Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 10 1 2 7 8 9 10
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Originally Posted By: late30s
Cali, cheesy as this may sound, you're my inspiration for continuing my journey. I have absolute faith that you'll handle this well, as you have handled everything else well.

Keep on plugging away, sir. I look forward to more inspiration.


LOl .. no pressure right late?

I think you are doing fine ... its not easy and will be by far the hardest thing you will ever do. I think you are doing far better than I was ... re reading some of my sitch I was smacking myself with 2x4's over how obsessed I was with 'OM' in my posts and did not turn that focus towards myself. Looking back I did not feel that focused on him, but reading my stuff looks like I was more than I should have been.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung


Have you made any moves? Has she? I wouldn’t wait too long, here’s why… That physical connection will make most of the other stuff you're still agonizing over seem so much smaller and easier to deal with.

I’m not talking about all night romps here… you have to start slow. But you have to start somewhere, and I guarantee that it will give you wings!

You've been taking charge/leading in other area's and she's been liking that.

Just something to think about.


FY .. happy to see you my friend

OK, a bit of Full Disclosure here.

The sex thing.

When things started going south, as I have shared it was due to her medical issues. Sex became uncomfortable, then lead to a point it was painful. Doctor after Doctor ... mis diagnosis several times finally things started getting figured out. This was when MLC hit ... enter the beginnings of an A, the newness, rush .. besides the fact OM was 'well trained' as far as this went ... (Later intel, serial cheater, STILL married and OMW told W she was #10 or so in the past 6-7 years) Even then she still had the reoccurring issues that she has to deal with ... just the fact the A and all that helped her get over the hurdle if you will.

So now .. with us ... The intel she learned, the fact she contracted HSV-2. She contracted this Mar14 but was in such a fog, OM was a skilled liar ... she was told either she got it from me and it was dormant ... or from someone else and was dormant ... and just flared up due to her low immune system. OM knew enough info to be dangerous and W was in such a fog she eat anything he served up.... truth is OM has had HSV-2 for some time OMW confirmed this. So after all this there was a fear, and a good possibility she could very well have HIV ... She was retested in MAR, and has to retest again in Sep (Ironically my birthday ... 2 years post BD) so to be safe, and in W's words the fear of not knowing for sure ... the fear she could possibly give HIV to me and rob S of not one but both parents is pretty sobering. I am taking meds to ensure I do not contract the HSV-2 ... but until she can get tested again in Sep, sex is really off the table ... not all bad as we have 'the gift of time' to sort through some issues revolving around it.

Not all doom and gloom, there have been some 'petting' sessions we are slowly at least discovering things about each other, for the first time in our relationship there is dialogue about what each other likes, what we want, etc. She went out this week and shared that she made a stop at VS with me in mind. She bought some dresses knowing I love it when she 'girlies' up for a night out. I suggested a massage night just for her ... those kinds of things...slowly I think we will get there, but that cloud hovers overhead a bit ... till we get a green light there seems to be alot of anxiety in that for her and as much as I would like to push through that ... I think taking a step back and letting things develop after we know we are clear is the way to go for now.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
C
CaliGuy Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
Mini Update

The past few days have been ... just a little 'tense'. W is pretty moody with the PMS thing hanging around, I however am thankful it happened now vs being trapped in a vessel with limited escape hatches!!

Besides this, I have noticed S a bit as of late. Not that he is acting out but I realized over this crisis one of the great things that came out of it other than MY personal growth was the bond and relationship between he and I. So yesterday thinking about this ... W just happened to call from work to remind me she had a IC appt, would not be home till 6:30 or so. SO I told W I was going to take out S to dinner, just he and I, as I felt we needed a little Father Son time, and we would meet up with her at home after, then went on and said I have a Softball game early Thursday (today) and would get him dinner, take him with me so she could have some 'her' time. She lit up, "Really" I said yeah .. I know you have been wanting to get a jog in, and as much as we talked about doing that together, its not always easy, go to the beach and jog, do your thing .. whatever .. S loves coming to my games and we will meet up later.

So S and I went out last night, BBQ ribs and just were two dudes out eating caveman style. He polished off a man-plate of ribs (I almost ruined it by telling him they ran out of real ribs so they used dog) and chugged 2 Dr Peppers and attempted to break the 8 year old belching record ... while his father ate a tri-tip salad ... yep still watching that waistline .. 10 lbs to go. When we got home S hoped in the shower, W was still tense but we talked it out. S was on cloud nine .. which eased W up a bit.

This morning W was in a better mood but flipped quick over 2 socks on the floor in the bedroom (I had JUST taken them off before getting in the shower) ... this was old M stuff ... things like that bug her however the pile of her clothes seem to disappear in her mind, I calmly pointed this out, also reminded her that her constant "Be Positive" remarks toward me could very well be used by her as an example .. I was PMA but tossed a few truth darts ... left as she was getting ready to water the plants, feed the dog, take out the trash .. my morning rituals ... she later apologized and was sorry she was so moody lately. Hugged me and again said she was sorry, but looking forward to the trip and getting away .. I smiled and told her "Don't forget to pack 'Fun-Girl'... Have a nice day" and I left.

Looking forward to this vacation, have an eye glued on funds, but should be ok as long as we do not go all bannana-sandwich on food and souvenirs


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 103
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 103
No pressure, sir.

You have delivered. I have faith you will continue to deliver.

Enjoy your trip, you've earned it.


M: 38 W: 37
T: 20 M: 19
Kids: Stepson?20, S19, S16, D12
BD: 02/19/2015 (She moved out)
PA Confirmed: 02/22/2015 (She is now living with OM)
Dazed and confused: 09/13/2015
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
U
Member
Offline
Member
U
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,368
Likes: 7
Hiya Luke. Wanted to tell you to have a great trip. smile

Totally get you on the sex thing and I agree with you. Intimacy can be shown in many ways.

Just enjoy your time away, my friend. Put all this stuff away for a bit and make memories. Happy for you, sweetie.

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Enjoy your vacation. This is a new marriage and you need to treat it that way. Leave the "old baggage" behind and just relax and enjoy!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 574
Have a great trip Cali - enjoy timeout being with your son and w, I hope it is everything and more.

A first for the new Cali family - Have fun smile

Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
I hope you have a great vacation Cali!!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
I hope you get (got?) lucky. grin


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
Hope your having a great vacation Cali.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Page 9 of 10 1 2 7 8 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard