John I am sorry about your marriage. This is happening so fast, it must be hard to digest. The only advice I can offer is to keep posting. It's good for you to vent and people offer good advice. Be well Be strong
Since you are tempted to snoop as way of tracking her, my advice is to block her. I mean after all, she is moving in with OM. I would not consider her a FB friend. The basic reason for this advice is the fact you already know about the A. She is filing for D. If you habitually follow her FB, it will eat you alive. You won't be able to detach.
Set some short term goals. Fill your calendar with GAL activities. Do you have Labor Day plans?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
John..I'm a newbie also.so not able to give much advice..however some of what you post resonates..I do not follow Ws Facebook ...haven't for awhile..it just gnaws at you..try not to feed the anger and resentment Take one day at a time...
This weekend I am taking the kids to AZ for my brother in law's daughter's 10th birthday party. Yes, my W's brother. W is not going. My BIL and I have been friends since the beginning and he is on my side. W hasn't talked to him in a long time. He emailed her (bcc to me) with screen shots of her posts on FB about OM. She never responded.
W acted happy when I told her the plan. Of course that means she will have the weekend with OM, but I'm hoping she will see what it's like without us.
Back from AZ. Had a good time. Got to talk to BIL and his W for a while about my wife and my MR.
He said something that I hadn't realized before; my W likes to take care of people in need. The OM before and the OM this time were both going through a rough time in their lives. Is that the Florence Nightingale effect?
When I get depressed, I wake up in early morning. Usually around 4:45. So this morning I woke up at 4am. I'm tired from the drive and the lack of sleep from the weekend, so I'm surprised I woke up that early. I felt alone. I know there are phases to coping with the D,and I know this will pass.
W acted happy when I told her the plan. Of course that means she will have the weekend with OM, but I'm hoping she will see what it's like without us.
As long as everything is going the way she likes, there is less chance that she will miss the life she had with you. I tell you this b/c so many LBH's attach their actions to the WW. It beats you up pretty fast, if you can't stop.
I'm not telling you to discontinue your friendship with your BIL. I will, however, suggest you not find excuses to be with other members of your W's family. It isn't really healthy right now, and it places her family in a tough spot.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
