It seems fine. I am sure he was not surprised by the response. You spoke from the heart with no malice, whats not to like. My opinion is questionable though since my relationship practices got me here.
I'm glad, but remember she will leave a ring behind that will take a while to dissolve. The best cleaner is to be patient. He will likely be dealing with a loss. Even if you don't feel a lot of sympathy for him for his loss, recognize that it will impact your R with him. Give him space & time, and don't expect him to be ready to start healing your M right away.
You handled it OK, and it is a restrained reaction to what you probably wanted to say. "Gee, I know exactly how having your R fall apart feels. From experience, that must really hurt. Assh*le."
I don't know what I would have said in your place.
Still, remember that listening and validating are on the list of things to do for a reason. We all want to respond to our Ss when they go on about something that is unfair or painful to us, but listening and validating is the fastest way to get to that point where he might listen to your pain.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Thank you for the advice and yes I see your point in validating now. I am not expecting a miricle recovery at this point and am not thinking that now his thoughts will be toward me . He may consider dating others too at this point I dont know where I fit in the puzzle.
Practicing patience.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
Finally GAL all weekend.. drinks out friday .. then an over nite sat with my sistas just enjoying sun and fun.. and then this evening H asked me to dinner .. again... we had a very nice dinner and some laughs . No R talking still. And when I got home he had left a msg for me thanking me for spending the time with him . That was a very nice surprise! Yeah ! I'm hopeful.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
Just checking in to see how you're doing lately. I hope things are still going as well as they seemed.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Ok... so.. I decided to take H up on offer for an overnite away. Third time hes asked so I said yes. I feel like a relationship talk might be in my future. Unsure if it will generate from me or him. More than likely me as I seem to be a little confused by his request and our recent dinners out together. Maybe now is not a good time? Maybe I should see how the overnite goes .. digest it and then solicit a conversation in a couple days?
We have had some nice evenings out together , I dont anticipate that this will be any different as I said before more concerned with the days that follow as we will continue to live apart and ill probably miss him. Maybe he will miss me too.
What I really want to know is the OW status.. as I mentioned previously he reffered to it as circling the toilet.. I dont want to be his fall back option. I want him to choose me not come back because shes no longer available. NOR do I want become part of a competition where now she and I are competing to see who can be more fun, available or whatever.. I dont want to be a jealousy pawn piece either...
Who's got some good advice for me? Negative is welcome too I am all ears.
Married 1991 D 23 GD 3 D 21 S 20 M 49 S 48 1st bomb 2008 2nd bomb 4/2015 same person I fear those big words which make us so unhappy.
There will be time for get aways when it is time. If you have set on a path of NO OPEN MARRIAGE, how can you know if she is really out of the picture. I don't want to clutter how you've been feeling, since it has been more positive...honestly I don't. your husband said that relationship is swirling down the toilet. That does not mean it is over. it does not mean that he has sent her a letter stating that he is done with her for good. That does not mean that he is ready to commit to you as his one and only. That means $hit right now, other than he wants to go away with you.
There is a lot of work that needs to go into this reconciliation, it seams like he just wants to move forward without doing that work.
I am with you, we miss the passion, companionship, etc. so much...but if you want my opinion, you need to take this slowly and make sure that there is REAL intent and 100% honesty and contrition. If there is, he will be ready to meet your requirements for him to return to this marriage, not just him wanting to come back. (no contact letter, transparency, STD test, MC commitment, etc)
Without that, a short circuit in this will not allow you to fully heal from this wound to your lives. You do not want to end up here again in a few more years, RIGHT?
