This makes me very happy to hear my friend. In such a short time you have come a long way. I praise you for beginning to love yourself, in respecting yourself and asking others to do the same, in caring for yourself. You are doing great, keep it up.
Don't worry about your W, continue to focus on you, this is for you. You will come out of this being a much better man, father, partner to her or someone else. The scary part about all of this is, that you might find that you won't want to be with W after all of this, but don't worry about that bridge until you get there, then the decision is all yours.
It is great to read, so continue to do so, look online for positive quotes, motivational videos on youtube. Get out of the house, do something for yourself, go to meetup.com, see what meetup which are free you can take part in, meet new people, look at groupon and see if there are some classes or events that you would like to do, get out of your comfort zone. This will all help you in regaining your confidence and self-esteem. Don't forget to do nice things for yourself, buy new clothes that fit you, workout (even if its calisthenics), manicures, colognes, etc. This will only ensure you grow from this experience.
You are in a great path my friend, keep it UP!
Other book recommendations: Honor Yourself, and Hang on to your N.U.T.S
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I am going to try to find activities to do. I'm sure it will anger my W, but who cares. She isn't my W anymore. She is OM's GF. So why should it matter to me?
I will also look into the other two books you suggested.
That's right my friend. She decided to walk away from you, she is further deciding to speak to OM as if you weren't even around. You go focus on you, make Sorgan happy, find yourself, and spend time with your kids, they didn't ask for any of this, so make sure you do great things with them as well.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
Thanks EMMess for your continued replies and encouragement. It means a lot.
I know my kids didn't do anything to deserve this. They are actually the primary reason I haven't left the MH yet. They don't deserve what my W is capable of currently. I have strongly been considering filing for a S the last two days though, but my kids are the reason I haven't.
I have been trying to figure out some free activities to do with my kids in the afternoons and weekends. I am gonna look into that meetup.com site tonight after the kids go to bed.
I do have plans to go out to dinner with them and my mom tomorrow and then my dad and stepmom and kids monday. So at least I have things to do for them for the next two days. Lol
I am glad to hear that you are doing much better and continuing to focus on you and the boys.
My advice is to not leave the MH, she wants out, she should leave. Again, I will stress tho, that if you are finding it difficult to live with the in house S, I would do what's best for me and the kids.
Don't be afraid of getting the S because of the kids, it sounds to me that you should look into getting custody of them if you feel that they will be in some danger if you leave them with W. Take them with you to where ever you decide to move to and of course allow her to visit and spend time with them. Again, consult with an L to understand your rights better.
Do look into MeetUp, you can find some great things to do. Look to see if there are any sites for your area that list free things to do for kids on the weekends.
Keep up the good work, and remember, you are loving yourself but also working on loving your W from a distance, and accepting her for who she is at the moment. Allow her to make her mistakes without you rescuing her, she needs to learn from her decisions and choices.
God Bless you
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
That was pretty sorry of her not responding to your birthday invitation, but certainly not uncommon for a WW. I hope you will graduate, soon, from giving her invitations to family functions.
Quote:
I am going to try to find activities to do. I'm sure it will anger my W, but who cares. She isn't my W anymore. She is OM's GF. So why should it matter to me?
So true! I think when a person lives a life where they measure every action by whether or not it will make their spouse angry.....it's a very unhealthy R. I'm not saying a couple should not be considerate to each other's feelings (in an otherwise normal MR), but not to the point you can't be your own person and do some things simply b/c you chose to do it. Otherwise, the spouse will control every aspect of your life. I remember the days when I would hear women say, "I'll have to ask my H". Now, I am hearing a lot of men act as if they have to ask their W.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I meant accepting where she is at this particular point in time, what she feels is her current reality, and who she has become, if different from who you remember her being.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
She went on sunday, apparently begrudgingly. My Family was nice to her. Yesterday she apparently wanted to go to my dads thing for me, and i made the mistake of saying that they didn't want her to go. She got really hurt and angry. We argued for an hour. She said if i went with the kids she was gonna file a D. I calmed her down and took the kids. She was ok when i got home. I told her my family doesn't matter, if she wants to work on our R, i'll defend her against anyone.
Yesterday she apparently wanted to go to my dads thing for me, and i made the mistake of saying that they didn't want her to go. She got really hurt and angry. We argued for an hour. She said if i went with the kids she was gonna file a D. I calmed her down and took the kids. She was ok when i got home. I told her my family doesn't matter, if she wants to work on our R, i'll defend her against anyone.
I'm glad you brought this up, b/c this very thing is an example of not keeping the road home paved smoothly. You guys think it means jumping through hoops and giving the whole dog & pony show. It's not.
Once a man tells his wife his family doesn't want her there..........she NEVER forgets it. It is there in her heart/mind forever. You may tell her you don't want her going......but do not say anything about your parents having negative feelings toward her. (Unless it is an extreme situation, where she could cause a scene and ruin a formal occasion, or something of that nature.). It is always a touchy area with the in-laws. Next time, firmly tell her you do not want her there, and don't bring your parents into it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
