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Shakspr Offline OP
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So, surprise, guys, I'm still here!

First the great stuff. Vacation with S12 and D9 was amazing. Went to Florida, went fishing in the open water, to the beach, and tried a bunch of new foods. My friend in Palmetto put us up and he couldn't have been a better host. We saw manatees in the wild!

Guys vacation (my brother and a friend from work) was the best ever. We climbed 4 14ers - Elbert, Democrat, Cameron, and Lincoln. Jeeped up two trails that you wouldn't believe a 4WD can climb. Saw deer, woodchucks and mountain goats in the wild. Played poker in a 130 year old saloon in Leadville. Caught trout. Just the best week I could hope for. It took me two days to truly relax and enjoy it, but once I did, it was incredible.

So, where am I in the divorce process - now almost a year removed? Well, I must say, I haven't reviewed DB'g in a while - have lurked about checking on some of you. Personally, I am pretty close to over it. Seeing my XW still evokes an emotional response, but I don't dwell on it. She can get very demanding at times and I just break contact until a few days pass or she settles down. She moved the kids again, and her new address is a pain in the behind; it's within our agreement but very much on the outskirts. It is much more difficult for me to get my time with my children - and the extra time I enjoyed is pretty much gone. Furthermore, the pickup/dropoff arrangements in the papers were not what I agreed to verbally, and I am on the hook for damn near all of it. Oh, well. At least it looks like she will be in this location a while. And my S12 has started middle school there and likes it. D9 is still homeschooling. XW seems to be working less now that she has remarried. Heh. No shock there.

That's the "fact" stuff. Here's some other nuggets for you to chew on:

1) Give your X a special ring tone and text notification. As soon as I did that, I stopped cringing and elevating my anxiety level every time the phone made a sound. Most of the people who contact me like me!
2) Umm...this one is funny/sad. So, I thought I had bedbugs or fleas or something. Nope. Stress induced hives. I haven't consulted a professional yet, but the literature out there is pretty straightforward. Reduce your stress. ANY WAY YOU CAN. So, if your skin or whatever is acting up, you are not alone.
3) Go ahead and go on a date. I did. I'm good for another 6 months. Not ready. At least she was sweet.
4) Developing a new network of single friends can be a blast - but you better expect the weird. I have a high tolerance for different points of view. But throw a group of divorced 35+ people together and it's the most twisted version of junior high you ever saw.
5) Put things on the calendar. My summer was amazing because I did this. But now I'm without a future project. And I have problems as a result...so...
5b) I'm going to do a Spartan Race (Sprint) in March. I need this. My head and heart still hurt. I feel the failure of my marriage still, and I need to be reminded by objective accomplishments that this loss will not define me or my future.

That's enough. Time to go check in on my buddies!

Shakspr


Me: 43 XW: 43
T15 M14
D21, SS15, S11, D8
BD: 8/6
EA / possible PA discovered 9/29
D final 10/20
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Well, well - look what the cat dragged in wink

You sound pretty good, Shakes, (aside from the hives - ouch). And your vacationing this summer sounds pretty epic - almost like an episode of some show on the Discovery channel.

A very practical suggestion about the ring tone- although I had given STBX the "duck quacking tone" even before BD. I find myself tensing up when I check my e-mail every morning - even though , in fairness, he rarely communicates about anything.

Also impressed by the date - when I read about my fellow DBers who take this step - I always feel proud and a little amazed. How I wish I could turn that part of my brain on - but it remains emphatically inactive. Good for you.

I hear you about the future projects - in my case I need some sort of travel activity planned with the girls (camping/disneyland/whatever) at least every couple of months to keep me energized and positive.

Also impressed by the Spartan Race- I've been trying to enter some sort of obstacle course since this whole epic started - but there is always either some problem with the schedule or some stupid injury. Right now - I have managed to develop plantar fasciitis from the petty amount of running I do with my soccer team. Curses! I'll try again in the spring - hoping to conquer my lifelong fear of activities that involve major upper body strength.

I take it from your post that your X went ahead with the marriage. That bites. I hope your kids are doing well and that SS has improved.

It's good hearing from you, particularly since it sounds like you are in a pretty positive space. Most of the posters who were around at the peak of our sitches have moved on - but there's still a few like me who check in fairly routinely. Maybell and Claire are over in the "Surviving Divorce" forum and rppfl is now known as Sunny B.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Shakspr, happy to read your update. It's both encouraging and disheartening that so many of us have moved on.

I would like to do a Spartan Race, but I'll be honest I'm very intimidated. I am signed up for a Battlefrog later this fall, but whether I'll have the guts to go through with it is a different story.


Originally Posted By: Shakspr
1) Give your X a special ring tone and text notification. As soon as I did that, I stopped cringing and elevating my anxiety level every time the phone made a sound.
I did the opposite. When he was "H", he had a special ring tone and text tone so I would know it was him and respond as soon as possible. After he moved out, I changed it back to the default tone, he gets treated like one of the crowd.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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