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I just feel that at the moment I do get to see my kids when I like where I like and fr how long I like and I see my W yes it s not a loving R and it takes so much for me not to cry all the time

We watch TV together sitting on the sofa like nothing is wrong we talk to each other during the day like friends would but all this means nothing to her

I honestly do not know if I could cope with the thought of not spending this time with her it sounds MAD I am not sure if she realises that when we go to separate houses that will probably be the end of going out as a family and of going out as a couple perhaps she does realise this I do not know

I actually envy my good friend who is friends with W knowing he will still get to go out with Her on nights out alone and with group friends and I won't be


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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Relax. At least she's talking to you. It's OK to feel like this. It does bring out a question about how you measure if things are working out (I'll discuss on my own thread, instead of hijacking yours). You're still emotional. Looking at your BD date, you're probably about a month away from starting to feel stronger.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Ghost - what EXACTLY are you afraid of?

Let's get those things out there so we can work through them.

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Huddy I am guessing perhaps more than a month knowing me as I know me frown. I will catch up with your thread x


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
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Ghost, I am still living with H, still even in the same bedroom, but to me if feels like we are separated because he is not speaking to me besides small talk. If I am lucky. He has not said he loves me, has not said he wants the M to work, has not said anything positive at all, yet he is still here, goes to MC with me, sleeps in the bed, and as far as I know stopped seeing OW and has no plans to move out.

So I understand the anxiety you are feeling. I was on clonopin for a couple of months after BD for anxiety and it was great. With it I could sleep maybe 3-4 hours per night. Then I went off and was going much better, but recently went back on. I take it maybe 2x per week to help sleep. It seems to me like if I get just one good night's sleep it kind of resets my sleep pattern and then I am good for a few nights.

I think there is a lot of hope in your sitch. Mostly because I am in a similar sitch and I still have hope. Our S's are still "here" which gives us a chance to show off all of our 180's and GAL activities. I fell asleep watching tv with H the other night, actually fell asleep with my head on his lap, and felt so wonderful to drift off in his lap. Only to be awakened to reality when the show was over and he woke me up by tapping on my head. I guess I was a little too close for comfort. So the living together can be a balancing act - makes detachment harder, keeps your hopes up and then down the very next minute, it is really a breeding ground for anxiety.

I keep telling myself that it is a good thing. I'm sticking with that for now.



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Ghost, I forgot to mention. Some nights I drink a tea by Yogi Tea, it is Kava Stress Relief. I get it at the regular grocery store. This stuff is awesome! I let it steep for about 10 minutes before drinking it, to get it strong. Tastes a little earthy, but it really relaxes me. As in, I wouldn't be able to drive after drinking it, and I feel so peaceful.

My H has tried it with no effect, my father in law had the same experience I did, and I have given it to various friends and neighbors, some people feel it some do not. Worth a shot! I don't drink it every night because I read online that it is bad for your liver. I have maybe 1-2 cups a week.



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Originally Posted By: Ghost56
Today I just cannot get my head out of thinking about what might happen got to be thinking of just today

Everything is pretty static at the moment and it is only when I start to think what may happen that my mind races and it becomes very difficult to think straight

Dr has given me anti depressants he says they take a few weeks to kick in

Wanted to stay off the medication for as long as possible

Got my children to help to keep me strong knowing I will be arround to care for them and see them all grow up means so much to me right now

I do not want to become a doom and gloom poster I am needing to get a good nights sleep

Does anyone here have difficulty sleeping and waking erly and have any tips on sleeping I never used to have any problems sleeping

Would the Dr give me sleeping tablets or can I get herbal ones ? Should I try to avoid them ...someone I know said night nurse is good at helping people to sleep

Thanks in advance

Ghost

Anti-depressants take weeks to work, and it is best to have a Psychiatrist doing the prescribing, because each person responds differently to particular anti-Ds. A Psychiatrist has a lot of experience listening to symptoms and then having a good hunch what to try. It still often takes 2 to 3 drugs to find the one that works for a patient.

I'd be a bit wary of sleep remedies while taking some anti-Ds. Not that they are dangerous really (although Wellbutrin can cause seizures in higher doses, so something that increases plasma levels can give you the jitters & increase the seizure risk some), but there are some drugs & supplements that can increase or impair uptake or metabolism of the anti-D.

More likely a mild anti-anxiety would be in order (something like Lorazapam/Atavan). Again, I'm not an MD, but seem to be stressed from the plateau of not much happening. You are waiting for the other shoe to fall and it is increasing your anxiety level. Anxiety often exacerbates depression, so it may give you some relief from that as well as helping the sleep.

Make sure you get some exercise, and try to get out and do things with people, even if you have to force yourself. You likely won't want to, but that is the depression. If I'm reading you right on the anxiety from waiting in limbo, doing things that focus you outside yourself and your R are a good behavioral modification to improve the emotional sitch.

Hang in there. It will pass.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Photoka thank you for taking an interest in my thread

I am not a great tea drinker

All I know is I feel shattered to the point that I really do not care if my W stays up or goes to bed I have to try to get some sleep

I did find that if I put on a Netflix movie on my iPad then the sound of the talking helps me to focus on things other than my sitch

I just have to remind myself that there is nothing that I can do tonight to change my position so worrying about it will not help not for tonight at least


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
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Originally Posted By: photoka
Ghost, I forgot to mention. Some nights I drink a tea by Yogi Tea, it is Kava Stress Relief. I get it at the regular grocery store. This stuff is awesome! I let it steep for about 10 minutes before drinking it, to get it strong. Tastes a little earthy, but it really relaxes me. As in, I wouldn't be able to drive after drinking it, and I feel so peaceful.

My H has tried it with no effect, my father in law had the same experience I did, and I have given it to various friends and neighbors, some people feel it some do not. Worth a shot! I don't drink it every night because I read online that it is bad for your liver. I have maybe 1-2 cups a week.


Kava can be very effective short-term, but you're right about the concern w/ the liver. Also, the studies haven't looked at the impact of kava with someone on an anti-depressant. Some anti-depressants can cause elevated liver enzymes by themselves, so I'd be a little hesitant on combining kava with any drug that has that profile (often the guidance that comes w/ some anti-ds call for regular monitoring of liver enzyme levels, but most docs ignore this unless a patient has some indication of liver issues). Not saying don't, just informed decision.

The other reason not to mix unknowns into the sitch right now is to help the doc figure out if what he/she is prescribing is working. If it's a Psychiatrist, they have a pretty good understanding of how to interpret the feedback of the patient when mixing an anti-anxiety med with an anti-D. Not so much when mixing an herbal supplement (esp. given the variable dosage - what it says on the label is often far off what's in the bag or the pill when tested & there is little oversight of this to correct problems).


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,119
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Originally Posted By: Ghost56
Photoka thank you for taking an interest in my thread

I am not a great tea drinker

All I know is I feel shattered to the point that I really do not care if my W stays up or goes to bed I have to try to get some sleep

I did find that if I put on a Netflix movie on my iPad then the sound of the talking helps me to focus on things other than my sitch

I just have to remind myself that there is nothing that I can do tonight to change my position so worrying about it will not help not for tonight at least


Given what you are saying here, I'm going to underline the getting out w/ people. Start mobilizing your support network of friends and family (that is people who know your sitch and have been supportive). Tell them what is going on, and ask them to help by dragging your butt out the house and doing something even if you aren't all that interested in the activity. Once you're out, that will likely change. Really. Tell them that you want them to push you even if you say you don't really feel like it.

Of course, you'll still have night issues, but I'd bet that getting out occasionally earlier in the evening/day will help a lot with that time too.


Me: 50 W:43
S6, S3
M: 12 yrs. T: 17
M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14
S 5 Feb '15
D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry")
DB Coach May '15
Wants proceed on D Aug '15
Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
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