Today is a rough day for me. My H is going to a convention starting today for the store. Before the BD, I was supposed to go with him. We went last year and had a great time. I was really looking forward to going.
It is upsetting to me that he can just move on so quickly with his life. He is acting almost as if I never existed in his life.
He is being so selfish right now. I want things to work with us, but I know I don't want him the way he is acting right now.
Im Sorry I know how hard it can be I also could never understand how xh could get let me go without a care
I think they do care, but something seems to happen to them almost suddenly and they seem so set on their path
If it is MLC or something similar..there is NO reaching them
The LBS spouse in MLC has to bear the full burden, the pain, the responsibilities and the kids
You say you have a business together,,We did also I would definitely get into the bank records and bills and check how much money is going out
We have to protect ourselves and assets because these guys in MLC or any Life crisis seem to spend and spend
they become opposite of what they were
It is worthwhile to seek legal advice,,,not to get a D ,but just to learn your rights You H may have been good with money before, but he is no longer the same man
hang in there
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Well, it's been over 2 weeks since my H has contacted me. I did hear from his sister that he made it home and back from the convention ok. I guess he did say it wasn't as good this year. I am not sure if that is because I wasn't there, but I am sure he wouldn't admit it.
I have been trying to keep myself busy. I have been going out with friends a couple nights a week and working on my house the other nights.
This weekend, my cousin is getting married. Most of the family doesn't know that my H left. I am not really looking forward to the wedding. I am not sure what I will say if anyone asks me where my H is. Pretty much everyone I have told is shocked that he left. A lot of people are surprised that he is the one that left. From the outside looking in - to most people, it seems like if anyone was going to leave, it should have been me.
I don't know if I should try to contact him again. Has anyone had much luck contacting their WAS? If I did contact him, it would be about something light - no R talk at all.
Thanks for all of the support! It has been really helpful to hear from people in similar situations.
I had another counseling session today. I feel like I am more confused now than before. It seemed like she was encouraging me to contact my H.
I feel like I am in a no-win situation with my marriage. He basically said the last time we talked that he didn't want to talk to me and un friending me on facebook kind of cemented the whole thing. So if I contact him, it will most likely just make him mad. If I don't contact him, will he just forget about me? Also, the longer we have no contact, the farther apart we grow from each other.
Does no-contact really help with the marriage, or does it just make the LBS feel better.
Looking back at our marriage, I would guess my husband's biggest complaint would be that I was not emotionally supportive enough. So is not contacting him just more of the same?
Yes, if the problem in the marriage was that you were aloof and not present, it might be a 180 to contact him - but that's not really the story you're telling. And right now he's in the middle of his fantasy. You contacting him will seem like you're clinging. You mysteriously being quiet and getting out and having a fabulous time GALing - will make him curious. You see, they like to think you're home crying waiting to see if he'll pick you as plan B. They never think you might be out having fun on your own - and it usually makes them stop and think if you do.
So get out and have fun. Protect yourself financially (consult a lawyer if you haven't already). And if you HAVE to contact him, do it with something legit (like, say, something business-related that you have to ask him) and end it quickly on YOUR term ("Sorry H, my "friend" just arrived at the door, I have to go".)
I still think there's a lot about your husband that you might decide, after a while, he's not the one for you - the fact that your friends and family were surprised that you didn't leave him should tell you something! But whether you'll want him back when the time comes or not, pursuing him now will just chase him away, while being mysterious and intriguing may draw him in.
Lost - I can only tell you about my personal experience with NC.
I went complete no contact, my h started to email me every couple of months, just a "hi, how are you" one. I returned with light chit chat and nothing more. Then a few months ago he rang me, he talked about how his life has turned to custard and how much he misses me in his life. He also said he had wanted to contact me many times but did not feel he had the right to do so after what he did to us. Even today, now we are communicating again, I try not to contact him first.
NC works for both of you. It gives you the breathing space to start walking on your own path. If you contact your h he could see it as pursuing him, he currently wants his freedom, not to have to answer to anyone but himself. It does not matter if you did not talk any r, you are a reminder of his old self, the one he is currently running from. I know it is hard but remain strong and distract yourself when you feel the temptation, the feeling will pass and you will be pleased you didn't give in.
It sounds like your c may not be fully understanding of a MLC so be careful of what advice is given.
Lost I have the same question. Is NC really for us - the LBSs ? Cause I think that is exactly what my H wants.,i feel like for him it ismbetter when i am "out of sight out of mind" then he doesn't feel guiltym
Hi Jpeg - currently we text a few times during the week and speak at weekends. We live away from each other so have not seen each other for a year, but that is about to change. The texts go from day to day chit chat, to flirty.
BD (ilybnilwy speech) was April 14 (but this has been brewing on and off since 2000) and he left June 14. OW came on scene Aug 14. He bounced back to me Sept 14 and I last saw him Oct 14. I went complete NC at that point. He went back to OW and they moved in together Jan15.
He emailed Nov 14, Feb 15 and then rang me March 15. In May 15 he rang me, he was broken and confused. Since then contact got more regular, he professed his desire to get me back a few weeks ago, left ow and is now in psychotherapy to sort out his head and make him whole again. Some weeks we talk/text every day and some weeks can go by with nothing (but that is rare now), he is figuring out who he is and I am figuring out what I want, so until then we are taking this slowly. (job, if you're reading this, yep I do listen to you :o) )
I am ok with this, actually it suits me as I have to adjust to this new situation too. I have rebuilt my life, I was completely destroyed and lost everything so having the breathing space to focus solely on me has been the best thing that happened. I have a job, home and friends, I have my own life that I decide what happens in. A lot has changed about me and I really do believe NC helped me move along quicker.
And for h - he told me that no matter what I did or said he would have done whatever he wanted to anyway, there was no stopping this. He has said that none of this has come from a sane place, he regrets and hates himself for who he has become and is now taking steps to fix himself.
Contacting and harassing him would have just pushed him further away from me. I told him twice, one in the June before he left and again in November before I went away:" if anything changes then never sit there and not say anything, I love you and will always be here if you need me." Then I left him alone.
Its hard, seriously hard. At times the temptation is really strong to just send a text "hi" - distract yourself. When the time passes you will be pleased you didn't do anything. I ask myself - am I prepared to feel the pain if I don't get the answer I want back .....my answer is no.
Thank LouR that does help A Lot. Especially to hear that he did regret his actions and that he told you so. The pain this is causing not just me but our kids is an unbarable crushing burden
