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Originally Posted By: asitis
If you are still connected financially, then discussing and asking her opinion are prudent, unless there is a very good reason for not doing these things. First, you don't want to inflame the conflict when you are trying to get things to calm down between you. Second, it is a way to show that you respect her opinion and judgment that you bring her the ideas and ask what she thinks and give that some thought. Even if you decide that you need to move forward with your idea, if you can demonstrate that you really did think on what she said and that you just decided that you really need it it without implying that you thought she was wrong, you are showing her something she may be feeling she didn't get from you in the past and is sensitive to (part of her reaction?).

It is hard to say from what you said if there is something else (like trying to gain control) going on.


Thank you, that's a great idea asitis, I'll give it some serious thought. It's reconnecting, without being needy, nice!


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Isn't it weird talking with your WW? They use a voice tone and sentence constructs you've never heard them use before, it's like talking to a complete stranger. Is it only me who sometimes thinks, "what was it that attracted me to them in the first place?"?

A few weeks ago I mentioned to the woman who owns the riding school I go to about doing something completely different when an argument with her husband is brewing (stop going down cheese less tunnels) and today she took me to one side and thanked me so much.

Apparently a family bust up was brewing and her H and D were at each other, she admitted that normally she would have taken her D's side and things would have spiralled out of control, but she changed and went to her husband and asked him what she could do to help him with the situation. This calmed him down immediately and the argument fizzled rapidly, her H and D now seem to have an even better relationship and her H thanked her profusely for her support, she was over the moon!

She was my angel for today, who was yours? By angel I don't mean in the biblical sense I mean who was the person that helped you directly or indirectly? They are everywhere and you probably meet or hear one everyday, you just need to be conscious of them helping you to see and appreciate them.


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Great job passing on the DB knowledge Beagley, if only there were DB'ers in our lives pre bomb drop huh?!

I had an angel moment too today. I got a FB message from a woman that went to grad school with my W and I but lives in CO. It just said, "I feel like there's a disturbance in the force, you OK?"

So we started texting a bit and I gave her the scoop. How my W had left, what she's up to now, what I'm up to now etc. I was having a tough day as I'd just seen my W for the first time in 2 weeks and she happened to mention being hung over from a dinner last night with another guy.

My friend sent me this message, "Sounds like W is a bit lost right now, that's ok. Let her be lost. It also sounds like you're about to start the greatest chapter of your entire life. How fortunate for you!"

It was just enough to change my thoughts and help me get through the rest of the evening. So yes, she was my angel today.

PP


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That's a great storyAngels are amazing things, they always pop up just when you need them, sometimes they simply disappear, sometimes they hang around, sometimes they are on the TV, radio so you can't necessarily interact with them; one thing is for certain, there are many on this BB. There are days when you've been mine PigPen.

It's believing they will appear and being ready to accept them that can be the hard part as they don't necessarily tell you what you want to hear, they are often if not always right though.


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Was listening to this today, it's a nice balance of melancholic inner thoughts and rising spirits:

I know that it's over
But I can't believe we're through
They said that time's a healer
And I'm better without you
It's gonna take time I know
But I'll get over you

[Chorus:]
Look at my life
Look at my heart
I have seen them fall apart
Now I'm ready to rise again
Look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
I'm building bridges from these scenes
Now I'm ready to rise again

Caught up in my thinking, yeah
Like a prisoner in my mind
You pose so many questions
But the truth was hard to find
I better think twice I know
That I'll get over you

[Chorus]

Much time has passed between us
Do you still think of me at all?
My world of broken promises
Now you won't catch me when I fall

[Chorus]


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My angel yesterday was a guy who, out of nowhere came over and shook my hand and said "thank you for helping out and for being part of making today such a great one". I was a volunteer for a exercise challenge event in the local area (party of my GAL activities) and this guy was a participant who I don't know and didn't get his name; he enabled me to walk on air for a while.


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I was about to post that there was no angel and that's hardly surprising as I spent the day on my own (a pleasant rarity), but then I thought hang on there was an angel and he was in the room with me all day.

He helped me out of some difficult thought processes, helped me come up with some cracking solutions, got me back on track when I got distracted and didn't criticise me when I thought or did stupid or unnecessary things, well, not much anyway. If only I knew his name I'd thank me. :-)

Have I been on my own too long? Be honest guys. :-)


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I am feeling a little guilty today as I've had a number of thoughts that made me wonder whether the fact that I was going to have to sell and move out of a house I love was actually more painful than what is happening between my W and me.

I guess I'd been thinking about all the things she did that really annoyed or embarrassed me in the past, is this just a reaction to the turmoil She has placed the family and me in, or clarity that I have been I a toxic relationship for too long?


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Hi Beagley. Interesting post. I would imagine it might be a bit of both Obviously your was just that. Your home and feelings re W are proberbly all over place and up and down.

Like so many others , time needs to be taken to let emotions and thoughts time to settle

Thanks for your input on my thread.



Take care. Rd

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Thank you for dropping by rd.

You are right, I guess. Feelings do need time to settle and I've been at the house all the time while not seeing my wife at all since she left and as I've spent a lot of time on GAL activities plus mentally detaching, my emotions are going to be stronger towards what I live and breath everyday.

I really appreciate that my kids and those around me are the most important, not the things I have but the last day or so have been weird as my thoughts have strayed well away from my wife, except for increasingly brief and rare moments. Is this falling out of love and actually the R is at an end? In many ways, I am at peace if that is the case...


- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow
- Consult your plan, not your feelings
- If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
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