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#2610641 09/28/15 02:26 PM
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3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610695 09/28/15 05:26 PM
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After some of our friends had talked to me over the last week, they told me that my W had not been acting the same around them. They all thought she was mad at them. In a way, I am glad to hear that it's not just me that she has changed around. I know that she isn't the same right now. Just like the pic on my phone, she appears almost bitter some days. Very unlike the optimistic and outgoing woman I knew.
I have done everything that she asked for while we went to counseling. I actually agreed with those points, and want them to stick. She never actually tried to fix anything in her between BD and S. She fixed nothing since then. Wouldn't even agree to go out with me. I asked her to go to see a counselor a while back, but she said that she was talking to her mom. For a couple months, she wouldn't even speak to her parents, until they agreed with her that she isn't happy. She convinced them that she hadn't been happy for years. Script, right? She is not the girl I fell for now, and it seems that others are seeing it as well.

Ranting a bit, I guess. I just wish something here made some sense. I want the girl I love to reappear, and come to me. Until then, I will try and be the best dad ever.

I see why it is said to believe nothing they say, because W contradicts herself quite often. I keep looking for the good, even thoughI am told not to. It's a lot of what keeps me hoping right now


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610766 09/28/15 09:49 PM
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Have a baseball game tonight. This team is the one that I usually do dugout dad for. I will try to appear confident, have good posture, appear ok with my life, smile, be happy and have some fun with the kids. Be someone attractive, that W would be a fool to leave.
My first week of LRT has went ok. Nothing major happened, good or bad. Some good things, that may be nothing... W hasn't mentioned D, hasn't mentioned me getting anything out of the house this week, asked me to do favors for her, offered to do things for me, asked for advice regarding the boys (which I think is the proper thing to do), cooked a meal and sent it home with me. May be nothing, may all be temp check. I will stay at it, and hope to continue to see small changes. It IS helping me to detach a tiny bit, so that is definitely a plus. Having zero expectations is hard for me. It's a marathon, not a sprint!
Anything that I am forgetting here?


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610806 09/29/15 12:44 AM
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So W didn't even acknowledge that I was at the game, until we were walking out and she asked the boys to tell me goodbye. This just keeps on hurting.


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610862 09/29/15 09:20 AM
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Thinking things through, don't believe anything... all last week, W was very nice, and tried to be helpful and asked for help and advice. Last night she sat with people I had never seen her talk to, and didn't say anything to me. So in 24 hours, I saw 2 completely different people in her.

Anyway, is this a "normal" or "typical" reaction to LRT? Full moon? Monday night football? Can't find matching socks? Etc.

Either way, I think I am definately seeing a reaction, which means she is noticing the change in our dynamic. As it is the only thing I can do, I feel a little lighter. Feel as if I have/am trying everything to save our M. I am far from detached, but I feel less obsessed every time she does something out of character.

I miss the woman she was


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610863 09/29/15 09:29 AM
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Keep strong


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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I can so relate to your last post two different people ....old wife was not secretive and did not loose it so much with the kids

It makes detaching easier I think


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
dday #2610871 09/29/15 11:40 AM
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Quote:
She never actually tried to fix anything in her between BD and S. She fixed nothing since then. Wouldn't even agree to go out with me. I asked her to go to see a counselor a while back, but she said that she was talking to her mom. For a couple months, she wouldn't even speak to her parents, until they agreed with her that she isn't happy. She convinced them that she hadn't been happy for years.


Here is what most LBH'S don't seem to grasp. When he hears her drop the bomb, it wakes him up and he's ready to work and repair the MR. However, the reason she dropped the bomb in the first place, is b/c she has reached the end. She feels she cannot endure anymore, and has no desire or intentions of working to repair things. She's done!

So, why do LBH'S seem perplexed when their W doesn't show any effort to join him in trying to make their M work? They are on two different paths. They have two different mindsets. To me, it seems it would be very self-defeating for a LBH to continue to be disappointed that his W is making no changes, showing any effort, or cooperating with him to fix the MR.

Actually, I do try to empathize. However, he needs to remember that he has been awaken and ready to go to work. She has resigned and called it a day. It will take a long time before she'll want to commit again.

Quote:
Anyway, is this a "normal" or "typical" reaction to LRT? Full moon? Monday night football? Can't find matching socks? Etc.

Either way, I think I am definately seeing a reaction, which means she is noticing the change in our dynamic. As it is the only thing I can do, I feel a little lighter. Feel as if I have/am trying everything to save our M. I am far from detached, but I feel less obsessed every time she does something out of character.


Yes, it's typical.

Changing the dynamics will get her attention, and you will get everything from temp checks to being ignored.

It is normal to miss the W she use to be. You loved her. There's a good chance that you will see her again one day. I sure hope you do.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Thanks Sandi, I sure hope you are right that I see the one I love again. I will stick with LRT, and work on me. Still hoping for the best!


35
3 boys
Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
dday #2610938 09/29/15 04:44 PM
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dday,

It seems like you are doing well. Keep up the good work.


Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs
EA: Started 3/2015
MC Started: 4/2015
She moved out and served 6/2015
PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015
2 young kids

"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
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