A few months ago, my husband dropped the bombshell on me - he wants a divorce. Apparently he's been wanting this for years, but has been worried of what would become of me. Now he can't continue any longer. I prob shouldn't have been surprised. Our marriage has never been good, our relationship was great up until we got married. See, we met overseas and about a year later he moved here to pursue his dreams. We did the long distance for a while and a few years later I followed. Ever since then, our relationship has been plagued with money problems. I had some bad experiences on the job market and since I was very young and didn't know what I wanted to do, I kinda hid behind him and put everything on his shoulders. He has a job where he travels a lot, for months at a time. He recently came back after one of these trips and told me. He also met someone one going through a similar thing with her spouse and they are now having an EA. She doesn't really have anything to do with it, but I'm sure being in love with someone else is making it easier for him to leave me and our young child. He has SO much anger and resentment towards me, but he says that as we move on as friends and coparents, it will go away. I know I put myself in this situation. But is there any hope? I asked him to leave, so he no longer lives here. He's about to embark on another long trip for work.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Gmum, I think every M has the potential to be saved, but you know as well as I do that they won't all end up that way. Your being here is your best shot at it. So post frequently, give us details about what went wrong, and read everything Cadet just posted. Sorry you are here, but welcome.
As said above the best chance is here posting and following the rules
Read the rules
It is not about saving the marriage your old marriage is gone we are all faced with this prospect .....it is about becoming the best person you can be ......be the person only a fool would want to leave
You want to be the best option for your H
Take care
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Thank you to both of you. I just finished reading The Divorce Remedy last night, but I feel like my case isn't quite applicable. His frequent traveling has made him used to not seeing me and his kid very often. I know he misses the kid, but not so with me. I wonder if asking him to leave was a mistake. It was just too painful at the time having him here, while he was communicating with the OW.
When he asked for the divorce, he was surprised I wasn't in agreement. He thought we could jump straight into being best friends and coparents.
I'm trying really hard to be responsible with money now. I'm saying and doing all the right things. It's just too late for him.
Gmum - To answer your title question, I think the answer is, unfortunately, no. I think that all marriages COULD be saved, if both parties were interested. But in some cases, the other person is too far gone to have any interest. Sometimes, nothing you can say or do or not say or not do will have any impact on the other person's decision. We cant control the other person's thoughts or actions, and if they dont turn around, theres nothing that can be done.
You could come here, DB "perfectly" and fail at saving your marriage -or- you could come here, half-ass it and succeed at saving your marriage. There's no way to really know.
BUT - DBing will improve your odds. AND it will make you a better person on the other side regardless. So, theres really no downside.
Unfortunately I agree that not every marriage can be saved. Although I do think you did the right thing by asking him to leave if his presence was making you uncomfortable. I ask the same of my H, and I now believe that he hadn't moved out, I would be where I am now.
Look after yourself and your child. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT human being at the moment. I know easier said than done.
Keep faith that something better will come your way :-)
So him being gone for months again soon isn't necessarily a bad thing? He will be back sometimes to visit our child. Should I invite him to stay with us then?
And I'm still a bit confused about how to proceed, despite reading everything. Should I be friendly and aloof or friendly and suggest we do things together as a family?
