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Dawgs #2621415 11/03/15 08:53 PM
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Jump on in Spiff69! Thank you for posting!!

American history is so much older than our Kiwi one. And American history and places are so iconic to the rest of the world. I should probably speak for myself really. Thank you for providing some sign posts I can google. BTW - where are you now in the US?

I know that some might think I am indulgent and selfish in discussing my bucket list plans, while other's here are struggling, grieving and battling the emotional rollercoaster BD brings. Please forgive me. It is not to make light of your situation.

My history of one of complete co-dependence on the men I have been in relationship with, to the point where I have at times completely immersed myself if their goals, dreams and identities that I forgot my own.

I am now on the journey to identify the things I like, dislike, what are my dreams and aspirations?

I am not sure if anyone can recall the movie the Run Away Bride. But I was a lot like the Julia Roberts character. The scene where Richard Gere teases her about not being able to say how she liked her eggs. Julia's character changed how she liked her eggs based on the man she was with at the time. Hummmm - i tested my self I like my eggs poached but running and I have to have toast with it and I like scrambled as long as it comes with bacon.

Learning to make declarations of my likes and dislikes, my preferences and being able to communicate them is a steep learning curve. But I appreciate your patience as I figure this out.

Much love

JellyB XXX

Ancaire #2621451 11/03/15 11:09 PM
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Ancaire,

Thank you for the offer... I will definitly take full advantage of a couch to achieve a dream! Mi casa es tu casa, or rather my couch is your couch if you ever down my way. I would heartily welcome of fellow travelling DBer!!!!!!!

As for living elsewhere. I am fortunate that there was a social worker shortage in the UK in the early 2000's and I was able to get a sponsored social work position so worked and live there for two years. I would love to go back and see more of Europe the parts I missed out on. Particularly more of Ireland, only had a couple of drunken weekends in Dublin. And I would like to see Hungary where my father is from, and Turkey and the Prague too.

I know there are plenty of work to stay arrangements these days across the world, so there are opportunities to see the world. I have also considered volunteering as way to see more of the world as well. Maybe helping to build a school in Africa or South America. Tibet???

I don't know if you have them in the US, but we (in NZ and Australia) have what are called the "Grey Nomads". They are retired folk who have sold up their assets and brought what American's I guess call RV's, we call them caravans or mobile homes. And these retired folk move from place to place as they please. In Australia in the Northern Terrority (Alice Springs) where I worked as social worker for a time, you see them on the way to Ulruru (Ayers Rock) all the RV's lined up on the side of road, while they have their cups of tea sitting on lawn chairs. It is so funny!

I shouldnt laugh, I may not end up as crazy spinister cat lady, but a roaming spinister Grey Nomad instead. I have to say being a Grey Nomad is far more inviting. :-))))

Thanks so much for posting on my thread Ancaire. I have seen you around the boards offering your support and insight. You strike me as a woman of some "Gumption" (see the movie The Holiday" with Kate Winslet.

Go well

JellyB XXX

Last edited by JellyB; 11/03/15 11:13 PM.
JellyB #2621460 11/03/15 11:44 PM
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JellyB!!

Great to see such a positive update from you. I think your world bucket list tour sounds AMAZING!! There's nothing wrong with posting positive aspects of your situation on here, personally I loved reading about your upcoming adventures and hearing how you turned lemons into lemonade.

I read your post a few back about your scars and how you've earned them. I agree. I'm a bit scarred up too from some scraps here and there but appreciate the heck out of them. The story of our lives is written on our bodies, and if someone falls in love you, they'll fall in love with your story, and where it's written. Just keep being amazing and some lucky guy is going to find the woman of his dreams.

An ex of mine from years back had been burned badly in a fire and had scars across her ribs and stomach. All I could think was, "She's a bad ass to have survived that!" and didn't pay it any more mind than that.

Glad to hear you're doing so well and taking all of this by the horns. Your adventure sounds magnificent.

Big hug from the US,

PP


M 39 W 36
T5 M3
BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day
Served 9/15
D finalized 6/17
PigPen #2621473 11/04/15 12:21 AM
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Oh Perpetually Gorgeous PP!!

Thank you for stopping by. The Gluten Free eating has really lifted my mood and outlook. I am beginning to realise that I have a number of food sensitivities that have been manifesting in my poor mental health. And I have been using bakery goods and sugar as means to self medicate for years, making the load heavier for myself!!

Some of my refocussing on myself and travel has been inspired by posts I have been reading on here. When I read about your desire to travel next year and gather peoples stories with Wolfie in tow. I started thinking about my own dreams. Dday posted on my thread yesterday and he is visiting the dream of building his own home. I thought yip that is something I have always wanted to do as a well. It raised that I also love amazing photography and architecture. But it is not something I have fully explored. Even though I brought an amazing camera to take some photography classes just before bomb drop.

It's funny how you forget what lights you up when you are so focussed on or avoiding the pain of life or that with your intimate other (My life/my intimate other - I shall speak for myself).

As for the conversation about the scars. I was attempting to get some clarity for myself and with U-turn, about the emotional scars that are left from BD and how we may wear them into a relationship with someone else. (I don't see Mr Ex and I ever reconciling). I was attempting to say that we can wear the emotional scars with pride and vulnerablility. As you say you looked at your ex's physical scars and said "she's a bad ass to have survived that". Should we not honor the emotional ones equally?

As for my physical scars. Thank you for your comments. You help resolve some of my anxiety that there are men out there who will see past them or appreciate that imperfection can be beautiful.

I always stop by and read your thread PP. I don't post because there are far more insightful and helpful people providing you with amazing support. But I think of you often and hold you in high regard and quietly championing that your hearts desires come true.

