You're right azzork-I've been reading sitches on this forum since April or may and I know enough to know I shouldn't have texted him and shouldn't be so worried about them but the past few days it's been getting to me bad..I'm missing him like crazy for some reason..i guess the reason I want to give up is BC he told me no matter what I do or how I am he can't be happy with me..that's some pretty harsh words and everyone I've talked to would have never picked her over me and he knows what he's doing is wrong in moral and religious terms and he doesn't care..it [censored] to watch someone you love throw their life and soul away but there's nothing anyone can do..it's time to start working on me..I'll be writing down my goal list in a little while
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Hey barbie, thanks for your post on my thread. I wish you'd post more often. Keep your thread up to date and stay in touch. You've already changed since you first joined, keep going, it has to get easier.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I have decided I do not want to reconcile if he would have a change of heart or an awakening-he has said too many very hateful things to me and laughed to my face and to his parents about cheating on me-I will never forget that and him telling me I can't make him happy no matter how I am or what I do..this man did nothing but work..nothing around the house,barely fooled with the kids,put me down all the time,nothing I did was right,the list goes on..in 11 years I got roses 1 time and begged him to slow dance with me around the house when he played music..he wouldn't do it..but he treats her like a queen and she kicks him,hits him,bosses him around,etc..he wants a woman that works BC he thinks that BC I am a SAHM I used him for money and he thinks BC she works she isn't using him but I know better..he put me down BC my eyes are hazel and he likes green eyes and hers are green..he put me down about my weight for years after I gave him 3 beautiful daughters and she's bigger than I ever was..she's really rough in the bedroom and I'm not..she talks about man stuff and rolls around in the mud and I don't..he made fun of me for being too girly and old fashioned/old school and he bragged that he likes that she farts and belches in front of him and laughs about it..he said I didn't appreciate him working but she doesn't even tell him thank you when he buys her stuff *my daughters witnessed this several times*..he lies..didnt talk to me about problems he had with me but he'd tell another woman the problems and make some up and then have sex with her after he'd make them feel sorry for him..he has no respect for me whatsoever..the list can go on and on and a lot of this was before his latest 2 affairs so it can't all be blamed on this "affair fog"..i have to admit we aren't compatible at all and I think we were only meant to have these kids and then part ways..i know I'm religious now but given the adultery and the Bible says if the nonbeliever in the marriage leaves let them go so I'm going to do just that..i can't take anymore BC that man has put me through hell and back and his parents know everything and are with me that me and the girls deserve a heck of a lot better than what he has and is putting us through..i don't know what God has planned for me but I hope it's better than this-I still pray for the man though and still hope he gets away from her BC that is not who i want to be my babies stepmother but I know I have no control over that outcome..i will list my goals tomorrow..i know if God blesses me with another shot at marriage I will know what I expect and I want that man to get me at my best..i just want a semi handsome sweet respectful romantic old school southern man..is that too much to ask for? and I'm 30 and love pink,Barbie and flowers and am very much a girly/feminine woman but I'll go fishing and four wheeler riding also and want a truck so hopefully I will get someone who can deal with all of that..even after divorce *which will prob be in February* I still want and need time to myself BC raising 3 kids takes all my time and energy right now
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
I know some of that was repeating what I have previously said but if that's what makes him happy then no thanks..i will not change practically everything about myself for anybody especially someone who has treated me the way he has..time for barbie7 2.0 honestly it would take a hell of a lot more than their stupidity to break me..yes I get ticked off and hurt about it sometimes but it sure won't stop me from doing my thing and achieving my goals..or at least trying my darndest to achieve them
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
I read your posts and I understand how you are feeling. I totally get the pain that you are going through. With that said, I agree that it is finished between Barbie7 and Barbie7H, but why do you want to close the door for Barbie72.0 and Barbie7H2.0? The way I see it, I have no plans to take my W back as she is right now....but I believe after we work together and grow, that we could build a successful relationship in the future....if I ever get that chance. Yes, there has been a lot of pain and a lot of emotional suffering on probably both of our ends, but I dont think that precludes us from R in the future.
Not saying its the same from you. Im just trying to understand the benefit of slamming that door shut.
Well he has admitted he doesn't want to change anything..he blamed me for everything..she didn't help anything by telling him he's perfect like he is..if some miracle happened and he actually felt remorseful about all of this and actually wanted to treat me right then that's another story..I don't want me and my kids to go through this for a third time..he has said he is never coming back anyway..i know don't believe what they say but he has convinced himself that I can't make him happy and he doesn't care if I'm happy apparently so it makes me feel better to shut the door
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
Well he has admitted he doesn't want to change anything..he blamed me for everything..she didn't help anything by telling him he's perfect like he is..if some miracle happened and he actually felt remorseful about all of this and actually wanted to treat me right then that's another story..I don't want me and my kids to go through this for a third time..he has said he is never coming back anyway..i know don't believe what they say but he has convinced himself that I can't make him happy and he doesn't care if I'm happy apparently so it makes me feel better to shut the door
That stuff in blue? Dont worry about that. Of course he will say those things right now. So I wouldnt put any stock in that. And what I bolded....thats not your responsibility.
