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vge1 Offline OP
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Hi again.

Well....divorce done! Ugh!!! Feel awful. It was awful. I cried twice but only because my atty had played a song on her phone while we were waiting. It was "Oceans" by Hillsong United. Just listening to the words to that song always makes me cry.
Anyway, atty fought for some stuff and I did too. Of course, no one really wins.
I don't feel I got a fair deal. He fought so hard.
I still feel beat up and dazed. So Surreal.

My atty said I handled it surprisingly well considering I could've had a complete meltdown but didn't.
My ex-H is a piece of work. I was warned and he delivered. He was soooo mean. Mean!!!!
Our children aren't gonna like it and I don't either that they will have no choice but to go with their dad on his visitations including spending the night at her house. Ugh!

Coming away from this...the system is really messed up. I don't feel like a winner. I also know that some issues were pushed hard because of my in-laws influence like no more homeschooling. So sad. I did agree to this only because I know that I need a job and don't know what my schedule will be so my hands are tied.

Everything is subject to be modified if needed which would require more atty fees (of course).

Anyway, your thoughts and prayers were definitely felt. How would I have been able to make it through this without them?

By the grace of God ... It's done for now. Still have to deal with this narcissist sociopath for the sake of our children. My boys are the reminders that
God is good and the marriage was good at one time (or at least 4 times) ;-)

Thank you my beautiful friends. Praying I'll be able to get a good job that has good health benefits and pays well so that I can provide for me & my children without my ex-H help (which isn't much). I'll be needing to sign up for Obamacare since cobra is too expensive. the courts won't allow it since it would leave him with no money. Now I have to pay for my own insurance out of the measly support and spousal maintenance. That's why I need a job!!

Insurance not cheap since I have to sign up with a plan that covers my treatment and that my doctor accepts. Ugh!!! Praying for continued healing all around.

So I'll keep yall posted. Luv yall! Thank you for being there. This forum has helped so much. Y'all's strength, wisdom, encouragement And prayers have been blessings. Thank you.

In His love

Vge1

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I'm sorry Vge. It's not fair.

But, you will be ok. The kids will be ok.

Please take extra extra care of yourself today. The hearing I went to a few ago was incredibly emotionally draining. Trust God will make your next steps clear.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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job Offline
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I am sorry that your xh was mean, but he has to be that way in order to move forward. He has to vilify you in order to justify why he left and is doing the things he's doing. Oh, no, he can't look in the mirror and say "I'm the one responsible for all that I've put my wife and children through". He can't admit it now or maybe not ever. But leave him to his meanness. If he were such a happy camper in his new life, he would be acting that way.

I'm happy that the divorce issue is behind you and now you can move forward and know what to expect from your xh. Now, you can begin to heal from this ordeal and really start to focus on what is important right now: YOU, your health and your children.

Vge, God does work in mysterious ways. He will not forsake you.

Please take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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kml Offline
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Anger is guilt turned outwards. I bet he was feeling pretty uncomfortably guilty. Which he deserves.

Thank god for Obamacare, as you will be able to have health insurance! In the old days, once your super-expensive COBRA ran out, you would never be able to get insurance again unless you worked for a large corporation. People forget how many bankruptcies were caused by medical conditions.

If your only income right now is child support and small spousal support, you ought to qualify for subsidies, your insurance will probably be cheap or even free. The system is now designed to help people like you in situations like these that are not of your own making.

Look into any social support programs you may qualify for - depending on the amount of support you are getting, you might qualify for food stamps and/or assistance with your utility bills. Take everything that you are qualified for - again, this is what these programs are designed for, to help people like you and your children who have been thrown into this situation through no fault of your own, to get back on your feet.

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VGE- so sorry you had to endure this hearing but glad you have some clear boundaries in dealing with things. Your H was extremely bold in his actions and very cruel to you. I think his actions during your treatment speak volumes about his inability to face his life and his choices.

Right now all that matters is you and your children. You are sounding strong VGE! You have been gaining strength in spite of incredible circumstances. I am in awe of your evolution as a woman of faith.

You have so much to be proud of right this very second! There is going to be time to deal with the rest of things. Right now just take a deep breathe and focus on your needs.

This is tough stuff without medical issues and you have been so incredibly strong. I wish you blessings and peace. You are not alone.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Hi Vge, I am so sorry that mediation did not completely go your way, it's so sad that he felt it necessary to play dirty, hopefully one day he will see what a selfish little man he has become.

You have shown all of us here how much strength can be found within oneself when pushed to the limits.You continue to dig deep and find a way through, I see your faith pulling you through and I am so pleased you have found support within your church.

It is sad that you are no longer able to homeschool your children, but maybe see this as a new start and opportunity for all of you. Finding a job (I hope you can wait until your are fully in remission?) will give you a different direction that could be a good thing - new skills, new friends and possible social life outside of what you already do. I know that getting my job was the best thing I ever did - a new sense of independence, it gave me financial stability, friends and the start of a future. Your children will soon adapt to school, they will make friends and join clubs.

Vge, we have seen you conquer all the hurdles that you have found in your way so far, you are great at adapting to the situation before you and I know this hurdle you will find away over too.

Leave your h to his miserable guilt ridden life and you enjoy yours. The LBS has more power than you realise and you will have the upper hand in the end.

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Just checking on you VGE and praying for you and your children. {{{hugs}}}


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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vge1 Offline OP
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Hi everyone!
Long time no posts.
My story is so long and the drama hasn't stopped. I know y'all can relate so that's why I feel I can vent.

My friends and family are a great support system but they really don't know what to say. They feel pain for me and my children but really don't know how to respond when I tell them more stuff. Feel overwhelmed right now.

-LOOONG Story so grab a drink.

