realise that 'moving on' doesn't have to mean 'leaving behind'.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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You sound strong mate. Like it. People said to me months ago "you ain't seen the worst yet". And they were right. I still like V's advice on my thread. Just let it go.....


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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Huddy Offline OP
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Hi NDY

How you doing? How's the house selling/hunting going? Any word from your STBXW?


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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Hi mate

House hunting is ok. I've had a bit of interest in this place but nothing solid yo.

As for the STBX, yes I've heard from her. She's in a panic about her pention thinking she will owe me money, which may well be true but she basically wants me to be the nice guy and not take it. There were a flurry of emails the other day and I was happy to discuss it with her until the lies started. Then I had to cut her off.

I'm not doing the 'validating' thing any more, I'm calling her out. I'm sick of her looking at me for the source of all her woes. Even now, after all this time she's still doing it.

Crazy.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
H
Huddy Offline OP
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Hi Bud

Selling/buying/renting really is a pain in the backside. People traipsing trough your house day after day - it's getting a bit old.

No way being the nice guy. You haven't done anything wrong. She wants all this, and more besides, so she has to take the consequences. She is the master of her own downfall. She has to take the consequences of her actions, good or bad.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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The irony is that I don't want her money. I want her to pay for this D and my legal fees and that's it. Not a penny more. But I do want the lies to stop.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
H
Huddy Offline OP
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Reasonable, in my view.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
H
Huddy Offline OP
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So, slight feeling of worry.

Our house has now sold. My W has phoned to tell me she has accepted an offer at the full market price wit the new people wanting in in December.

Phone call was pleasant, but I don't know what is going to happen next. My emotions are a bit flakey right now. I don't want her to go back to her parents 230 miles away with the children. I know she knows that. I don't want to look needy but I'm dying inside at the thought of my kids not being with me. It's going to be another five hours before I see her. Worried I'm not going to handle this well.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
N
NDY Offline
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That blows mate. Uncharted territory here. Needs someone with more experience than me to deal with this. Man hug from the west coast.


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
H
Huddy Offline OP
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OP Offline
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H
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
Cheers NDY. Bat signal to Wonka or sandi2.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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