LBS becomes the WS. The price of peace.

[asitis]

Even the Buddha continued to form warm Rs with people after his enlightenment. He was pained by the death of someone close to him. Here is a passage I always read to people who are going through the struggle of understanding why they keep forming attachments that only will make them suffer:

"When I was a young monk, I believed that the Buddha didn't suffer once he had become enlightened. Naively I asked myself 'What's the use of becoming a Buddha if you continue to suffer?' The Buddha did suffer, because he had a body, feelings, and perceptions, like all of us...When one of his beloved students died, he suffered. How can you not suffer when a dear friend has just died? The Buddha wasn't stone. He was a human being. But because he had a lot of insight, wisdom, and compassion, he knew how to suffer and so he suffered much less." Thich Nhat Hanh, No Mud, No Lotus

I think our challenge is like the 4th of the Five Remembrances: All that is dear to me, and everyone I love, are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them. It doesn't go on to say not to have loved ones. It tells us to love them with this in mind. Do you love someone less knowing you will have to say goodbye someday (if you are lucky - some people die so suddenly that we don't get this chance)?

I think a lot of the non-attachment is so that we are not messing up the relationship w/ our own cr*p. Our own neuroses, insecurities, etc. as much as we can. It is so we can love.

Now, should you love everyone equally because there is nothing special about any of us? Certainly there is an aspirational element to see no difference. But I haven't seen too many people even close to this, even after many decades (them not me) of practice & wise teachers. There is no difference, and yet there is. All form is emptiness, but all emptiness form. I am not really an I, and yet I am in a very real, practical sense. The Buddha continued to love particular people with whom he bonded, they just weren't sexual bonds. You will continue to love particular people. They will continue to cause you suffering. Can you love them well in the time you have with them? Can you love them enough to get out of their way and respect their wishes when they don't correspond with your wishes? Can you grow from making the relationship part of your practice and fuel for your practice? These seem to me to be big enough challenges at least where I am on the path.

Just how I think about it.

[Vanilla]

You ok Py?

V

[Zues126]

Hey Py, I've been thinking about you a lot man. Don't go HP on us.

[Pyrite]

hey guys,

thanks for asking. I've been at the snow with my kids. since i have been back i have had few things to catch up on as well. Nothing here has really changed. we'll end up in court soon re:custody, but W (and her L) seem to be incompetent. Or perhaps deliberately stalling which seems bizarre tactic. And that is what it has degenerated into my friends - tactics.

when i have had a minute i have been chatting with Lost a bit, who does seem a bit lost. catching up with MIL this week. M is lost in another dimension or parallel Universe. This just completely sux for my kids. Sadly I am moving further and further away from even being open to R. On one hand I am looking forward to a healthy R (more later maybe), and on the other the bar just keeps rising on how remorseful she will need to be. Just when I think she can't possibly be more selfish, she shines even brighter.

-Py

[Zues126]

To lighten things up from my pool forum:


I came home from the pool room last night. The wife had left a note on
the refrigerator:

"IT'S NOT WORKING, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. GONE TO STAY WITH MY MOTHER."

I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold...

What the hell is she talking about?

[Pyrite]

Dude . So did you have a beer?


seriously - interesting development. SO she comes into your house?

my guess is OM2 did the dirty on her and she is having trouble with all that represents. Just a guess, maybe even a slightly vindictive one.

"what? but its all working just fine darlin. say hello to your Mum for me"

damn - and i bet you really thought that all that medication was going to bring long lasting peace of mind for her. ah well - he who laughs last my friend.

seriously, I hope she's OK. not to fwustwated. bwahahahaha. Sorry now Im just being cruel.

My W is backflipping all over the place with custody sitch and L. She bluffed. She had a pair of twos. We couldn't believe it, so we errrrrr "called" her on it. Bang - here comes another offer, but she has no chips to bet with - poor dear - she's never been good at games. Seems she hired a L just as deficient. Not that she ever had much to work with anyway, apart from being the "mother", negative territory in every other respect.

[Zues126]

Sorry Py. I should've changed the font. This was a joke I read on the pool forums I frequent. Call it DB forum humor. Meant to just lighten the mood.

In reality I couldn't tell you what STBX is up to any more than I could tell you what my high school gym teacher is up to. I'm not done grieving, and she does cross my mind, but I am not going to feed that fire by tracking her whereabouts.

Yes, D's are twisted. This whole thing is twisted. I'm grown up now, though, and I guess this is how people in this world treat each other.

It's like Lord of the Flies on this rock.

At least Py is posting again though!

[asitis]

Good one Z. I got it, and it reminded me of the parallel conversation a husband and wife have that I'm sure some of you've seen. The W gets more and more worked up about H's lack of communication as a sign of his dissatisfaction w/ her and the M, and he's just being quiet because he is thinking about what he needs to do about the car.

[Zues126]

Exactly. I've read that one too.

Or the one where H and W are in a war and giving each other the silent treatment. For days they don't talk. Determined to force his wife to break the silence the man goes to bed but leaves a note for his wife that says "I have a flight tomorrow at 7AM, please make sure to wake me up in the morning". Well, he woke up and the sun was shining too bright, and sure enough he looked at the clock and it was 7:45. He was furious, jumped out of bed...then he saw his note- on the back was written "WAKE UP!!!"

[Pyrite]

ok cool - so not your STBX then.

I am OK most of the time, and then there is some little thing that grabs me, and I'm back there all over again. thankfully it is over much much quicker now and probably less severe. I can feel my head and my body actually sighing in boredom - "not this [censored] again."

Just read the formal offer from W. She's basically playing me again. Although expected through L. Basically her offer is "I get to do everything I want", and you can have some scraps.