Much love

JellyB XXX

JellyB #2621477 11/04/15 12:48 AM
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Hello JellyB,

If you are heading to Canada I'm just outside of Toronto. I'm sure I can spare some room in my igloo.

As far as European travel. I've been to quite a few places. I spent my childhood in Germany. Just like you, my father was born in Hungary, just outside of Budapest. I spent two summers there when I was young. Beautiful country! You must try the goulash and salami. Plum dumplings are awesome as well ( hope they make them gluten free now). I'm hoping within the next few years to get some more travelling in. On my bucket list is NZ. Of course I would like to tour Europe again, this time as an adult.

Happy travels JellyB!


Di-mond in the rough
M-45 H-38
My children S-25 D-23
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H left April Fools Day 2015

One day at a time!
Di-mond #2621489 11/04/15 01:23 AM
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OMG Di-mond a wee spot in your igloo would super amazing!

I have wanted to visit Canada since I was teenager. I was a Nanny shortly after I left school and had every intention of coming to Nanny in Canada as the working visas for being an Au Pair between NZ and Canada were easy to get. I did however fall for the wrong boy and my dreams got side tracked, however my dream of visiting and even working in Canada have remained. I could work in Canada if I ever got my Masters Degree in Social Work. I have friends in different parts of Canada so a visit there is more than possible.

I had planned with Mr Ex that were going to take a cruise down the Danube once he had finished competing in his sport at an elite level. I guess this will be a dream trip I take on my own. Yes I was raised on goulash and salami's. But I have never had a plum dumping, they sound divine!

As my invitation was extended to Ancaire, my invitation is extended to you. If you are ever down this way, let me know and there is also room in my whare (Maori word for house) for you and yours!!

Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing with me. I really appreciate it

JellyB XXX

Last edited by JellyB; 11/04/15 01:24 AM.
JellyB #2621534 11/04/15 05:41 AM
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Surprise! Just checking in JB. smile


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
JellyB #2621583 11/04/15 01:58 PM
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Hi JellyB!

Quote:
American history is so much older than our Kiwi one. And American history and places are so iconic to the rest of the world. I should probably speak for myself really. Thank you for providing some sign posts I can google. BTW - where are you now in the US?


Without indulging too much just in case the W finds this site, I live in the great state of Georgia. American history is one of my all-time favorite things. Google Savannah...if you ever do get to the States and especially this part, then Savannah is a must stop. Like pirates? Think Blackbeard! There is so much history there.

Quote:
I know that some might think I am indulgent and selfish in discussing my bucket list plans, while other's here are struggling, grieving and battling the emotional rollercoaster BD brings. Please forgive me. It is not to make light of your situation.


Nothing to forgive. I look at it as a way of healing, which is the most of important of things. Just like my posting in other's threads, I find that to be healing in its own, weird sort of way, I guess. I just know that it helps me.

Quote:
Learning to make declarations of my likes and dislikes, my preferences and being able to communicate them is a steep learning curve. But I appreciate your patience as I figure this out.


I think you are doing great! Keep posting those!

Quote:
I like scrambled as long as it comes with bacon.


Oh wow, a person after my own heart! Bacon? Thick cut or thin cut, no difference. Crispy is a must. Also like to find it with the rind on (that goes back to childhood with my much loved Grandfather). Now I am hungry!


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Dawgs #2621787 11/05/15 04:02 AM
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HI there again Spiff69,

Yes silly of me to ask the question of your location. I forget that other's here need to ensure the privacy of themselves and their families. I on the hand have little regard to the consequences of myself or my Mr Ex being identified. This is for lots of different reasons, but I do respect the need of others here. So please forgive my oversight. I can be a little excitable at times.

I know nothing about Savannah, only that the heat in the summer can be overwhelming. Note to self Google Savannah!!

Thank you for acknowledging that I can share my journey and process without worry. It is a stress for me to share on the boards. I find it challenging to feel ok with taking up space when there are far more worthy people who are in so much more need than I.

Bring on that thick cut bacon. It is very rare to get here. To get thick bacon you have to buy it unsliced and cut it at home yourself. In saying that a new cafe opened close to where I live and they do an awesome eggs benedict with thick cut smokey bacon. Mmmmmmmmm. I do believe that bacon is a food group all on its own. Your grandfather had it going on!! ;-)

Thanks for stopping by again Spiff69. I really appreciate it.

Take care

Jellyb xxx

JellyB #2621798 11/05/15 05:21 AM
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Jelly, random thoughts and observations...

I'll be happy to join you to cruise down the Danube! When do we leave? wink

Savannah is easily one of the most beautiful cities in America. Giant oak tress with Spanish moss hanging from them, a gorgeous town square, beautiful and elegant old homes, and wrought iron fencing everywhere. Historically rich, tons of ghost stories, pirates, and quirky locals. I'd move there in a heartbeat if I could! Secret tunnels, river traffic, and a town laid out in grids by a General - no curvy roads in the old part of Savannah!

Canada is on my list of places to visit, too. I understand it's hard for an American to move there now. Too bad. So much beauty there and the nicest people.

There is a home delivery company here in the US called Schwann's. If they've expanded to your part of the world, buy your bacon from them. Thick-cut, flavorful, and gorgeous bacon. Their ice cream is fabulous.


Me: 48 H: 50 - Married 21 - 3-S: 29,19,19 2-D: 27,26
BD: 08/2015 - D filed & OW disc: 09/2015

"Surrender to What Is, Let Go of What Was, Have Faith in What Will Be." -S Ricotti
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