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That's a minefield. I approached the subject of splitting finances, but my W went in to meltdown. If/when W moves out, then that will be a cert. I'll look after my kids, but W will be on her own. For legal reasons, as we're selling the house, it makes sense to keep a joint bank account/credit cards etc. otherwise the bloodsuckers (Lawyers/solicitors) will require us to sign an agreement and let the court deal with our assets and, obviously, charge us a fee for this privilege. That's the law in this part of the UK and I'm not having some lawyer telling me what to do with my cash!


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I totally agree and I really want to but I know it will be a less than popular decision with her family. They are expecting me to continue to act as her husband regardless of what see has told me or what she is putting the family through. They are very insistent that our M work out. I don't think they know the magnitude of the sitch. They have been very supportive of me but they no nothing about DBing.

Also we are trying to refinance the house and if we split the bills and she doesn't pay hers on time it will effect our credit and thus ruin the chances for a refinance.

I feel like she is using me to set her up for a new life. Like with the refinance. She says she wants a divorce but still wants to refinance the house. It seems to me that she wants to lower the payment so that she can afford it by herself. Even if we refinance, She cant afford the house. I looked into Georgia child support and I would be looking at 1500 a month for the three kids. This is not a problem but that would only pay to keep the kids in private school.

I am going to do it anyway. Damn the torpedoes. She said once before when I suggested splitting the account that it would not be fair for me to have more money than her. Correct me if im wrong but that's BS. I worked hard for what I have. THe kids will be taken care of but its not my job to finance her new life.


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Well, I certainly wouldn't be doing new finance with a WAS. Where's your guarantee? Current stuff, if it is practical, then yes, but nothing new.

As for 'I don't see why you should have more money than me', well, tough! Your W is leaving, she's wanting out. If she wants to be separate and independent, then she will have to provide for herself. Kids - yeah, you're gonna do that, why should they suffer, but W will have to learn to live on her own means.


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tkd

Ok ... sometimes we hit 'spots' in this and when there is some confusion its best to sit and do nothing.

I am not so sure given the sitch if I would re-fi at all at this point, maybe put that on hold and wait ... wait till things are more stable for you, between your W and yourself.

As far as her ruining your credit ... yeah that's the part of this 'still married' thing that's tough, so to protect yourself you either have to separate your finances, or at the least have a separation agreement in place. For me my W and I had this in place, I was not legally liable for what she did after that set date .... protect yourself and your kids.

As far as the In-laws they can insist all they'd like but if your W is wayward she is wayward, just like you they can not control what she does. You can still go through this and honor your M... not your place to tell them, nor is it their place to tell you what you should do ... its their daughter who is wayward and they will be in her corner when push comes to shove .... not much you can do about this but take charge of your life.


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Does anyone know how alimony works? I the W has a job am I responsible to pay alimony?


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Originally Posted By: tkdmme
Does anyone know how alimony works? I the W has a job am I responsible to pay alimony?


Not sure about your state ... this is why we stress the LBS consult with a L or two so he/she knows where they stand.

In my case .. W made more, that along with our M hitting 15 years ... these things factor into the amount and the duration. Get with a L and see what your state laws are on the subject.


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I have an appointment with IC today and I will run some of this finance stuff by him and see what he thinks. I don't want the D but at this point the writing is on the wall and I want to protect what I have worked so hard for.

Going to see a lawyer scares the @#$% out of me. I have never been in trouble in my life so I have zero experience with lawyers.
I don't care about the house other than it is where my kids have grown up. They have never called any other place home. I hate to think that they loose there rooms and backyard, and so many other things they have grown accustom to.

If It is possible, I would sacrifice a little to keep them there. Even if it means I have to pay a little extra. Is this crazy thinking? I honestly think the W would continue this same stich for ever if I let her. She has no intentions on leaving. I, on the other hand, am not comfortable living like this forever. If she never decides to work on the M I want to get on with my life.

I don't think now is the time to bring up the finances or anything else. Things have been calm at home and I don't want to start what I know will turn into a fight. I know it will have to talked about at some point but for now im going to let it ride. The kids are finally acting a little closer to normal.


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Talk to a lawyer, your IC isn't one and that isn't his area of expertise. You're not going to sit down with your cardiologist and discuss martial finances.

Don't let speaking to a L scare you, they are on your side and you're not in trouble. All you're going to get is information, that's all. You don't have to DO anything with that information but you'll be able to no your options once you have that information.

This is just like reading a book.


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Good advise pigpen.

It just scares me because I'm afraid I will be lef t with nothing. I make more than double what she makes and I've heard horror stories about men getting the shafts in these situations.


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Originally Posted By: tkdmme
Good advise pigpen.

It just scares me because I'm afraid I will be lef t with nothing. I make more than double what she makes and I've heard horror stories about men getting the shafts in these situations.


That's why you go see a lawyer! They will crunch your numbers and show you what to expect. I always imagined if I got divorced, I'd be in a crap apartment alone and broke. But I'm still in my house doing ok. And I make about 2.5 times what my W makes.

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