You may be right V, but the bargaining won't be coming from me. Maybe that is a phase WW will be passing through soon. I honestly don't want her back anymore. She would have to do one heck of a job selling ME on getting back together at this point.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Saw WW again today. Kids had a short day at school and were home about 2 hours early. WW offered to get them at the house, but I really didn't trust her being here alone so I took a late lunch and met her here. I get sick of things just walking out of the house with no notice so I won't be letting her rummage through things anymore unattended. We talked for about 10 minutes, all very polite, but a step removed from friendly. She mentioned car trouble and started asking questions, but I politely dodged and wished her luck figuring it out. I think I'm now coming across as confident, and not necessarily happy, but definitely more detached, and as we like to say here, treating her like "a nosy neighbor". It's funny that after I've realized I don't want to R with WW, I find it easy to detach. And I guess I won't even say that I will "never" be with her again, but it's certainly not something in my near future.
So the visit was fine, she left with kids, and I headed back to work. Got to catch up with one of my brothers on the phone who I had not spoken with in a couple of weeks. Then left work early and golfed 9 holes with 3 other guys from the new job - very fun and relaxing. I think the face to face with WW did have a little impact, as I felt a little down during golf, but not terrible, and I was able to bounce back pretty quick.
Got home tonight, and surprised to find all 4 kids at home. It is supposed to be one of the nights WW keeps them all night and provides dinner, which she had just confirmed earlier. But apparently she called S18, had sounded upset, and told him it wasn't a good night to come over. Then she texted me and asked if I wouldn't mind and could provide dinner for them. I simply replied that it was fine, then started making something. Within 30 minutes, she's calling again and now wanting them to come over after all. Ugh. So now 2 pounds of ground burger thawed and nobody to cook for. I was irritated, but I simply agreed and sent them over. No idea why all the drama and last-minute switching but I simply agree with her and log it. After the custody hearing next week, I'll be making her stick to the court orders. For now, I figure the crazy and unstable behavior just makes me look even better as a parent.
Finally, at end of night, called mom and talked for about an hour, catching her up on everything. Kids all came back home and now in bed for the night. Overall, not too bad of a day. Looking forward to the weekend to relax and get a few more things caught up. This single parent stuff is exhausting.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Had a rough day, not sure why. Just one of those big dips on the emotional coaster. Had a hard time concentrating on work, and spent half the day reading through online forums like DB. Sometimes I still can't believe this is where my life is at. Thoughts of R with WW still pop into my head occasionally, but when I spend any time thinking about it, I just don't see how it could ever work, and I know she's nowhere near that mindset.
In fact, I found out that she spent over 20 minutes today talking with her attorney and I just got aggravated. She's trying to take my kids away from me, and her primary motivation is money - it really does take someone totally self-centered to think that way. I know she loves her kids, but I also know her primary motivation for filing was money because she told me so. She's under the impression she has a big payday coming, and feels entitled to it, in spite of the fact that I have been 95% primary caregiver for the past 7 months, and really something like 60-70% going back for years prior, all while she was out partying like a college girl or spending the night with some OM. It just galls me to no end thinking about it.
So I've reset my frame of mind and am back to being determined to protecting myself and my boys. I asked each of the kids tonight if they liked living with me, and if they wished they could spend more time with mom. I did this w/o trying to persuade them in any way, I just wanted an honest answer. Every single one of them much prefers to be home with me, and was a little nervous about the fact that they may have to start spending more overnights with mom soon. I hate everything about this custody dispute. Will be so relieved to get that meeting over with next week, and try to get this all settled and legal so it can quit being a point of contention between us.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
So my WW sends a bunch of TMs this morning thanking me for stealing all her friends and family. I guess one of her former "close" friends gave her a jacket that S8 had left at the house when I was over last week. She's an older lady who had previously been close with WW, but lost all respect for her when she figured out what was going on. It had nothing to do with me bad-mouthing WW. But of course now it's all my fault.
And I'm stealing her sisters, her nephews, her dad, etc. WW sent 4 different TMs, and snuck one in asking if kids made it. I sent a single reply that kids all made it to school fine. The rest I'm ignoring. No need to get sucked into that argument. I can't reason with her anyway.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Just had a 3-hour convo with WW. It was quite an interesting night. We spent about half the time just catching up and talking like old times. Was a lot of fun. But then we got down to the business of discussing child custody, which was the point of the meeting. As I figured, we're not even close to an agreement. She pretty much expects 50% on the 3 minors, when reality the past few months hasn't been anywhere near that. Oh, she tried laying on the tears, being a mean b!tch, every wayward trick in the book. I didn't go for any of it, and I don't think she knew how to handle herself. When she left, she was practically in tears, and I just wished her a good night and said I would see her at the hearing next week.
