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Joined: Jul 2015
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Originally Posted By: Abe31
Quote:

Yep. Not much choice in this matter. That's why its best to turn your focus inward.

So you posted a lot of words on your M.

Let's talk about you: what do you believe you contributed to the downfall of your M?


Not sure to be honest.

1. I am a good partner. But I never gave enough support.
2. I am a good provider. But we always needed more.
3. I am a good father. But I didn't do enough.

You cant make a change until you identify WHAT you are going to change. So you have 3 things up there. Can you get more specific? What would 180s of those look like? HOW will you improve them?

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Abe31 Offline OP
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Sorry for the length between posts. A lot has been happening in my life. And then, a lot of nothing is happening.

I went through a major surgery this summer and it took Aug and Sept to get back to health. I lost my job and I had to close up my house and put everything in storage.

Not much has changed in my sitch. The restraining orders are still in place and the lawyers are this week going to approach my wife to get me visitation with the kids. I was told to go no contact for 90 days to give her time to calm down. The only positive I can see is she agreed to reduced support due to my loss of employment. Legally, things are moving at a snail's pace. And so there is very little I can do to effect change in my marriage.

In the mean time, and in answer to Azzork's questions, I have started looking for employment again in my field. There are many opportunities and I have some good contacts so I should be back on my feet shortly.

My GAL's have been to reconnect with a lot of old friends, go hiking with them and explore the city and the local national parks. I went with another friend to watch him drag-race and met a few good people. When I get back to work I'll start cycling again. Hopefully I can get back up to 200km a week.

The downfall of my marriage was to isolate my wife and let her feel abandoned. She was alone. I didn't spend enough quality time with her. And so, she GAL-ed herself and found a life outside of the family. Eventually, she probably felt that she would be less lonely being around friends than a husband who didn't spend time with her.

All for now.


Me:41 W:43
D:19 S:14
M:20 T:22
BD1: Mar 6, 2015 - wife leaves with son
BD2: Mar 12, 2015 - restraining orders for 1 year
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Abe31 Offline OP
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Okay, well, I know no one has gotten too involved in my stuff yet but my L got a response from my wife and my PO that I need advice on.

First, my wife is willing to let me see the kids. That is huge. I haven't seen them in 7 months and I am dying to see them and spend some time with them. The letter will go out from my L next week but I've been assured that all sides have already agreed to me seeing them for lunch. I'm crying from a mixture of joy and despair.

Second, and this is the big one. I have been told that my wife does not want to R. I have been told that she doesn't want to talk to me for a long time. I have agreed with and validated this back to my wife through the L. BUT and bit BUT, and this is the key, I'm being asked to send an apology letter for: "how my actions have caused distress to my wife."

Now, at this point I'm guessing at what I'm supposed to apologize for but the word "remorse" has come up a couple times. And when I read the word remorse I'm thinking my wife is upset about infidelity. I've never cheated on my wife but she's probably thinking I was having an EA. I can admit I probably crossed the line into flirting too much with OWs. No, no one in particular. But my wife and I can both get jealous.

So, I have to write an apology letter. Is there some resources or advice for this? This feels like the first step back to some sort of communication.


Me:41 W:43
D:19 S:14
M:20 T:22
BD1: Mar 6, 2015 - wife leaves with son
BD2: Mar 12, 2015 - restraining orders for 1 year
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
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What does your lawyer say you should do?


Me-70, D37,S36
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Abe31 Offline OP
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L says one thing at a time. So, access to kids first.


Me:41 W:43
D:19 S:14
M:20 T:22
BD1: Mar 6, 2015 - wife leaves with son
BD2: Mar 12, 2015 - restraining orders for 1 year
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