And lastly, the stuff in red. I understand that. The way I see it, youve been standing at the open door waiting. What if you just walk away from the door instead of slamming it closed? Stop worrying about R for now , and let it happen or not happen at some time in the future?
So he called the girls today..asked to speak to me and I got on the phone with an attitude..i honestly didn't want to talk to him..well he tells me he wants to get the girls this weekend *that will make 8 weeks since he has seen them* and asks if I can meet him somewhere to drop the girls off with him..he then tells me he can't drive his truck BC the inspection sticker is expired and something else is wrong with it so he says he wants me to meet him and her after he gets off work..i said no I'm not going anywhere around her..he starts doing his stupid laugh and said why not..she won't say anything..i said I don't care I'm not going around her..i heard her in the background saying "what did she say?" He then tells me fine then we will go to your house to pick them up..i said umm no..he laughs again and says well I'm just letting you know I want the girls this weekend and I can't drive my truck so either you meet us or we're going to your house to pick them up..the night he left I told him she is not allowed on this property..i guess he forgot or doesn't give a crap..and he was talking like he wanted me to feel sorry for him that he can't drive his truck right now..sorry but that's not my problem..i will either tell him he can drive her car here by himself or his parents will bring the kids to meet up with them..they don't want to be around her either but idk why he feels any of us should help him out..honestly I'm starting to hate him and I'm thinking I was/am married to a nutso..seems she wants to pick a fight with me no matter what I say or do and he does his stupid sarcastic laugh at everything I say..ok they want each other and are each others soul mates blah blah well they can have each other but I'm sick of them making fun of me and bullying me and trying to make me look like the bad guy/woman..why me?!?! I'm over here raising 3 kids on my own pretty much and trying to live right and better myself and trying to get over all the hurt and betrayal and everything else he has caused and done and I still have to deal with this bullcrap..i wish she would go away for good..my poor babies having to be around her..maybe I will have to get his parents to tell him she is not allowed on the property for him to take it seriously..they do own it..we go to court Sept. 22nd..i feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something..he left his wife and kids to be with her and he just can't understand why I wouldn't want to be around her..really?!?! I was reading somebody's ditch a while ago and noticed someone mentioned Psalm 37:7 "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;do not fret when men succeed in their ways,when they carry out their wicked schemes." It seemed to fit my ditch right now..we pray every day and night that he will get away from her and stop being wayward..if God answers that prayer it may be a long time from now..He knows what he's doing and what's going on though so I just have to have faith that things will get better soon..they say God only gives you what you can bear/handle..He must think I can handle A LOT
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
I think you are focusing on the wrong thing. I get that OW isnt someone you care to be friends with or really even meet. But SHE is not the problem. She is a symptom of the problem. If it werent her, it would just be someone else. Worrying about their relationship is only going to bring you down.
What Id be more worried about is him disappearing for months and then expecting you to just let him take his kids for a few days. What kind of schedule is THAT? Why are you just letting him waltz in and dictate when to take your kids this weekend? Id say that you need to agree on a custody schedule before just letting him take them whenever its convenient or fun for him.
When he left I told him he can get them every other weekend..he has had excuses his past few weekends not to come get them..20 more days until court and I can't wait until everything is decided by a judge and in writing..i understand what you're saying about him and her but to me that's just cruel to try to make me be around her in person..it's like another big slap in the face..and she really is a violent aggressive person so I'm not taking my chances..at this point if she tried to get in a fight with me I doubt he would stop her..from what I've heard myself and experienced she despises me..idk if she's jealous or what but it's weird..and my lawyer is going to try to get it to where the girls can't spend the night over there until him and her have been together a year or they're married..the fact that there's a 45 year old man there bothers me too BC I don't trust just anybody around my babies..i need a vacation.i really hope we get to go to Florida in a few weeks
Me-30 H/STBX-32 Daughters-10,7,18 months M-9 years T-11 years A few BD's since 2011 H left-March 16,2015 H came back-June 6,2015 Kicked husband out BC he was still seeing OW-June 26,2015
and I'm 30 and love pink,Barbie and flowers and am very much a girly/feminine woman but I'll go fishing and four wheeler riding also and want a truck so hopefully I will get someone who can deal with all of that..even after divorce *which will prob be in February* I still want and need time to myself BC raising 3 kids takes all my time and energy right now