We also got into some talk about what went wrong in the M, and I heard more of her complaints than she had ever voiced before. And I owned up to every one of them, apologized, said I wished I could change things, but that was the past, and all I can do is be better going forward. She's also noticed a lot of my changes, but instead of being happy, is almost resentful about them, wondering why now. Why did she have to leave before I made these kinds of changes. So I think she's having a lot of regret, but she still clings to OM, and still has a very wayward mindset. And in spite of me dropping hints about the true OM#1, she still won't admit it. She sticks to her bogus story of the last guy as OM#1, when I know for a fact he was at least #2, and possibly #3. She may never admit it, but guess it doesn't matter anymore.
I do feel bad for WW and think she's got a hard life ahead, but she made the bad choices. She still doesn't see it that way. In fact, she doesn't even consider that she's cheating now, because she "emotionally divorced" me years ago. Nice of her to tell me that now. One positive is that she did admit to having low self-esteem, which I know has always been a problem for her. But no idea if she will ever seek the kind of therapy she needs to really deal with her issues. All I can do now is keep working on me, get all this business of custody settled and move on.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Having a hard time today. Haven't spent 3 hours with WW in months. It's taking a toll. Bouncing around between depressed and angry. Heading out to visit an old friend for a few hours so hopefully that cheers me up. Think I'll be going back to NC for a while. Still too soon to spend that amount of time with WW, unless I want to suffer the consequences for a couple of days.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
Just had a 3-hour convo with WW. It was quite an interesting night. We spent about half the time just catching up and talking like old times. Was a lot of fun. But then we got down to the business of discussing child custody, which was the point of the meeting. As I figured, we're not even close to an agreement. She pretty much expects 50% on the 3 minors, when reality the past few months hasn't been anywhere near that. Oh, she tried laying on the tears, being a mean b!tch, every wayward trick in the book. I didn't go for any of it, and I don't think she knew how to handle herself. When she left, she was practically in tears, and I just wished her a good night and said I would see her at the hearing next week.
We also got into some talk about what went wrong in the M, and I heard more of her complaints than she had ever voiced before. And I owned up to every one of them, apologized, said I wished I could change things, but that was the past, and all I can do is be better going forward. She's also noticed a lot of my changes, but instead of being happy, is almost resentful about them, wondering why now. Why did she have to leave before I made these kinds of changes. So I think she's having a lot of regret, but she still clings to OM, and still has a very wayward mindset. And in spite of me dropping hints about the true OM#1, she still won't admit it. She sticks to her bogus story of the last guy as OM#1, when I know for a fact he was at least #2, and possibly #3. She may never admit it, but guess it doesn't matter anymore.
I do feel bad for WW and think she's got a hard life ahead, but she made the bad choices. She still doesn't see it that way. In fact, she doesn't even consider that she's cheating now, because she "emotionally divorced" me years ago. Nice of her to tell me that now. One positive is that she did admit to having low self-esteem, which I know has always been a problem for her. But no idea if she will ever seek the kind of therapy she needs to really deal with her issues. All I can do now is keep working on me, get all this business of custody settled and move on.
Amazing how similar this sounds to my WW. As hard as we try, we'll never fully understand this mindset. She is headed for a lifetime of regret, and you won't be there to catch her when she falls.
Me:29 W:27 M: 4 years T: 5 years No children S: 7/7/15 EA: 7/7/15 BD/"I'm done": 7/15/15 MC: 7/7/15-8/21/15 (failed) PA: 8/29/15 W Files for D: 9/9/15 D will finalize in 60 days
Still having a hard time today. Guess I wasn't nearly as detached as I thought. I'm glad that I got the chance to say some things to WW when we met, but 3 hours was too much face to face time. I handled myself well, was happy and confident overall, and didn't give in to any of her wayward tricks like crying, but I've been reeling ever since. And we get to spend 2 hours in a custody hearing this Tuesday, basically trying to make each other look like unfit parents. I'm confident that things will go my way, but I hate that I have to do this.
I really hope that after custody is settled and support numbers are finalized, that at least there is no more drama. We don't have a lot of assets to split and WW has already taken most of her own things so this should be the only thing left to dispute. I'll be staying away from any more face to face meetings with WW for a while after Tuesday. It just sets me back too far. I do hope that some day we can actually be at least casual friends and spent the occasional evening together catching up, but it's still too soon. In the mean time, trying to keep moving on.
Me 47 W 42 T 24 yrs M 18 yrs W living with OM BD1: 3/7/2015 (A with OM#1) BD2: 4/11/2015 (A with OM#2, W moves out) WW filed for D, papers received 9/18/2015. Meeting to determine child custody 9/29/2015.
DWH I think you did great and it is understandable that the 3 hour meeting would set you back. You seem to be doing much then I would be doing under the same scenario. At least you were still able to get out and visit a friend after. Hopefully, after Tuesday, things will start looking brighter for you. Hang in there my friend.
