He IS his own boss. He met her on one of his projects. We don't live in the country we grew up in, so no family nearby. That's another thing that baffles me. He knows I would prefer to stay in this country, but most likely won't be able to in the long run. He has lots of business in the other country, so he would get to visit our kid fairly regurlarly - monthly would be my guess - but that didn't deter him. He's so used to traveling and not being there on a regular basis that he can deal with that. I know he's head over heels for this woman. Who knows, maybe they really are soulmates.
I hope everyone else is having a better day than me.
If the average affair lasts 18 months and he's really in love with her, I guess it could be a while, eh. It [censored] knowing he's on cloud 9 while I'm down in the dumps.
Just went for a long run. Felt good. I was on such a good roll and did not want to stop but my toddler was about to fall asleep in the stroller.
All my adult life I have been with this man. I can't fathom ever wanting to be with another person. I feel like every single man I meet for the rest of my life, will me measured against my ex. And knowing he's happily in love with a woman, who understands him and is in the same situation as him, doesn't exactly help. I can believe how he went from wanting a big family with me to saying "hey, at least we had one kid"
I feel so stupid. All week I've been trying to save as much money as possible, writing down where every cent goes, and then he goes and spends + $400 dollars for one night at a fancy hotel to meet up with OW.
I'm really sorry you are struggling today. A few things:
1) you should stop focusing so much on your H's relationship with OW. You seem to think they're madly in love and soul mates and lord knows what else. But stop with all of that. The same brain sensors light up when you're in an affair as do when you're on drugs. It's the same rush of excitement as being high, so, yeah, I suppose it's possible that they will make it, but the odds are stacked against them. There are so many reasons affairs fail. But the more of your energy you put into it, the stronger it gets. If he were addicted to heroin, and you hid his needles, it isn't like he is going to rush to you and thank you - he's going to treat you like the enemy, he is going to hide further use from you, and so on. So........the only thing you can do is let him go, and let it fail. (Also, I THINK the average affair is somewhere around 6-9 months. But I could be wrong)
2) track that money. You're doing good. If it comes to it, you'll have that log book of expenses and you can work with your L to sort it out.
3) there's lots of GAL stuff you can do with your kid. Are there "mommy and me" meetup groups at the library, at other children's centers, at the YMCA, etc? Look into them, I bet there are many single mothers at those too!
There are tons of success stories. Look for Mozza's threads, there are a bunch of links in there.
You need to try and stop guessing what he is doing/thinking/feeling. You know where he stands. He wants a D. But he is in the drivers seat right now. If the tables were turned, the cards where shuffled, things can and will be different.
To make that change, you need to start acting as if... Meaning develop the near term picture of how you want your life to be. And start working to that. Kick him out. Get a job. Make big changes. These things will force him to live with his consequences. Your bond will always be the child. If he is a good man he will always gravitate back. In the mean time, don't play second fiddle. Don't play the woe is me card.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Hey hun. I just read your story. I'm in the same boat... my h has been in an affair for a yr and now next weekend he's taking her out of town for the weekend. I'm so sad and want to tear him up into pieces. My h ow is a heroin addict and a x criminal. And looks like trash and used. Where did my h go??? I am here for you. It's a real struggle... but take everyone's advice... they will help you tremendously. ..
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
I know he has so much in common with his OW. And they have been helping each other though the process of leaving their respective spouses. They also work in the same business. I don't doubt that she's a good woman, unfortunately.
I did kick him out a month ago. I couldn't stand having him here when he was texting her right under my nose. That felt like a pretty insensitive thing to do. The problem is, he is actually a good man. This break up has been under way for a long time as far as he's concerned. I guess meeting her this spring was just the final nail in the coffin. If we had had a great relationship, then maybe there would still be a chance for us. But I have to face the reality that we just met and got married too young. We both agree that had we met 5 years ago, instead of 15, maybe things would have been different. We had talked about going away on vacation when he came back from his months-long trip this summer. We REALLY needed that. I thought things were about to turn around. I had been starting to work on myself a bit. It looked like our finances were starting to get better and we could thing about getting a sitter for our kid, so we could get some alone time. But instead he met OW.
Sometimes I still get a little confused about how to DB. If I'm happy and aloof, isn't that just going to make him relieved? Then he can go off and enjoy OW without feeling guilty?
Overcom, I'm so sorry you are going through the same thing. It doesn't exactly sound like a lasting r if she's a drug addict. Wonder what is going through your husbands mind. I can't imagine him NOT waking up from this though.