1)I'm still on chemotherapy. It's still working - PRaise God!Don't know how many more treatments. They kinda just wanna make sure it's not growing. Feeling ok. Sometimes tired. No other side effects really. :-)

Now the drama:

1) After mediation - xh said he couldn't afford to see the children 1 day every week (Thurs) plus 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends cuz "something's gotta give - I can't afford it." So he gave up his Thursdays. I said - fine. I didn't argue or plea or beg. (per my atty) Boys weren't surprised. Sad but not shocked.

2) Xh lost his job on Oct 16 therefore I also lost health insurance (earlier than expected)to cover my chemo treatments. He's in no hurry to find a job now since he's helping OW with her bar (at a reduced salary he says).

3) I'm still looking for a fulltime job that has benefits asap. Trying to sign up for Obamacare but confused since my oncologists office really can't tell me which plan to pick. I'm overwhelmed with the choices cuz they're SUPER high deductibles & premiums. NEED a FLEXIBLE FULL TIME JOB!!

4) Oct 1, 2014 XH had told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore. OCT 1, 2015 - ENGAGED to OW.

5)Oct 25, 2014 XH left (abandoned) our family. OCT 22, 2015 MARRIED OW!

6) She's pregnant! A GIRL!

7) 4 biological sons with me (his ex-wife), 1 son (now 4 yrs old) with a former mistress. New wife has 3 children with her late husband which makes 9 CHILDREN TOTAL!

8) He had to mention the gender-why? Cuz I have four boys? He would always complain how costly it was to have children (many times in front of the children - then he'd say-"I'm kidding" - but not really). So he didn't want any more children - clearly he didn't want any more with me. :-(

9) He's now attempting to be a doting dad - kinda. He's called one of our sons school to meet with the teachers, he wants to see the boys every week ?, and boys said that he wants to call them every night to ask about their day. (only happened last Sun) They don't even want to talk to him. I had to force them to call him back.
(So - First he had no money to see them, but now he has no job but has money & wants to see them regularly)??

10) He said he's gonna go back to court to reduce the child support since he's "not working". ??

11) He also Wants to file joint custody cuz now he's able to spend time with our boys.

12) He got angry when I changed one of our sons sports practice schedule w/o notifying him. He had never been to their practices, so I was just going on our schedule as I had always been. But then after he got engaged to OW, he started showing up to their games on my weekends with OW. Then wanted to know their sports practice schedule (which I emailed in Sept at the beginning of the season & had to send again cuz he "didn't get it"). Still NEVER showed up to any practices & season ended this wk.

13) He's threatening to call the police if I deny him his visits. WHICH I NEVER EVER HAVE!

When he got married last wk he asked if the boys wanted to come to his wedding on his visitation day - Thurs. (the one extra day of the wk he said he couldn't afford to have them). I asked each boy separately if they wanted to go. They all said no. So I told him they didn't want to go. He said "thanks for letting me know."

Then, yesterday (Thurs), I had scheduled their counseling session since he hadn't been visiting them on his designated Thurs. - I didn't see anything wrong with this appt. They hadn't been in a month but with all the recent changes = they really wanted to go.

He said he'd take them this time but I should reschedule from this point forward. Counselor, atty & boys all said not a good idea for him to be there. I told him this & he said that I was "Controlling" again. ?? I was finally able to reschedule the appt then he said =- "now was that so difficult?" UGH!

I cry because my XH is so different. I hold a lot in & I know I shouldn't. I pray for the Lord to guide me & grant me wisdom, discernment, courage and strength. Lord help me to deal with all of this!

I feel so betrayed by all of his family too - ex MIL continues with the gossip mill which she gets only from my xh. They were all my family for 22 yrs and now they hear how great he's doing from his hundreds of FB posts & from my MIL. How "blessed" he is. How "God is so good to them". How "happy" he is.

I ask y'all for continued prayers especially for my children. This weekend is their first overnight stay with him & his new wife & her kids. My boys were dreading it. They don't like her, her kids and really don't like their dad. He's not the same.

Anyway, was this entertaining? I'm sorry to dump everything. I tried many times to post here but I was overwhelmed and felt it just is so much that I didn't even know where to begin. But now it's all out there. Needing some wisdom and DIVINE strength.

My prayers continue for each one of you dealing with your ex. It's a rough road. But I am so grateful that y'all are here. Thank you for lending your shoulders. Thank you for listening. And thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.

In His love

VGE1

Romans 8:28

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VGE,

I was so glad to see that you posted an update. I keep you close in prayer and have been wondering how you are doing.

I can't offer any wisdom except to say that you are so strong and are handling all of this with much more strength than you realize.

My new prayer for you is not only for your health but for God to continue to walk with you and reveal his love for YOU so you will be able to give all your energy and focus on yourself and your life. It is a powerful feeling when you are able the words and actions of others cease to hurt you.

I know it seems counterintuitive and not Christian to quit caring about the father of your children and his family. As you said they were your family for 22 years but if they are that unkind then I believe God wants you to feel strong enough and loved enough by our Lord to quit allowing them to hurt your precious soul. Simply put they are dark people and not worthy of light filled VGE.

You are worthy and amazing and so much stronger than you were last year. God is working through you and showing you that you are far better than these people. Seriously VGE you got this my friend.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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AJM Offline
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Glad you posted and vented.

I have nothing to add. I think you needed to vent but also have a great head on your shoulders and see things as they are.

Will continue to pray for you and your children.

Also glad the chemo is working. I suspect there may be some other ways to continue the treatment. It might be a good idea to get some of that information from the hospital to put in your back pocket. They have programs for people with no income, full time job, a family, etc. i.e. people in your current position.

Peace,
AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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