Where do I go from here, pt. 3

[Avanti]

Saturday sounds like it will be very cathartic. I'd try to make sure your SIL and BIL do all the talking about your H, don't join in on any bitch fest. While they may be supportive of you, they may also say things to him that don't necessarily help your case even though they are said with the best of intentions.

Do the best you can to ensure they see you as being upbeat and positive, actions speak louder than words, so them saying how well you are coping will be far more powerful a message to your H.

When are you having another evening soirée? It didn't sound like a one off event and besides you said you'd work out how to deliver some of the food from the next one to me across the Internet.

[beckyb]

Our next Supper Club is in Oct. Trying to plan a local winery trip sometime soon.

I will try not to talk about H to his brother. Although H haspretty much cut off contact with them so it won't much matter. We all agree we want to stay in touch and stay friends. We'll have to figure out what that looks like going forward. I'm blessed to have some amazing friends and family in my life

[Avanti]

Food and now wine, you really need to work out that over the internet delivery mechanism. :-)

Even though they are pretty much cut off from your H, it's still a time to keep your cards close to your chest, a chance comment in anger that they might make based on one of your comments could unravel some of the progress you are making.

[beckyb]

a chance comment in anger that they might make based on one of your comments could unravel some of the progress you are making.

I don't believe I am making in DB progress. A month ago I thought maybe I was seeing some small signs. I now believe he will never want to reconcile and I'm 99.95 sure I'm ok with that. Still, I need to be sensitive to my BIL's feelings and keep my thoughts to myself.

[Avanti]

...I don't believe I am making in DB progress. A month ago I thought maybe I was seeing some small signs. I now believe he will never want to reconcile and I'm 99.95 sure I'm ok with that.

So you have made some significant DB progress. Remember the process is not about getting the R or M back on track necessarily, it's about enabling those who embrace it to get themselves into better shape so that they are ready for their next relationship whether that be with their S or someone else. Look back at your early posts and then read what you said above, it's a different, more together, confident beckyb typing now.

Still, I need to be sensitive to my BIL's feelings and keep my thoughts to myself.

It's for the best, you never know exactly how the future will form.

[beckyb]

Had a nice/interesting day with STBX's brother and sister in law. They help me with some things around the house and we had dinner together. It's nice to know they both want to stay in my life.

I heard through the family grapevine that OW has definitely moved here, had a stroke and was in the hospital. It just underscores what a mess H has gotten himself in and how over our marriage is. I'm surprisingly detached about it.

[Avanti]

What a star you are beckyb, you are almost observing from a third person perspective that's the detachment you'll have seen many talk about.

Your H's "project" does seem to be very high maintenance doesn't she (this comment is not wishing her ill)? As a mr nice guy he'll be loving all the opportunities to fix things, he can be a hero. As there is so much for him to do, he'll soon burn out if she doesn't continually give him praise and tell him how wonderful he is, which depending on how she feels, may or may not be happening - mr nice guys give love and attention with the unspoken, but expected condition that they are rewarded with similar.

Glad your time with your BIL and his wife went well.

[beckyb]

Ok, so here's the truth. I realize my current M is over and most of me wants to just push the D through and get it over with. Part of me still loves H and part of me feels like it is wrong for me to give up on the M and push the D forward. Morally I believe he should have to do that. (also I'm a little stubborn)

H has never been one to be proactive and get things done. I always took care of things. I don't know why I am waiting, expecting him to move things along.

I would be ok just waiting him out until trial but I can't try to sell my house without some kind of legal agreement. I don't want the sole responsibility of a big house and I would like to move on into a place of my own but I'm stuck.

I am conflicted. I am praying for wisdom and plan to wait until I meet with my IC on Thursday to decide what to do next. Unless of course H responds to my proposal sooner.

[gonegrl]

Becky, it is hard being in "limbo". I hope you get the clarity and wisdom that you need to make this decision. You sound like you are in a good place emotionally right now. I think that there is no reason to rush a decision either way. Time is on your side.

[beckyb]

Thanks. I am a very impatient person. God's is definitely using this to teach me. Every time I want to push hard something says wait. I'm not sure if it is my unrealistic hope for the M or God slowing g me down.