My WW loves her OOM (part 2)

[Sorgan]

I'm non looking into it too much. She is talking to him again now. Not sure if she is telling him off or he is saying sorry, but I digress.

The man I have become will not change just because she stops talking to him or wants to be with him. I like the person I have become too much to change it for anything. My kids like me so much more now, house is cleaner, and in general I like my life too much now to want to stop. It did make me a little hopeful until she started talking to him again.

But the new and improved Sorgan is here to stay. Lol

[Sorgan]

Well things are back to usual it seems. It was nice while it lasted, but I expect to see her messaging him all day today. They apparently kissed and made up on their game last night.

[Sorgan]

Things have settled in around here. I'm in the middle of my school admission exams and should be finishing them tomorrow evening. I am keeping to my changes and have noticed a change in my W's attitude towards me. She no longer insists that we aren't together and is trying to act like we are a couple again. However, she is still talking to OM and I'm not going to try to work on our R or even acknowledge it as long as she is.

Hopefully I won't have a sick child this upcoming weekend and I'll actually be able to go out. One of my D3s had an infection from a tick bite she scratched too much. So I'm looking forward to doing something if finances permit it.

[dwh15]

Well things are back to usual it seems. It was nice while it lasted, but I expect to see her messaging him all day today. They apparently kissed and made up on their game last night.

Don't feel bad. My WW did the same thing to me a couple of months ago. Actually left the house and stayed with a friend overnight. She called me in tears explaining everything, and like a chump, I not only listened to her sob story about OM, but even gave her gas money to leave town. I was excited at the prospect of her leaving OM and thought maybe this was finally my chance. It lasted all of one day before they made up, then everything back to normal for her. In fact, she seemed to get even closer to OM after they made up, and more distant from me. It wasn't long after that when she filed for D.

I know it's easy to do but you can't let yourself get involved in the emotional ups and downs of your WW. She may leave OM, or she may not, at least not for a while. Even if she does, she likely will go through withdrawal for a few months before she's remotely ready to start talking about a R with you again. Patience is your friend. Keep on working on yourself, spending time with your kids, GAL, all the usual stuff. Seems like you're doing well, so keep it up.

[CaliGuy]

Just caught up on your sitch a bit

Couple things stand out to me... Keep reading the books, thing that is jumping out at me is the lack of respect your W has for you, this is something you must work on, doing the GALs with going back to school is a start for you to regain your self esteem and your self respect. You really need to start drawing a line and making some boundaries, you are not the BFF here, she can chat about her boyfriend to her girlfriends... channel Clint Eastwood, would he sit and listen to his W chat it up about her OM?
Second thing... Stop allowing your W to take up all that rent in your head, you worry about her being upset .... Take a step back... Who should be upset in your sitch? I get and totally get the smoothly paved home concept, but often times so do the WWs , so what is there for her to lose? You can fix you and become better from all this.... But until you earn some respect it all will be for not . Do your thing, she will do hers .... At the moment she has the best of everything so nothin will change till there is a shift

[Sorgan]

Thank you so much DWH, Cali, and Sandi for your responses. Every bit of support and advice I get from this board always is appreciated and helps.

I am working on gathering some money to get some of the other books EMMess suggested. I know I need to demand more respect from my WW, but she is always so quick to get angry and mad. I know I shouldn't care if she does at this point, but I want to keep things smooth. It's hard finding that balance between keeping things smooth should she decide to return and demanding the respect I know I deserve.

[CaliGuy]

Sorgan

That's why the GALs are so important, and not just the "I snuck out and watched a movie" type stuff .... I'm talking the golden GAL that engages you, something new and exciting, out of your comfort zone. These activities help you rebuild the self esteem that is generally shattered after BD.

You can not really 'demand' she respects you... But you can start EARNING respect by placing boundaries and enforcing them, not out of punishment but out of your newly developed self worth.

Be warned... She will test these, and she will spew, because that's what YOU react to... Start your 180 now by refusing to react/engage/tolerate her spew sessions ... Calmly reply with a " I will not be talked to this way any longer, when WE can have a civil calm discussion about this topic I would be more than willing to discuss things further" end it right there and walk away. You start ending the discussions (37) ... You start owning your life, and people who disrespect you and your family have no place in it .... This includes your W

[Sorgan]

I am going to try to get out of the house this weekend. I can't sit around the house lonely any more. I miss my W, but she isn't here anymore. Well, not in a figurative sense. She is still physically here. Lol

I need to find healthy non-sexual adult interactions. It kills me to sit around after my kids go to bed. It isn't healthy to be lonely for someone that doesn't want to be around me. Heck I wish I had the finances to go bowling or to movies or something during the week, but I struggle to pay my bills enough as it is.

On a lighter, happier note, I finished my admission exams tonight abd should find out the results tomorrow around lunch time. So, all I lack is my transcripts and FAFSA and I will be ready to start my classes. Hopefully, with any luck, I'll be starting school on November 1st.

As always, thank you everyone for your care, advice, and support. I don't know where I would be without it.

[Sorgan]

Journaling...

Well it has been a rough couple of days since I last posted. Apparently I failed the "Is our school a good fit for you?" Quiz and got rejected, so that was a huge blow to my self esteem. My W continues to talk to OM. We have had some enjoyable moments, but it seems that any error I make is magnified tenfold to her.

I wasn't able to get out this weekend like usual. The W took our D4 to disney on ice with her mother and I stayed home with the other 3. It is getting harder for me to be here all the time. Finances prevent most GAL activities for me and I haven't had much success finding free ones that interest me or that I can work into my schedule.

My W talkes of a future with me and the kids now. I try to ignore it, but it's hard to because I want those things so much. She still talks to OM and tells him she is still avoiding me when she seeks me out on occasion now. She seems to want him sexually and me as a caregiver. I don't know what is going on in her head though. She lies to both of us, I am just smart enough to see her lies I guess, or OM doesn't care.

I need to detach more again, as all her talk and touches drag me right back in. I feel so lost and lonely most of the time now.

[mutatio]

It was through enough of this pain that I evolved to it hurting less. It takes time to work through the mourning of your marriage and the wife you married. There is nothing I can say to make the pain go away but please believe if you put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward it will eventually hurt less. Be strong